ok well I picked my maid of honor which is my best friend ive known her for a long time...the problem that im runnning into is for mine and my fiances engagment party she said she didnt hve any money to give us a gift which I didnt care but she didnt even give a card...now shes telling me to find out about the dress because she wnts to start putting money away for it now cause she has no money cause she doesnt get payed very much at her job...ive told her if she thinks being the maid of honor is going to be to expensive let me know and ill choose someone else and just hve her as a brides maid but she said no I can do it..but I need to let her know about things before everyone else cause she really has no money....my fiance thinks I shouldnt hve her do it but I dnt know what to do...she obviously wont give us a gift for our wedding or at the bridal shower......please help.....
2006-11-13 05:37:24 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The proper etiquette would be for her to decline the honor if she feels she cannot reasonably meet the requirements (finance, time, etc).
It would be kind, but by no means required, of you, to select a dress and accessories that fall within her budget, or to gift something (the necklace/shoes/etc) to her.
She can start saving for her dress without knowing the exact cost, but perhaps you could give her a general range (say, $50-100, or $150-200, etc).
Have a heart-to-heart talk with her... let her know how much you love her and how much it means to you that she be there; but also, because she means so much to you, you don't want to cause her stress/grief by making her bear this burden when it may be near-impossible for her to do so financially. Jokingly assure her that you don't need a gift from her at all, a heartfelt card would be all the gift you need. (that will hint her without making her feel bad).
2006-11-13 05:56:12 · answer #1 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you should keep her as maid of honor. I know it's your big day, but she still has to pay her own bills. I'm sure you have been and will continue to save and make adjustments to pay for all the bills you will incur from the wedding. As for no gift for the engagement party, let's think about it...you'll have a bridal shower (gift) and wedding (gift)...you'll be set. It's been my experience that the couple has an engagement party to celebrate the upcoming nuptials...not to solicit and expect gifts. I know you won't choose this as a best answer b/c it's not the answer you're looking for, but good luck and keep the friend around.
2006-11-13 06:32:25 · answer #2 · answered by lil_miss_education 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't think the gift giving (or lack of) should be an issue. No one should give something that they don't have or can not afford to give.
I guess you could think about whether or not you should have her as a bridesmaid at all. Because no matter how much you try to make things as inexpensive as possible, there is a cost involved. And if she is not able to pay for the dress and you can not pay for it for her, then there is a problem. And that is unfortunate.
Some time back I was asked to be in a wedding. I was in the midst of buying a new home, selling my current home. Things didn't go as planned and I ended up with 2 mortgages and it was VERY tight trying to pay for the dress and the bachelorette and shower, etc. It was so hard. It seems like your friend is being very forthcoming with you and telling you how she stands financially so you don't come to expect her to pay for things she can't afford to pay for. I think that's quite nice and responsible of her.
But please... don't consider her role to be that of a gift-giver or support you financially in the wedding. The entire wedding party puts on the bridal shower. The entire wedding party helps with the bachelorette party. But if they can't afford those things, then you should not expect them.
The role of a maid of honor is to support you emotionally and to give her time to you to help with the planning. It's not about money. But if she is concerned about the financial aspect then you need to talk to her about it.
2006-11-13 05:44:06 · answer #3 · answered by PT&L 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You would really demote her because she can't afford to get you a gift? That is wrong. First of all, being a bridesmaid will not make it cheaper for her, she will still have to save for her dress, you will still have to tell her stuff in advance, and she still won't be able to get you a gift.
The person you choose for your maid of honor should be the person you are closest to. the person you can trust to support you - not the person who is most likely to give you a nice expensive gift.
Weddings aren't cheap for anyone - including the bridal party. keep that in mind, and let all of your wedding party have some forwarning so they know what they will be spending.
2006-11-13 13:53:18 · answer #4 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The maid of honor is supposed to be your "Helper" throughout your entire engagment and wedding day process. You need someone reliable, someone you know will be there. Sounds like she has been there for you....but if she is scrounging for $$$ maybe you should talk to her and tell her your and your fiances feelings about the whole thing. If not getting money, gifts, cards, etc. is bothering you then thats a problem you will have to deal with on your own terms, but sounds to me like she is trying to be there for you....just be patient with her and give her time if you really want her to share this day with you!
2006-11-13 05:47:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is being really upfront and honest by telling you early that she is light on cash. It sounds like she is trying to be responsible and begin saving for the dress now.
She is your best friend. Your best friend. Don't let money be the reason she isn't your maid of honor. You will regret this decision if you demote her (and how embarrassing for her). She's trying her best. Let her know she needs to have about $200 saved for dress and shoes. You probably want to try and work within a budget to help her out. My bridesmaids were strapped too, but we did our best and they each spent about $200 total.
If you are really considering cutting her because she won't give you a wedding present, then I would start worrying about being labeled a bridezilla. Plus, ettiquette says she has a year to give you a gift.
And lastly, think about how embarrassing this is for her. Admitting she's broke and going to parties gift-less must be awful.
Stop being the bride and start being her best friend.
2006-11-13 05:46:31 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Susie 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ok did you pick her cause you love her or cause she has money? If you guys are such good friends why didn't you know she had money issue? I know your the Bride and your always sapposed to be right, but I think you should just give her a heads up of how much its going to cost. You should never Expect a gift at any of the wedding stuff ie... shower, wedding, engagment. Thats alot of money for people to spend.
2006-11-13 05:44:32 · answer #7 · answered by cc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're concerned with the wrong issues. Try not to resent her for not being able to afford a gift. In fact, maybe she will get you a little something. If you don't want to feel rushed choosing the dress, ask her what she can save total between now and the time you plan on choosing it. Then YOU cover the difference on it if you choose something more expensive. That's the classy, thoughtful, fair way to handle it.
2006-11-13 10:10:05 · answer #8 · answered by chelleedub 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK---I'm not sure if you are aware or not but, getting married isn't about getting gifts. It is about making a commitment to your one true love. And sharing your day with the people who you love and love you. BIG HAIRY DEAL if she has no money. What you are saying is that if she can't afford to give you a gift then she shouldn't be in your wedding. Shame on you. She's your best friend--be glad that she is part of your life regardless of her income. At least she has common sense to start saving money now and not waiting until last minute and deciding she can't afford it. Cut her some slack and regroup your attitude.
2006-11-13 06:24:07 · answer #9 · answered by bunya00 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is perfectly reasonable to let her know how much things are going to cost well ahead of time. In fact, this is a courtesy you should extend to ALL of your bridal party. People need time to save for things; you can't just expect them to write a $200 (or more) check at the drop of a hat.
And remember that wedding gifts are ALWAYS optional. No one is required to bring you a gift for your wedding, and that includes the bridal party. Be thankful for the ones you get, but don't think poorly of the people who don't give you one.
2006-11-13 06:23:48 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋