My husband and I have been married ten years. We've had a strong marriage and we've always been so happy. He's had depression for years but medication has made it tolerable for him. Recently it's gotten much, much worse. He's now withdrawn from everyone. He says he doesn't feel connected to me or any of his friends or any of his family.
He says he's "committed to our marriage" but in the next breath he says he "just wants to be left alone." He says he doesn't enjoy anything. He doesn't want to go out of the house. He literally just wants to lay there and be left alone. He's just started new medication but is frustrated because it isn't working immediately.
I've heard of marriages ending because of depression. What's worse, even when I tell him that I'll stick with him through everything, he says he just doesn't feel any "connection" to me. Is there any hope that this will turn around? I love him so much. Is there anything I can do to get us through this?
2006-11-13 07:55:09 · 9 answers · asked by Trinity I 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I'm the one with depression in our marriage, and I can tell you it is a tough situation from both sides. But we have been married for 26 years and the last 5 years have been our happiest, so don't give up.
You say that medication used to help your husband. It sounds like he needs to change his medication if what he is taking no longer works. That happened with me - after a couple of years on one medication or a combination of medications, they didn't seem to work any more. Then my doctor and I would have to try a different medication or combination of meds. Sometimes it would take two or three tries to find the right one.
It is not an easy process, but don't give up on your husband, and tell him not to give up on himself. I know *exactly* how he feels, believe me. But in order to feel better, you have to *do* something. And that's the hardest thing in the world when you're depressed. But for the sake of your loved ones, and most of all for your own sake (this is speaking to your husband), you have to do it - go see your doctor, go to your therapist, whatever might work.
Good luck to both of you. Feel free to email me if you like.
P.S. Here is a support site that has message boards both for people with depression and for families and friends of people with depression:
http://wingofmadness.com/
2006-11-13 08:09:31 · answer #1 · answered by dreamweaver.629ok 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all he needs to go back to a doctor to talk about his meds. the meds should be changed or he needs to up the dose. i suffer from depression and sometimes i would feel great from using a certain medication, but then it would fade and iw ould ifnd myself helpless again. i also think he should be going to a therapist. since it is so severe he should be talking to someone every week. i am sure he doesn't want to feel depressed anymore and if he doesn't, as hard as it is when you are depressed, he has to put some work in. depression won't just go away. it takes time and hard work. also, you should find a therapist who has dealt with marriage counseling. that way, your husband can talk to the therapist one on one and sometimes you can join in conversations. discuss dealing with the marriage, your observations of his behavior. this will also help you feel connected. he will see that you actively trying to help him and aid in his recovery. just having someone else there to ask questions and give insight into your relationship can really help. i am not sure how your husbands acts....like is he open to suggestions? you should really discuss that you don't want your relationship to end and say "yes you may not feel connected to me, but we both want to be connected, what can we do to be connected? what do you need?" as awful as he feels he needs to reach out for help and he needs to take steps to getting better. people need fresh air and exercise, proper diet. he isn't getting any sunlight or fresh air and this can only worsen the bad feelings.
i am so sorry that he feels bad and that you on the other side are dealing with someone you love who is depressed. it is so hard to see the person you love like that and it seems there is nothing you can do about it. there is hope, honey. this can pass. he can get help or this could be deep depression phase. show him you love and tell him you need his love too. in the mean time, do not abandon your huisband (which i'm sure you wouldn't) but make sure you take time for you. go out, take part in activities you love. you care so much about him i know, but you also have to take care of yourself. if anything, you won't be any help to him if you get down. you have to be strong for him and you have to be strong, especially, for you. good luck!
2006-11-13 16:22:07 · answer #2 · answered by cheekybrit 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you been to a doctor. \ Depression is really hard to deal with. My hubby has bi-polar so it isn't just clinical depression to I have to deal with. They may need to put him on another medication. Or you may need to find out how long it takes for the drug to kick in. Maybe the medication is not working for him. Talk to his doctor and find out. It is not that he doesn't feel any connection to you it's that he doesn't feel any connection to anyone. Stay with it, he needs you more than ever. That is the hardest thing to say. I wondered how I was going to cope with my hubby's mental illness. Also, find a time for yourself as well. The hardest thing is not letting him bring you down with his illness. If you let it it will. You will get through this but I wish it were easier for you.
2006-11-13 19:39:41 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing your husband's full medical history, it is hard to tell if he will get better. But, in most cases, with the correct medication and counseling most people with depression do improve.
Be sure that your husband takes his medication and sees a qualified psychiatrist on a regular basis. Beyond that, all you can do is be patient and supportive. Don't forget that most of what he says is the disease talking and not him.
2006-11-13 16:06:14 · answer #4 · answered by texas_boone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. I would just keep telling him that your there for him if and when he needs you. You also need to take time out for yourself. Sounds like he also needs to be seeing a therapist on a regular basis. He's on the medication and that's good, but that take's time to fully kick in. While he's waiting for the medication to start working he needs to see a therapist and talk about what he's feeling on the inside. Believe me it helps to talk about it.
2006-11-13 17:05:50 · answer #5 · answered by heartyangel98 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling and tell his Dr that the meds are not working you can also try herbals like St. Johns Wart
2006-11-13 16:03:26 · answer #6 · answered by harmony moon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i suggest you take care of yourself...
there is little if anything you can do to help your husband...of course be loving and supportive...but YOU can't CURE him....
take time for yourself and do things you enjoy, to keep your own sanity...
and i imagine it's a huge stress for you, so maybe you should go to a support group for families of people with mental illness....or talk to a therapist
2006-11-13 16:05:57 · answer #7 · answered by SNAP! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he needs to see someone. i don't just mean taking meds. i mean, along with the meds he should be talking to someone.
2006-11-13 16:03:18 · answer #8 · answered by practicalwizard 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
holy crap
2006-11-13 16:28:17 · answer #9 · answered by atomiccobra 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋