Out of control 3 year old .....HELP!!!?

Question

My brother has a three year old daughter who is afraid of nothing and will stop at nothing to get her way!! He got a call from her school this morning saying that she kicked another child in the back and he was asked to come and pick her up. She will not be able to return to school untill they have a meeting with a coordinator. He was so emberraced to have to go and get her under those circumstances, I myself have a 5 yr old and didn't have problems like this when she was three. I love my niece, but she is so mean, doesn't listen, and really doesn't care. My poor brother is a wonderful father and has tried numorous things....time out, napping, talking to her, taking away favorite toys, rewarding her for good behavior etc. Any advice from you other parents who may have treveled this road would be great!

Answer 1

I work in a daycare and I see children hurt other children all the time it's very common- although as they turn three, such behaviour should start to decrease. I hope there are good teachers there, so many I see are hopeless.

I would say basically that the problems are with the way your brother or other carers, handle her. Haven't you watched super nanny etc?- usually it is about re-training the parents to handle their children appropriately.
Consistency and not accepting unacceptable behaviour is very important. The child needs to get the picture they will NEVER get away with that sort of behaviour.

Saying that, there are some children that seem to have biological developmental problems and act out in this way, so it may not lie solely with the parents.

My advice would be to seek help from some third party. In my country we have 'education services' who would come to the school and observe the child and work with them to resolve the problem, do you have something like that in your country? here, it is free.

Answer 2

First of all, she is three years old right? Have you ever heard of 1,2,3 Magic? It really works. First set your 3 year old down and tell her things are going to change. Here are the new rules of the house. Tell her you are tired of saying things over and over and tired of the way she has been behaving and here is what is going to happen from now on when she doesn't listen. OKAY>>> You tell your child what you want., If she refuses You say THAT'S ONE and wait 5-10 seconds then if she stills refuses say THAT's TWO and wait 5-10 seconds if she still refuses to THAT's THREE AND 1,2,3 MAGIC you have 3 minutes of time out ( time out can be on a chair, in her room without her toys, or on the floor wherever you choose just remember that the timeout does not start until she is quiet for the three minutes, IF she gets up PICK HER UP AND PUT HER BACK. DO not give up and within 2-3 weeks you won't believe she is the same 3 year old. I've used this for years now. Just remember, You say 1 Nothing else, 2 and nothing else, then 1,2,3 magic. Not 1, I mean it, you better pick up those toys...2 I'm not kidding , I really mean it.... THAT is the biggest mistake when people use the 1,2,3 method. ALSO never ever tell your child you are going to do some punishment unless you are willing to go through with it. Example: If you don't behave you are not getting any XMas presents this year!!!! or We are all going to Disneyland next week and if you don't listen you can stay home!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH, I think you see what I am saying. Use appropriate punishments that you can actually follow through with... like NO T.V. for 1 hour ( no favorite cartoon) No ice cream for dessert , I hope you really try this, it works , the first week will be hard but stick to it , it is worth it. When your 3 year old realizes that she doesn't get your attention when acting up, she will get your attention for being well behaved. (remember, when she is in time-out No talking to Her!) Also please remember to praise her every time she actually does obey you, and when time-out is over unless she wants or needs to talk about it just say well now get those toys picked up or whatever the situation was and see how it goes, remember praise for the good behavior not the bad. I wish I could see the results three weeks from now if you do this. Hang in there.

Answer 3

To some people's dismay, the Proverb is very true that if you spare the rod you spoil the child. My three year old is the same way, but just the threat of the spanking stick ( a yard stick with more bark than bite ) snaps him back in line. Also, whatever discipline methods used at school are probably not working because there isn't stronger discipline at home. Good luck, because I know a lot of people don't want to spank their kids. But good parenting involves a balance of love, respect and fear.

Answer 4

When my son was growing up I spanked him, on the butt..... I am sorry I know allot of people do not believe in spanking their children, my son is now older (22) he doesn't have any emotional problems because I spanked him, he is a very responsible young man. Being a single mother I had no choice, I did not want to see my son getting in trouble and not having a future so I nipped it long before he got into his teens. I certainly do not believe in parents beating their children and there is a difference between beating them and spanking them. But I think because of the lack of discipline, and all the threats that are bestowed upon parents for spanking their children, that kids today are way out of control.

Answer 5

It is time for the good old fashioned Spanking!! Today's Society is to nosy and always butt into others business. I grew up with a spanking and I have grown up respectful and I instill the same into my own children. 5 yrs old and as bold as your niece is she needs a good old tap on the tush to get her attention! If he doesn't nip it in the bud now he will have his hands full in the next couple of years when she gets into Middle and High School! Much more worse to handle then now!! I wish him the best!

Answer 6

since he has tried everything why dont you talk to her?
my sisters son was the exact same way, she tried everything and was at wits end! i got upset one day at the way he was doing, took him by the hand, looked at my sister and told her to not say a word,i took him into the other room sat him down and told him "if you dont stop this crap behave and learn how to be nice to your mommie your not going to have a mommie anymore cause i am going to take you to a bad place where little boys that cant mind have to sit by them self in a room all day with no toys or friends or mommies and they have to be all alone till they learn how to mind." he went straight to crying ran to his mom and ask her if i was telling the truth and she told him yes. after that she had very little problems out of him and that was over 2 years ago. some kids just need the shitt scared out of them for them to straighten up!

Answer 7

Might try meditation. The benefits been scientifically validated, and are reproducible - it's not just some fringe thing. Google "teach children meditation" for more info. I'll put a couple of links below.

Also, I'd suggest mix in a spankin' from time to time.

Answer 8

If the only time she is around other children at school, try to monitor her behavior by inviting friends over to the house. If she is mean, just tell her that that is unacceptable and that she will have to go to her room. At least it worked for me.

Answer 9

I've never been down that road, but I think he needs to be more firm with her. Do you really think sitting in the corner for 5 minutes is a good punishment for kicking someone in the back? I don't think so. Her punishment needs to be more than just "thinking about what you did.." because believe me, 3 yr. olds don't think about what they did. Spank her, take away toys for good, etc. No more whimpy time outs and talking to her.

Answer 10

i have a 3yr old little girl that is the same way,, the only thing has worked with her is to apply the board of education to the seat of learning,,, if you not familiar with that phrase it means to pop her little but with a belt, after about the third time of this they come to realize that this thing hurts and if i am bad it gets used on me. it has helped my little one a lot,, also this is going to sound bad,, but some one is spoiling her and that's were she is getting it from.