Is it normal for toddlers to lie?

Question

Is it just a phase? How do you get through it?

Answer 1

It depends. Often times toddlers are not” lying,” they are using their imagination. They are still in the process of developing a conscience. Your child is probably just measuring you up to see the reaction he or she gets from you. Because fantasy and reality are intertwined, toddlers do not understand why adults make a fuss over lying. It is a phase that passes when children get a bit older. If you feel it is not about using an imagination, your child could be trying to gain attention, feel powerful, or is afraid of something. Is there too much criticism or punishment? Perhaps loss of love and approval is the price he or she pays for making mistakes or doing things the “wrong” way? Fear of criticism or punishment and fear of loss of love are strong motivations for lying. What happens when your child lies? If your child is punished for misbehaviors, fear is likely the reason behind the lie.

Start problem solving with your child. In problem solving, there is no threat of criticism, punishment, loss of love, or loss of approval. In problem solving, there is only acceptance of the child as he or she is. Hold your child responsible for their actions using natural and logical consequences. When they spill something, they wipe it up. If they are destructive with a toy, it gets put it in the trash. Children are naturally cooperative when they have no fear of negative consequences.

In problem solving, the word “lie” is never mentioned or implied. Children are shown the same respect as adults. The distinction between truth and untruth can be taught in more positive ways such as discussing whether a certain story was real of pretend.

Children are also surrounded by white lies. They hear the phone ring and mom says “Tell them I’m not here.” Dad may call in sick to work and then spend the day at the golf course. Adults may say how much they love a gift and then throw it away. These social deceptions make things more confusing to the child. When the child forgets to put away her toys, what’s wrong with saying, “I didn’t do it” as long as she gets away with it? Mom and dad do. A lie gets her out of punishment.

Help your child to feel powerful by saying thing like “You did that by yourself!” “Look how high you can jump!” “You used so many colors on you picture.” These phrases are great ways to help children feel powerful, great confidence builders, and great ways to show attention.

If you begin problem solving, not use punishments, and use phrases to help your child feel powerful and confident, they should soon start to feel more confident, less afraid of making mistakes, feel they are getting positive attention, and stop the lies! Hope this helps! Good luck to you!

Answer 2

Depending on the lie and the child's age! - but to be honest with you mom, in my experience, and I have had a lot, a lie is a lie, at any age. Somewhere,sometime, your toddler has seen how a lie can get her an advantage. Parents have a tendency to speak in front of their children, not realizing what their child is learning. Do you know that by the age of 3-yrs. the average north American child has been exposed to over 100,000 acts of violence,sex and bad language. No wonder they can lie at such a young age. Do something about it now, show your child the ills of lying - it will pay in the long run, because in less then a New York Minute this child will be a teenager - and then Look Out!

Answer 3

I agree, kids do lie as a process of growing up. From experience with my two girls when they were toddlers, I would enforce the positive aspect of telling the truth. Whether it was about a dirty diaper, a cookie or anything, I would use positive reinforcement to get them not to lie.

Now at 9 and 11, if they lie, that is a different story and is of course handled differently.

Answer 4

As a number of other people have mentioned, a lot of kids "test their boundaries" by lying. What I did with my little ones, once I realised that their imaginations were getting the better of them, was stop them in the lie. For instance, if one of them started to tell me that his friend "gave" him a toy truck, I'd say, "Wouldn't that be something if he *did* give it to you? But since he didn't, we have to return it to him. On the way over, let's figure out what you can do to earn your own truck, okay?"

I found that once a child completed a lie to you, they often felt that they had painted themselves into a corner and had to therefore create more lies to cover up the original one. By sympathetically stopping the lie before it goes too far, your child can learn that s/he can still feel good *without* lying.

Answer 5

Toddlers definetly lie. They don't want to get into trouble so they tell you what they think you want to hear. They are also testing their boundries. I tell them that lieing is dirty and for my 6 year old will threaten the soap. For toddlers, show them with face expression and your voice how sad you are that they lied to you and that they hurt you. They don't like to see mommy upset. For older toddlers whatever punisment you use is what you should do- my kids hate time out.

Answer 6

Hey Now...

I think Bill Cosby said it best...

His 2 year old daughter is standing in the kitchen,
in her hand is a cookie...
She had been told she could not have that cookie...
She tells him .."look Daddy I have a cookie for you"

Yes kids lie..
It is a process in growing up.

My 2 year old had chocolate around her mouth but swore
to me that she did not eat the chocolate bar..
She is now 5 and does not lie at all..

It should pass, if not ask her doctor for advice on
how to handle it...

Good Luck

Smiles

Answer 7

Yeah it happens. it's usually just them testing their bounderies. Sometimes it can be something learned too. If they have older siblings or playmates that they could be picking up the behavior from.

It could easily end up just being a phase. But make sure you stop the bad behavior now. So it doesn't become a reacurring issue.

Answer 8

No, I never knew toddlers can lie.
I never was smart to lie til I was 5.
I always thought young children like 3 and under were always truthful.

Answer 9

My daughter lies about if she has a dirty diaper...but that's just because she doesn't want it changed. I think toddlers also lie sometimes so they won't get into trouble.

Answer 10

my son tells whoppers to his teachers all day! she tells me the stories he tells the class.

He is 2 (almost three) and tells them he has elephants at home.(we recently went to the zoo). HE also tells her that his dog bites him all the time, even on days where he dosent even go outside to play with her....Its kind of scary sometimes! But at least she knows the way these kids are right now!


ITS SOOOOOO NORMAL!