I am very close to my family(mother, grandmother, aunts) and we usually get along pretty well. I have had the same boyfriend for 2 years now and they still don't like him. We have just had a child together and I really just want them to except him, and the fact that we are going to be together. He is not perfect but no one is. He also has had run in with the law when he was younger but he is 29 now and has been out of trouble for a while(more than 6 years). I really love him and don't plan on leaving him. Should I expect my family to like or except him? Is there anything I can do to make this happen? Also it puts a strain on our relationship because he knows how close I am to my family and that they don't like him. How can I reassure him that I am not going to leave him? Can I live peacfully with him and my family in my life? If so explain. Any good advice will help.
2006-11-13 08:44:10 · 15 answers · asked by Sweetness 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He has a job but I make more money than him. Together we take care of our house. For some reason they like to think I'm better than him. He use to be what some people would call a thug, and I would say I'm what most would call a good girl. I never did any thing wrong or bad until I had a baby and wasn't married, but I don't want to get married yet. Its my choice. He has asked me a few times to get married and I declined because I'm only 22.
2006-11-13 09:27:37 · update #1
About the job the reason I make more than him and I'm younger is because I lucked out really and got a good job because I knew somebody that knew somebody, and he has a record.
2006-11-13 09:29:32 · update #2
I've been there..and guess what my family was right....but...for what ever reason your family doesn't like him....if he keep on staying out of trouble, they will come to except him. they just have to see..........you are their daughter, and they love you. are they mean to him? i hope not, that i could see it being un bearable. and don't ever say anything negative about him in front of you parents. except if he is going to hurt you or himself....God bless
2006-11-13 08:53:09 · answer #1 · answered by CINTHIA C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him, it should be quite obvious to him that you have not intentions of leaving him based on your families ideas or dislikes of him. That should not even be an issue. However, you should try to talk to your family and ask them to be a little open minded when it comes to him. He has not been in trouble for over six years, and everyone makes mistakes. Tell them that you love them and you love him also and you are going to be with him and would appreciate it they would at least try to include him because it hurts your feelings the way they treat him. And this may work, however, another issue they may have is the fact that the two of you have been together so long you do have a child and are not married. Does he have a job and support you and the child? Good luck and God bless*
2006-11-13 08:50:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with my husband. When I was dating him, my father, brother, and sister did not like him and kept encouraging me to leave him. I refused to and kept reminding them they are the ones dating him. We've been together for 9 years now and recently in the past two years my father has finally accepted the fact that this is the man I choose to be with. He finally sees that my husband really truly loves me. My brother and sister accepted it a few years ago much sooner than my dad did. Basically they think he's not good enough for me but after all we've been through and he's still by my side they realize that perhaps we were meant to be. He may not be perfect but I love him. So don't worry about it, I know it's hard to deal with but it give it more time and things will heal over. In the mean time the best thing to do is when he is around them, remind him not to open his mouth and say something stupid. He just has to stick around and prove how much he needs you, wants you, and loves you. When they finally see it, they'll be over it. Best of luck!
2006-11-13 08:51:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question is do they have reason now to dislike him? Does he treat you badly or not support you and the child you made with him? If he is being responsible and treats you well then your family will eventually come around. If he is doing things that give your family reason to dislike him then maybe you should consider what they are saying. Sometimes we don't see what is right under our noses because we love the person.
My best friend at her wedding her mother told me how pretty I was and never said anything to her daughter. She also convinsed her son to start crying in the middle of the ceremony all just because she hated her to-be-son-in-law. Today he is her favorite in the family. If she could come around then your family will too as long as he deserves it and just let him know you love your family but love him too and plan to stay with him.
2006-11-13 08:55:13 · answer #4 · answered by Janet J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's such a tough situation to be in. I've been on both sides of it - my parents didn't like my boyfriend for the longest time, and his parents hated me and refused to meet me. I was pregnant with their grandchild at the time, and they knew if they didn't meet me, they'd never meet him - and they didn't care.
There's no good answer here. . .in my case, it just took time. I also was VERY careful what I told my parents about my boyfriend. If we had a fight or if something wasn't going well, I just didn't tell them. That gave them less to complain about. He's a good father to our son, so I kept highlighting that and talking about the good things we had done together and how things were going very well between us. My parents are slowly coming around. I think deep down they still aren't happy though.
His parents, on the other hand, still wish I'd just go away and take my baby with me!! They've seen my son a total of three times, and make no effort to stay in touch with me to know anything about him. What's really hard about that is that my boyfriend has a daughter from his marriage, and they're really close to her, and they make it clear that she's the only grandchild they really like.
My boyfriend and I have recently moved over 900 miles away from his parents, which has helped. I think they've finally realized that we're going to be together - they still hate it and wish I wasn't here, but since we're out of their daily lives, it's tolerable, I guess.
2006-11-13 08:49:35 · answer #5 · answered by BasketChick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is something that your family know about this guy that you are not telling us. Usually the family will like a boyfriend or girlfriend if the person is right for the family member. Maybe he's not doing you the way that they think that he should and you just don't want to say that. It is a reason for everything!!!!!!!!
2006-11-13 08:47:51 · answer #6 · answered by Child of God 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Usually families are a pretty good sounding board for you to bounce ideas off of. They are the ones who truly know you and truly accept you for the way that you are. What you have to do is respect their opinion. However, on that same note they have to respect your feelings and understand that you are not going to leave your babies father. The biggest thing you need to do is communicate your feelings and let them know how you are feeling about it.
2006-11-13 08:48:37 · answer #7 · answered by nice_guyminnesota 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try having your family not like your fiancee! It sucks so bad and I really feel for you! The only thing you can do is stand by your man and just get through it the best you can. If you love him and obviously you love them you can surly balance it out.
2006-11-13 08:51:22 · answer #8 · answered by Tiffany 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you love who you love, your family unless he is abusive or verbal with the abuse should just let you be . if you love him and he is good to you and the baby and he can take care of you guys with out the help or your family then by all means love him and be with him. but if he is not totally able to support you and the baby then i see your family's plight but on the other hand if your comfortable with what he has to offer the i wish you the best lol
2006-11-13 08:51:41 · answer #9 · answered by sexyswells42 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There comes a time in one's life that the opinions of family members matter less and less as one develops their own family...as you have done. Spend your time solidifying your relationship with your man. When your family realizes that you are happy with him, and he is a good father, husband, and provider, they will change their opinions.
2006-11-13 08:51:35 · answer #10 · answered by MICHAEL R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋