my frend (23) totally dumped her long term bf (since yr 6) for an older dude.. the older dude messd her up and now she wnts to get bck with him ! :s what advice shud i give her?! am lost!
2006-11-13 09:54:06 · 20 answers · asked by YabbaJabba 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She wants to get back with her long term bf NOt the older dude
2006-11-13 10:02:03 · update #1
If she really cares about him, tell her to go for it. Everyone deserves a second chance. I mean the worst thing he could say is no...
2006-11-13 09:56:32 · answer #1 · answered by Janea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay well This is what I would tell my friend.
1st. Are you in love with you ex boyfriend [the long term one]?
Yes, then the answer is simple go for it, be happy, you needed time apart to see what really mattered. She had better grovel a little to her ex and explain that you know he may have moved on, and I am assuming that since she dumped him, her ex probably was hurt and she can;t just waltz on back into his life, she needs to be kind and humble, becasue he is prbably very mad or hurt or both etc. If he just take sher back no questions asked, I would wonder if he is going to hold it over her, or if he is just a lost puppy, which neither are good for a realationship. But, if you know you love him and you can't live without him then go for it. Do anything.
No, then why? Because it is comfortable? That is not fair. Especially to him or her. She is young she needs to live a little. Sometimes having a boyfriend is restraining. not freeing.
Becasue she just likes him, okay that is a reason. Mind you, since they have been togther so long, has she ever done anything without him? Maybe jumping back into a realationship, especially one that is broken, may not be a good idea, The realtionship wasn't good enough for her to stick around the first time, so why would it be better now. Is this what will make her happy, fulfill her life. No, then she shouldn't do it.
You know unfortunately this is her life, and you can not control her, she has the freedom to choose, so when you tell her whatever you end up telling her, remember to tell her that you are not telling her what to do, you love her, she is your friend and you care for her. You want her to be happy and you just wanted to let her kind of see things from a different angle, plus you want to make sure she is happy. That is all we can do in life, be happy. If it doesn't make you happy why do it? If it does than do it 'all guns a blazing' [figure of speech].
Good luck, and Good luck to your friend.
2006-11-13 10:10:55 · answer #2 · answered by nle424 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that it isn't just her decision. If she likes this guy a lot, and is sure that she isn't just doing to dump him for the next guy to come around, and she really loves him, maybe even plans on marrying him some day, that she needs to apologise and hope for the best. She needs to tell him how she feels, and that it was wrong of her to go out with the older boy. She needs to tell him that OlderBoy is out of the picture, and that she wants to get back together with the first boy. Then she needs to hope and wait for his answer.
He could say no, but would it put her in a worse position? She's already not with him...She just needs to be sure that she doesn't do that again, because my gues is that this ex is really hurting now...
Tell her good luck for me, and that I hope she does the right thing!
2006-11-13 09:59:43 · answer #3 · answered by Bored. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say your friend needs to take a break for a bit and work on herself. She is making bad choices and she took herself down that road (her older BF messed her up cause she picked him and dumped the other one). When I was done with a guy, I didn't go back EVER, even if another relationship didn't work out. Just my thoughts, if I was done enough with them before, why would I want that trash back? I set it to the curb for a reason. Good luck!
2006-11-13 09:59:08 · answer #4 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Her longer term bf may be put off a bit because she has gone out with someone else so she must take it slowly if he is at all interested still. But make sure she isn't just rebounding to safe territory. She must of looked elsewhere for a reason so make sure she thinks it through properly. x
2006-11-13 10:08:57 · answer #5 · answered by Jo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose she can give it a try.
Can't hurt but he may not be impressed at being dumped for a guy who has now dumped her in return. It was disloyal and hurtful.
Some ppl will forgive but some won't.
He may never trust her again and who would blame him?
She needs to be able to take whatever he dishes out, and it could be considerable. If she listens and apologises convincingly he may just love her enough to try again.
2006-11-13 10:00:54 · answer #6 · answered by xbkw46 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to agree with Jayne, if she really does care for him tell her to have them meet for a coffee and get her to explain her situation. That she made a mistake and that she would like him to consider them getting back together again, aproach it in a mature fashion and like an adult and the only thing he can say is either he wants to get back with her too or he's moved on but she wont ever know if she doesn't tell him.
2006-11-13 10:00:06 · answer #7 · answered by bonz_a_liscious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think the first boyfriend was right for her or was she already bored with him before the older guy broke them up? Do you think they stand a chance of getting back together?
Give her the advice you would want yourself in that situation
2006-11-13 09:58:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to find the long term bf and talk to him more. Then gradually ask him out to dinner or something. that may most likely get them back together.
2006-11-13 09:57:25 · answer #9 · answered by Breanne W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend can't get back with her long term bf unless he has a heart of gold and takes her back!
2006-11-13 10:33:33 · answer #10 · answered by pwincessash 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋