I hardly know my father. O.k. My dad has been in my life physically but not emotionally or anything else...He would get home and slam the door to his room and don't talk to us. This went on for many years well uptil I was 18...My mom and dad split up almost 9 years ago...I lost my brother in a car accident last year and he didn't show any emotion to anything...I've tried to call him and visit plenty of times and just gave up after nothing on the other end. I reduced my calls and visits to 3 times a year for a half an hour or less. (Mardi Gras, Halloween, and fair time) Just yesterday, he called me out the blue...I asked him what he was up to and he said chilling and doing nothing, so I asked him if he would like me and my kids to visit and he says not to get out my way to go there. I told him that it was up to him if he wanted company and he said no...I even asked him if he wanted to come eat with us for lunch and he said no...I don't know what is wrong with him...any suggestions
2006-11-13 08:55:16 · 7 answers · asked by angelic1302 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The fact that he called indicates that he's attempting to reach out to you. Maybe he declined your offers out of his guilt for being such a selfish father when you were younger. Set some time aside and go over to talk to him about anything and everything. A fresh start could be had by clearing the air.
How do I know this? My dad did the same thing.
Keep trying to mend the relationship if that's what you want. Just like I learned with my dad, life is so short and having unresolved issues is a heavy burden to carry.
Good luck. Oh, and by the way, I did mend my relationship with my dad and he turned out to be my best friend until he died 9 years ago.
2006-11-13 09:03:14 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father sounds cold, but there must be a reason for it. Your mother must have some ideal, since she was married to the man. I am glad to hear you still stay in contact. Either your father is on a pity party game, or he is ashamed of something. I would write him a letter to tell him exactly how you feel deep down, you have that right. I think mentally it would be a good release for you. You have nothing to lose, only gain-a clear mind when it comes to your dad, not being there for you-emotionally. Just maybe him reading that letter, good or bad, will bring him back into the real world of emotions again. Something must still be alive in him, or he would of never called. Good luck!
2006-11-13 17:06:15 · answer #2 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have heard of this....I think its basically with him blocking out all emotion he hasn't had time to grieve over anything. To give you an example about 2 years ago my grandpa died and for a year I didn't really feel that sad about it and then all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks and for months I was crying and upset. Maybe he is starting to realize and coming around and sees that he needs you. I would DEFINITELY take advantage of this and be there for your father! Good luck to you and I hope this helps!!
2006-11-13 16:58:38 · answer #3 · answered by Tiffany 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the phone call from him was his reaching out to you. He said he didn't want you to come over or go to lunch because you ASKED. Next time, just say I want to bring the kids by, we're doing "such and such" and we're just going to make a day of it, etc. I wouldn't go too fast or furious on this, but increase the frequency of your calls to him now. Maybe call him in 4 weeks. See how things go. It sounds like it's a start anyway. Good luck.
2006-11-13 16:59:22 · answer #4 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a lonely and depressed man who was reaching out to you. Maybe it was all he could manage was the call, to hear kind and caring voice. If he calls again or if you feel like calling him just to say hello he would probably appreciate it. Thankfully you are a healthy person; you didn't inherit his problem and you are angry at him for his problems.
2006-11-13 17:25:18 · answer #5 · answered by Alex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father is a very selfish man who wishes to be left alone and wants nothing to do with you. He is too self absorbed in is own sad little life....Sounds like he is not happy and thus is not able to make you happy...Leave the sad old bastard alone....He's just gonna rot away and regret his decision not to care for the family he started....It's his loss, not yours.
2006-11-13 16:57:45 · answer #6 · answered by whenrainbowscry 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey, I've got that problem with several close peopkle in my life. I wish I knew that answer myself. Depression? Jeolousy? Wish I knew.Afraid to get close for fear of getting rejected? Wish I knew.
2006-11-13 17:00:26 · answer #7 · answered by CryBaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋