He just doesn't want to work and help me pay the bills. Likes to stay up late and drink 2 or 3 nights out of the week and is mean to me because he's hung over and has bring the girls to pre-school because I work a morning shift.
I am completely out of ideas. I don't know what to do. Christmas is coming. I have a 3yr old and an 18 month old. Both girls.
He goes to college but so do I (my classes are homebased) and I work 5 days a week, still do the laundry, still cooks, still cleans. It's making me miserable and he knows it!
Do people just get stuck sometimes? I don't want to be dragged down anymore. What can I do?
2006-11-13 08:35:34 · 9 answers · asked by Caffiene Junkie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sometimes people do get stuck. But in the same breath some just get comortable. Through personal experience I have found that the more you enable a man to be lazy, shiftless, and not do much, the less they will do. If you accept him not helping out he will think that is ok with you.
It is hard with children, but they should not be made to suffer just because there is a grown child in the home who doesnt want to work and help out. It is financially a bad idea for you to allow him to stay at home.
My fiance went to college and held a full time job just to make sure things at home were taken care of. I also worked, even throughout my pregnancy. With three kids, we needed all the money we could.
I left my ex first for all of the reasons you had listed above. I no longer wanted to be around such a hateful person who didnt help. I deserved better- so i left ang got better.
most people never realize how good they had it until it leaves!
2006-11-13 09:36:31 · answer #1 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you and the girls have become quite the imposition.
First, take account of what you have to do in a day. Try to cut back. Leave his laundry since he doesn't seem to have much else to do. Make you and the kids's needs your priority.
Then pay the bills and let him know there just isn't any more money. How does he pay for his booze? You shouldn't be giving him money. Open your own checking account and handle the funds yourself.
You can apply for child support even though he lives in your home. You don't need a lawyer. All you do is go down to Family Court, pick up the paperwork, fill it out honestly, and return it and get a copy for yourself. A court date will be assigned. Do go to that court date. Support will begin to accrue from the time you file.
If he asks what you are doing this for, just tell him you understand he can't pay for himself but that he needs to be making a contribution for the kids. It's the law. Explain to him that this is something you do For your kids, not Against him.
If you plan on leaving him apply for subsidized daycare (you may qualify for this with him living there). Apply for subsidized housing, WIC, and food stamps, and state health insurance. You can ask if there are local agencies that will help you to provide Christmas presents for the kids.
You can't make him do anything. He makes decisions for himself. Don't assume anything has to happen right now. Take your time.
Sounds like he's stuck in the bottle. If you don't want to live with an alcoholic then follow the procedure above.
On the other hand, he may be dealing with depression, in which case you have a basically medical problem. See if he won't see a doctor. Research nutritional support. If he doesn't want help know that depression is contagious.
See what support you have, family and friend's wise. If you leave him would anyone be willing to sit with and then transport the kids?
Darlin', partnerships are based on friendship and this man is no friend to you. You should be able to expect to be treated with respect. You should be able to respect your man. Sounds like you've tried every avenue. Once they are exhausted, then that is the end. You could "try" forever, end up depressed, and raise depressed children. Just make sure you have your ducks in a row when it is time to let him go.
2006-11-13 09:38:11 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-01 11:56:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him and fill for custody of the kids and draw for child support checks from him. You're basically alone yourself and doing everything yourself so it won't be so bad if you were to leave him. It's a good idea to leave him because there might be some one out there that's willing to help you out with your home and kids, but as long as you got him around then you're not going to find that person.
2006-11-13 08:47:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like a motivation issue, it sounds like an incredible lack of maturity. I suggest some marital counseling along with AA and Al-Anon for the drinking.
2006-11-13 08:38:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You tell him it is time for him to be a man and help with carrying the load, if he doesnt then you get rid of his sorry butt. Nobody should have to do it all by themself. What kind of man lets his wife support him anyway?
2006-11-13 08:54:20 · answer #6 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him TO GET OFF HIS *** AND GO TO WORK IF HE CANT HELP YOU PAY THE BILLS THEN HE NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND LIVE ON HIS OWN.
THEN MOVE ON TO A BETTER MAN.
2006-11-13 08:39:21 · answer #7 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am in the SAME boat!
I'm at my wits end trying to figure out what to do. It's a tough decision, isn't it?!
2006-11-13 08:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
leave him alone you devil
2006-11-13 08:37:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋