If you Spoil A Child TOO Much What Happens in Adulthood?

Question

I know a lady who spoils her kids, by washing their clothes, making them homemade dinner, and doing housework for them at times.

The kids are in their 40's and unmarried living out but they visit mom to do all the work. Is this unkind? Any moms out there like this supermom?

Niko, that is the name of their father.

Ayeeeee.

Answer 1

My 7 year old vacuums, does the dishes, sorts laundry, carries in groceries, makes her own breakfast etc etc etc

My 9 year old puts laundry away, does laundry, does dishes, carries in groceries, is my grocery shopper "gopher" - she gets 1/2 the list and meets me when she is done at the grocery store.

You get the point.

What happens? They become 40something, hanging out with their mom, unmarried mommas boys. No girlfriends [they are seen as pathetic], they probably can't cook anything unfrozen, don't know how to use a washer etc etc etc.

She's not a supermom - she's weak willed.

Answer 2

There are a lot of women who experience what is called Empty Nest syndrome when their children leave home. The truth is that these women are having a hard time breaking old habits. We are programmed to do for our kids for 20 years and then society is surprised when it is not easy for us to just give it up. What are we supposed to do with all that time? Our kids have been our lives...

There are also many families that have mostly unmarried kids. These are often thought of as unfortunate kids who did not grow up with a good model for relationships. That is something that can add a feeling of guilt to a mother who wants her kids to be happy.

The bottom line is that things happen for a reason and those reasons are not always obvious. It is not our business to determine the rightness of what others do, beyond determining if that course of action is right for ourselves. If it's not for us, that does not invalidate it as a way of being - see what I mean? As a matter of fact, it has been my experience that the more i say "I just can't understand how that happens" the more likely I am to find myself in exactly that situation and faced with just the questions and consequences that leads to the experience (presumably so I can understand it better). For example I used to say "I don't know how all this road kill happens - what's the matter with people that they can't stop for an animal crossing the road" until I found myself in a situation where I either had to harm an animal in the road or potentially harm my family - NOW I understand. The universe is funny that way.

Look at your own family objectively and see if you don't exhibit behavior that someone else would question or criticize. What goes on in our private lives belongs in the Private Sphere and should not be up for conjecture and judgement by people who are not directly affected by the behavior.

Peace!

Answer 3

A parent isn't the only factor in a person's life which influences them, although they do tend to be the most important factor. For instance, my parents divorced when I was five years old and the kids lived with my mom. Two years after the divorce, for almost every day that I lived there, my mother hit us. Very rarely was it for a reason other than she felt like it at the time. Usually she would make up some reason to try to excuse it, like we weren't holding our spoon exactly right at mealtime, or we answered her a split second later than she thought we should, or we left a single wrinkle on the clothes we had to iron. She would do anything from smacking us across the face to picking us up and throwing us across the room into the walls, furniture, or what not.

I came away from this not wanting to inflict that type of behaviour on anyone else. My older brother, on the other hand, took every opportunity to hurt others, even to the point of murdering a guy just because he was pissed at him, nothing more. We both got the same thing from our mother but we both turned out radically different, because we each took something different from it.

Answer 4

I ex-mother in law was like this. Scary. She had to type out directions on how to do the laundry when she retired and moved out of town. Her 4 boys were clueless about paying bills, balancing bank accounts, cooking, laundry....whatever. Definitely not a turn on for women. 2 of the four are single...the 2 babies who mom was the worth with spoiling. I think it's terrible. Parents need to teach responsibility and capability!

Answer 5

Well, my parents used to do my laundry, make us a homemade dinner or do housework for me at times as a surprise or if I were sick. I certainly didn't "expect" them to do it but I sure loved it when they did - now I pass this "gift" on to my own grown children when I can. I don't see anything wrong with it unless it's an "all the time" thing - then it's WEIRD!

Answer 6

go take a good look at china...little emperor´s sydrome...XD...u know, most countries upper class or middle class spoil their kids...with maids or the parents...in chile probably at least 30% or 30 year olds still live with their parents...XD and yeah, studies have shown(and from living with oneXD)that the adverse affects of being overly spoiled carries into adulthood with the kids being more pron to violence and pérsonality problems...such as selfishness...it sux, but this is what a lot of the world is doing...jajaja...it´s rare in the US...XD*rock on*

Answer 7

sad but true and it's not categorized as supermoms - plain foolishness. sorry to say that, at the end of the day the mom is bearing all the sufferings herself and no one else and none can help. very good example like my mom and my elder brother whom is 35 although is due to marry end of this year but then again my mom now is complaining so much with all that she has done for him which i've already said from the beginning it's really not worth it but as i say nothing can change her. it's their choice and like it or not she's still my mom and at least there's something for me to learn from her - not to be like her.

Answer 8

They become President of the United States.

Answer 9

She's not a supermom-she's a moron. Kids need to be taught responsibility and she apparently never cared enough to teach her kids this. They are ruined for life.

Answer 10

Spoiling kids is bad because when they become adults they expect everything - they expect to make $100,000 a year and do nothing; they expect everyone to give them everything without them doing anything to deserve it. They won't know how to do things for themselves because mommy and daddy handled it - it's just sad and wrong.