Grieving - Will the pain ever stop?

Question

I recently lost my mother - she was 53 and Im finding it very hard to cope. I have contacted CRUSE but it seems to old ladies whose husbands have died. I have been to my GP who wanted to refer me to a psychiatrist!? Just wondered if anyone else had been through this and what their thoughts were

Many thanks

Answer 1

hi, i lost my mum a few years back, it is very hard at first you just want to pick up the phone and tell her about your day or ask her advice and then you realise she is no longer there, she never got to see me get married or have kids, but i like to feel she looks down from time to time and watches over us, the pain never goes away but it does ease with time,and soon you will find yourself telling the funny stories about her and laughing rather than just remembering the sad times and missing her, maybe your GP could give you some anti depressants or get you a councilor so you can talk over these emotions you are feeling and come to terms with your loss...i hope you feel better soon and start to look to the future with a bit more optimism...good luck

Answer 2

Hello ,

I am sorry to hear about your loss, but reading all the other answers, it really helps to know that you are not alone.

I lost my mum and my Dad in the last 6 years and I was only 18 at the time. It is such a harsh and life-changing blow, that affects you in many different ways and in a sense changes the person that you once were. In time you can see this as a positive thing, as you will find that you strive for greater things, to live your life to the full and to appreciate every second that you spend with loved ones. I know that I spend everyday making my mum proud and this makes me happy and fulfilled, even though she is not there in person to share it with me.

I found it hard to believe that anyone could feel the loss and emptiness that I was feeling and still do. It's not something that people can relate to , unless they go through it.

I found an amazing book called Motherless Daughters, the Legacy of loss by Hope Edelman. It sums up perfectly how I was feeling and made me see that I am not the only person to ever lose someone. There is also a great website called Missing Mother syndrome(look on Google). It really helps to talk to these people and read about the physcology behind your actions and feelings.

I have never been to councelling myself and I believe that individuals deal with loss in their own way. There is no set amount of time for grieving. Time will ease the edge on the pain, but at pinnacle points in your life, (marriage, birth of children) it will bring things back. Be happy in knowing that your mum is watching and guiding you from afar. If you listen to your heart, you will find that you will hear her words of advice and loving encouragement..even though you cannot see her anymore.

I hope that this helps and feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk.

Take care and live life for yourself and keep your mum with you in your heart wherever you go.

Best Wishes, Gem

Answer 3

Hi,

Different people cope with grief in different ways. I think that as a short term solution the doc could give you some sleeping tabs, or anti depressents - as a short term method.

I do think that there organisations like Curse are good, as people can relate to you and you will be given the chance to express your emotions. What is a good method is to remember the good memories you had and focus on the positive aspects of your mums life. It will take time, some days you will feel like crap and not wanting to go out etc, and other days will be easier.

It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved before. I am sure that she is looking down on you, and is with you in spirit.

Take care.

Answer 4

It doesn't seem like it right now...but it will get better. You will never be completely over your loss but in time it will get better. Perhaps seeing a therapist would be good. It's nice to have someone to talk to when everyone else seems to not care. Try hanging out with friends. Try to avoid things that remind you of her...I'm not saying to forget about her but seeing things right now that make you think of her is like pouring salt into an open wound. When I was depressed the only channel I could watch for 3 months was the Disney channel. Everything else would totally add to my misery. I'm very sorry for you loss and I wish you nothing but the best while you're on your road to recovery!

Answer 5

When we had a loss ever thing was really bad for months the crying never stopped but we had to cope we have 2 more kids the pain stays with you for ever now all i can tell you is to think of your mother as the person she was and talk to her tell her what your up to and never forget her go and see the psychiatrist you will be able to say anything to him without him judging you you are not ill you are bereaved

Answer 6

I lost my dad a few years back, he was only 47 when he was murdered and it hit me very hard. The pain never goes away however it does lessen with time.

Try to remember all the good times you had with your mum whilst she was alive and it will always make you smile when you remember something she said or some advice she gave you as a child... I know it does me from my Dad.

Remember as well that it is ok to sit and have a cry from time to time if you need to and you shouldnt feel ashamed of that. It will always hurt at some point but it will start to get better if you allow yourself to grieve properly.

Answer 7

What has helped me after losing 2 close family members is being able to talk about them to others who knew and loved them.
There are other organisations & support groups out there & your GP will probably be able to point you in the right direction.
I would have thought he might offer counselling rather than a psychiatrist as such.

Grieving is desperately painful & I feel for you & hope you that you will find peace in your heart in time
best wishes

Answer 8

May not happen in due time, but you will get over it. Just think of him as being in a better place now, like maybe Hamster Heaven? Losing a pet is like losing a family member. It's rough, but, just think of all the good times you had with it. That's how I deal with the lose of a pet or family member. I have a lot of good memories from past relatives. We're talking maybe 40+ years of good memories.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry about your mum, my mum died 6 weeks ago and I also feel lost, like I'm a small child again!

I think that perhaps a psychotherapist would be better suited to your needs right now, and not a psychiatrist. Ask your Dr for a referral or alternatively contact BACP http://www.bacp.co.uk/

My thoughts are with you, be strong xxx

Answer 10

I lost my mom when I was 26, it's been four years. It was the most devastating event in my life. Things will eventually get better but for now cry, scream, ramble, and do everything your emotions tell you. That is the only way to start letting go of the pain. She knows you're hurting and doesn't want to see you that way, you have to believe that. When my mom past away, I started writing poems for her and that made me feel better. Good luck