does anyone think unmarried women are wrong not to allow the father see their child.?

Question

I have made it quite clear that i don't want anything to do with my child's mother. The child was concieved out of pure sex and not love. She is unable to seperate how i feel about her and how i feel about the child. She decided to come off the pill without telling me and trapped me as a result. Now that the child is there i want to be a part of his life but not hers. i don't want to go the legal road because i don't think a judge should say today is Wednesday you can see your child.. I pay child support and i am never late with my payments. she won't even answer her phone to let me know how he is.

Answer 1

It looks as if you have no choice but to go the legal route. It's better that than not seeing your child.
This is YOUR child, too and your child deserves to know his dad and spend time with him.

Try being a little nicer to the mother of your baby. There's a lot of anger towards her in your post, (possibly deserved anger) but remember, your child is part of BOTH of you so if you have negative feelings toward her, keep them to yourself. As your child gets older, he needs to love both his parents and if either of you are talking badly about the other, then you're talking badly about him too..(He has the genes of both of you..) Plus, it will make it happier for him to know his parents are nice to each other. Don't put him through the stress of having to hear negative things about his mom or dad. You both are his parents, and like it or not, you are tied together in that way for the rest of his life. So, take the high road and make it friendly. Don't make him "choose" who he sides with, that's not fair.
Good luck and I'm glad you're taking such an interest in your child. Not every child has such a loving dad.

Answer 2

Under the law, the mother can't refuse contact with your child, unless you have (a) previous child abuse convictions or (b) have psychological problems. However since the mother refuses any contact, then I am afraid you don't have much choice, but to obtain a court order forcing her to allow your contact with the child.

The whole process is usually quite time consuming. To start with, the court will ask a CAFCASS officer to provide a report on the matter which takes about 16 weeks.

Anyway, in the long run, it might be better for the child to see both the parents getting along well. These things create deep impression in the mind of a little kid.

Answer 3

WEll, You should've wore a condom! Never trust someone so called "on the pill" That is still not 100%...If it was pure sex, why did you trust her? Trust comes in a relationship so yall had one...You can still conceive and not love a person. Paying child support is not payment to see your child! It is to help with the child's upbringing...You need to be part of that child's life...If you or serious about seeing the child and she will not let you...Ask her and tell her that you can come too so she can trust you...if not...ask her family to give you a way to get in contact with her and write her a letter (keep a copy) time will go by and your child will want to know who his or her father is...when that happens you can show that you have tried to contact and never lost hope and hopefully she or he will want to have a good relationship without the mom getting in the way...

Answer 4

Never mind the reasons why this came about. Your only option is to go down the legal route whether you like it or not. From what you say, it sounds like you have already tried for custody or access and are simply not happy with the court's ruling. You will not succeed in changing any court ruling unless you can prove the mother is neglecting the child so give in gracefully and accept Wednesday as the day you will have the child. Nothing is ideal in these situations but don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Answer 5

Hi there. There is not a right or wrong answer to your question. It sounds that she thought you loved her and wanted something to bind both of you together. Too bad that our children have to get in the middle of "adult" fights. If you are interested in being part of your child, then prove it. Let her know that you want to be there in the bad/good times. don't just see the boy whenever you feel like it or have some "free time". You will never have free time. Make plans to see him and let her know what are your true intentions. If you are just there to give her a hard time then leave the child alone. IF your are truly deeply convinced that you want your child to be with his dad, then by your actions, she will eventually change her mind. Also, it is a good thing to seek spiritual guide. Ask for advice from a pastor, rabi, priest,etc to help you through this. Also, don't know where you are located but there are groups for single dads that can help you through this. Good luck!

Answer 6

As sad as it is i think the courts are your best options. They are not only there for her and the child but also for you. At any time she can say you don't pay support and if you don't have any proof of support it is her word against yours.In most states she will be believed over you simply because shes a mother. Also they can in force a time for you to see your child. A child needs both parents as each has some thing that child needs. A mother can't give a dad's perspective of life to a child and vice versa. I'd be going to court if i were you for my own protection. Not to protect yourself is simply stupid.

Answer 7

IF you are totally serious about seeing your son, you are going to have to get yourself a lawyer.
There simply is no other way.
As you are unmarried, you have less rights than an ex-husband would have to see his children.

I'll say this though. Expect things to take at least 2 years to get to court, and a lot of mud-slinging inbetween.
The fact is, if your ex can't be trusted to let you see your boy, a judge might be! And arming yourself with a lawyer will show your ex how serious you are about being a part of his life.
Or you could do what too many others do... turn around & walk away.

Answer 8

Your right, it's not about you and her, it's totally about the best interest of the child. The mother needs to grow up, and realize this. Rejection is one of the hardest things any person will face in their life time. I feel for her! But, life goes on, and the child needs both a daddy and a mommy if possible. Since you are wanting to be responsible and be a loving daddy, she best count her lucky stars, and think of her child. You may not want to get involved in the legal mush, but to have a calm life, you may have too. Good luck! Your son will feel and see the tension, remind her of that!

Answer 9

I think thats wrong because take it from me, my mom pretty much does that with my dad. I really undertand how you feel. I know that its hard to talk to someone who wont open up their mind to listen but maybe you should leave a message, email or in person. But whatever you do, dont get angry, or show when you are because that is just going to make things confusing for the mother. Its your child too so you have the right to see him. I see my dad every weekend and thats an agreement between my parents and me and my sister. Try to do the same and even if you dont want to, you should try sending her flowers on mothers day, or just because, i know your not together but if you do that, you can earn her respect, enough so that she will let you see your child. Even though you and her dont like eachother, maybe even hate eachother, you HAVE to repair your relationship for the child. You dont have to get together or anything, you just have to have repect for eachother and not be at eachothers throats. Keep trying, and dont give up.Good luck. If worst comes to worst, you need to get a lawyer and go to court.

Answer 10

Go to court. I know you said you dont want to do that, but if there is no response from her in regards to the well being of your child, she is keeping them away from you on purpose, which isnt right.

Your child deserves to have a father in their life who loves and cares about them, irregardless of what the other parent says to them. If you pay your support, the least she can do is let the relationship with your child grow.

Besides doesnt she get that there are so many men who DONT want their kids and DONT take care of them?? Married or not, if you with hold your child from their other parent because of spite anger or hatred, you are wrong.