What does a non Jewish person do when they are invited to stop by a Shivah?

Question

A friend that I work with Dad passed away...He is Jewish, when I mentioned that I would be attending the services, he indicated to me that the temple would be packed and instead it would do him better to stop by the shivah at his brothers house. This is all good by me, BUT I am catholic and not sure what to do when I get there...Do I stop in breifly? Is it true you cant say hello or good bye? Do I bring a food platter??? Please help....We are partners...I dont want to do the wrong thing or make a fool myself. If it helps.. they are only sitting Shivah two days....

Answer 1

stop in briefly.

a person sitting Shivah is going though a period of mourning and reflection. They want your support but not a party.

wait for the person to acknowledge you.

before you bring food know how strictly they keep kosher.

and like I said before pay your respects and if they do not indicate for you to say longer, dont. It should not take more than 10-20 min

pratical advice

Answer 2

Here is the protocol for the "Shivah call" (visiting someone who is sitting Shivah):

This is the Mitzvah of comforting mourners. It is considered more important than visiting sick people, for it enables you to honor both the dead and the living. One may visit Avelim on any of the Shivah days, but it is best, if possible, to visit after the first three days. During the first three days the mourner's grief is so great that he cannot really be comforted, and therefore usually only best friends and relatives are present at that time.


On the visit it is not accepted to say hello to the mourner. You must wait for the mourners to turn to you, and only then should you try comforting them. There is nothing "right" or "wrong" to say, but instead it is advisable to listen to the mourner, who often feels the need to talk. The purpose of comforting mourners is not to make them forget their grief or ignore it, but to let them know that they have the support of their friends, and help them deal with their loss.

During the visit try and notice when the mourners want you to leave, in order to avoid making them feel uncomfortable. Never tell a mourner to "sit down", because the mourning is referred to as "sitting Shivah". Therefore by telling a mourner to sit it is as though you are telling them to continue mourning. Finally, when you leave, do not say "good-bye". Instead, it is customary to say "May God comfort you amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem"."

P.S. I'm sure people who know you're not Jewish will understand if you don't remember the rules. They'll appreciate your condolences.

Answer 3

I wouldn't bring anything. Sitting Shivah is a way to be with the person who is mourning. Just be there, your partner won't be expecting anything more than that. You can stay for an hour or so... stay as long as it feels comfortable.

Answer 4

Usually Shiva is sat for 7 days.

Go to the home, tell the family you wish there was something you could say that would help (there really is nothing you can say). You do not have to stay long at all-they will understand.

Do not take food---if they keep a Kosher home, your food will not be allowed in the house. Just take yourself.

Answer 5

Now this is a great question. I just seen this on greys anotomy and the only thing they mentioed on there was that they eat and eat, people bring food, the person mouring does not change clothes or shower or anything for 7 days. you might want to look this one up or I really hope you get a more thorough answer on here otherwise ask the person who is going to it what to do. they will understand it is not your normal custom.

Answer 6

Stop in, don't use greetings, don't start a conversation, but when they do, talk with them. No joking subjects.

Answer 7

Just go there and do what everyone else does; be there for your friends and her family. They will all appreciate you for it!

Answer 8

Just go they will understand.