She is attending a seminar and bringing along her husband. I have no choice but to keep them However my daughter is getting use to bringing her 2 kids ages 3 &7 yrs old for me to take care all the time. Is there a way I can tell her that one of them has to stay behind to mind their kids. Her seminars become a pleasure trip for her husband as well. I am a Diabetic and sickly.
2006-11-13 07:14:24 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Get both of them and tell them in nice terms you really can't put up with it anymore. You love your grandchildren but they make you extremely tired, you have to constantly watch them and care for them and you don't feel strong enough to keep up with them, they are kids and you are sick, you just can't do it.
A good solution for both of you would be to hire somebody to help you with the kids when they decide to leave them with you. You daugther might been doing this because she feel good knowing the kids are with you and not with a stranger. Tell your daughter to hire a helper who will play with the kids and take care of them, give them meals, it doesn't even need to be an stranger, she can hire a member of your own family to do the job.
She might think you just don't want to take care of the kids and that's fine, she has the right to get mad if she wants to, but think of it this way, eventually she will realize you are not that young anymore and she will come around, don't worry, give her time, but make clear what it is that you want. Communication is the key.
2006-11-13 07:24:55 · answer #1 · answered by L M 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Oh dear. No spine my dear? Since you have somehow let yourself be obligated this time, I would also make it the last time if you truely do not like these kids in your care like this. My Mother is a diabetic, but not sickly, but she takes the grandkids when she wants them. You can't MAKE HER do anything she doesn't want to do. If you are sickly, I would say its very mean and selfish of your daughter to leave her children in your care. What if you lapsed into a diabetic coma? This could be a problem since they are relatively young. Sit her down when she comes to pick them up and let her know, in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, you will take the children WHEN YOU WANT THEM, you will call, not vice versa, that your health is not good and you feel ill equiped to handle the children for extended periods of time with your health issues and suggest she find a neighbor, a friend or SOMEONE ELSE to leave them with. Next time she calls and says she's going to drop them off, say you won't be home, you have a doctors appointment, are going to France, starting a class on how to avoid unrealistic demands from selfish children and it runs that whole weekend. She'll get the hint! Good luck!
2006-11-13 15:23:20 · answer #2 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First, explain to her that it is difficult for you, with your health, to be doing this for her when it is not an emergency.
Second, if she still insists on trying to use you for this purpose, tell her that you should be paid the same as if she hired someone else to do it. That ought to put the brakes on her and her husband using you.
Third, Tell her to take the children with her....hubby can watch the children while she is actually participating in the seminar. It could be a family outing.
Fourth, just say NO.
2006-11-13 15:27:10 · answer #3 · answered by pessimoptimist 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to put your foot down and tell her kindly that you adore the children, you look forward to the visits with them but you can't possibly handle two days alone with both of them any longer.
Tell her that you can't keep them for seminars anymore because you feel so run down after they go home and you mentioned to your doctor that you feel ill and tired for a long time afterward and he suggested you not sit for them overnight.
Tell her you realize how much fun she and her husband have on the seminars (so she can't pull the "It's a work function" card) and tell her that you will agree to babysit the kids for one evening every couple of months for her and her husband to go out. She can bring the kids over in their PJ's after dinner and a bath and then she and hubby can go out, stay out late and sleep in a little. Tell her you just want the kids picked up by 1pm the next day. That way all you do is tuck the kids in to bed at night and spend half of the next day with them.
Otherwise, just say "no" if she is not willing to take responsibility for her own children.
2006-11-13 15:20:34 · answer #4 · answered by ssssss 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You can let her know that due to your health concerns, you cannot tend to both children for extended periods of time. A few hours, or even an overnight, but never a weekend or longer. Mainly because in the event (lord forbid) that you become too ill to take care of yourself you would rahter the grandchildren not be there to witness that.
If they cannot understand that, then simply tell them the next time you ask that you have prior engagements that you simply cannot break.
2006-11-13 15:35:56 · answer #5 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough situation BUT you are going to have to be upfront & honest with your daughter & explain to her that you CANNOT care for the children while she & her husband go to seminars and that this is the LAST time. If she can't understand that then she has a problem. Good luck to you.
2006-11-13 15:17:11 · answer #6 · answered by dmommab@sbcglobal.net 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My mom has no problem telling me no when it comes to watching the kids. (I have two, also) But, your daughter should also understand that you're diabetic (which I am as well) and it honestly does take a lot out of you. Talk to her about it. Maybe her husband's mother can keep the kids this time.
2006-11-13 15:17:24 · answer #7 · answered by KC 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Just say NO!! I am sure you may feel some guilt over doing so, but you have to put your health first. I am sure she could find others to watch her kids for a day or two, you are probably first on her list and always say yes. She could possibly check with her children's friends parents,(you watch mine I will watch yours kind of deal) or her church to help her out
Good luck, and please take care of yourself.
2006-11-13 15:19:51 · answer #8 · answered by kay_77381 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just come out and tell her. Shes your daughter you should have no problem telling her like it is. Tell her you dont mind "helping out" but all the time is getting a bit much! Surley she can hire a nanny!
2006-11-13 15:17:58 · answer #9 · answered by BOOTS! 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your daughter sounds like my sister!! After MANY years my mother is getting better at saying 'no'.....it's not fair for you to have to do that.
2006-11-13 16:35:06 · answer #10 · answered by Alison 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋