My gf is awesome. I love her completely (and we are both out of college) but both of us have only had a couple of serious relationships. Ours was so fantastic to start off with, went great for a few months, then she started getting distant. We talked about it and she said it always went like this w/ her relationships. It's not going to end like that this time if I have anything to say about it. She's too great to let go. Anyways, during the talk, she said she had been to a counselor before, but never stuck w/ it. Obviously, I assume this has something to do w/ our present situation, namely her reluctance to commit to us. Can I ask what she saw the counsellor for? How do I bring it back up?
2006-11-13 09:12:24 · 16 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tell her you love her and are willing to go all the way with her. Tell her you are concerned about her well being as she has been acting distant lately, and you want to do whatever you can to help. Anything. Gently say something like " I know in the past you went to counseling, do you think that might be something you need to do now. I understand and will back you 100%. " Ask her if she wants to talk about it, and let her know she can trust you completely. Show her you care, be sincere. If she starts to get uncomfortable about it, hug her, tell her you love her, and when she is ready, you are there. And then drop it.
2006-11-13 09:16:52 · answer #1 · answered by nottashygirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been that girl. I have started relationships just to lose interest a few months later. I never knew why, but I just became extremely bored and hated the routine of it all. I wasn't feeling that euphoric "rush" anymore, my endorphins were depleted and I wanted something new.
Do you guys go out and do things together? Every week, or every other week, plan something that you guys haven't done before. Something fun and maybe even unusual. Give her new experiences. If your whole relationship is hanging out in front of the tv and going to the movies every so often then she realizes she's stuck in a routine and is craving excitement.
That's what she hates, the routine...some people find security in it, but she doesn't - it's boring to her. After the initial interest in something new wears out (new boyfriends, new jobs, even the counselor) or she realizes that she has something "figured out" she moves on. Try to keep some mystery about you, don't give everything about you away. Keep her guessing and interested. Don't let her think she has conquered you.
Plan different fun things, and if you guys are having sex, then keep that interesting too. Do it somewhere besides your bed.
Keep things exciting. It seems like you two have different priorities, but if you really want her then you need to make some effort. Also, try to be a little bit more dominant. Sometimes with a girl who lacks the commitment gene, all she needs is someone to take charge of the relationship and show her that security has it's benefits. Be confident, and good luck.
2006-11-13 17:25:53 · answer #2 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps she was hurt in the past. And when things become too threatening (serious) for her, the wall goes up.
We all have baggage from life's experiences. The object is to be able to 'unpack' the 'luggage', thus better understand and accept our issues.
Honest communication is the key. If you're able to do it together, all the more power to you both. If not, then perhaps a professional is the answer. Open your heart to her. I expect she'll respond. Whether her response will be what you wish to hear may be another matter. Best wishes to you both! ;)
2006-11-13 17:26:45 · answer #3 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What she says to a counselor is private between the two of them. She obviously feels safe talking and venting how she feels, and when ready, should include you. I would ask her if you may join her counseling sessions as a couple, that you don't want to lose her, and you feel this may help you both. She appears to have commitment issues; are you ready to commit to her?
2006-11-13 17:23:22 · answer #4 · answered by Nancy S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until the right opportunity and ask her to go to counseling with you. Find a new counselor that is right for both of you. Make sure and focus on the friendship between the two of you, and use common courtesy with each other. Good luck.
2006-11-13 17:18:40 · answer #5 · answered by nurse ratchet 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that you should ask what she went to counseling for, she might need to go back but you should try to make it better for her and be her best friend. She shouldn't need a councilor she should have you if she wants. counseling is a drag and sometimes you feel you are talking to a wall or you are on a time clock and have to hurry, so just let her at least know that you are understanding and that she can confide in you if she wants to. Don't force her and give her her space. just be there when she needs you.
2006-11-13 17:21:28 · answer #6 · answered by ~annie~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear... what a situation. She is scared, and definetly there are some underlying causes..
Have you proposed already? Does she have an engament ring?
How do you expect a woman to "commit to you" without a proposal??? Just a though... if she is distant is perhaps she is expectinmg YOU to make the commitment official...duh!
2006-11-13 17:16:01 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt imagine that there would be anything you couldnt ask someone your in a relationship with. Just say hon, remember you told me you were in counseling before....what was it for?
2006-11-13 17:15:42 · answer #8 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest to her that you guys go to couples counseling, you both could benefit in learning how to communicate better with each other.
2006-11-13 17:20:37 · answer #9 · answered by joker:P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dude all i can say is good luck i lost a great girl for the same reason. So im gonna look at advice people give you.
2006-11-13 17:15:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋