He is an honor roll student, he excels at sports, he gets notes home that he is helpful and considerate of others. The thing is that when he is home he is short tempered, yells, hits and is selfish and disrespectful. He says hateful things to hurt others feelings, and tells us all the time that his Nana and Papa take better care of him than we do. We have given him more than any child needs materially and I am sure that this has added to the problem, however the things that he has have been rewards for things like his grades or birthday and Christmas gifts. We give give him love, support and encouragement. We are in no way selfish and try to teach all our kids how important it is to be a servant to others, and to be an example. We are simply dumfounded at how he has become this kid we do not recognize anymore.
2006-11-13 05:23:22 · 7 answers · asked by me33 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
We have tried the spanking....and he has came home to a room that is empty....the Grandparents let him call all the shots when he is with them. They are less than a mile away and are a big part of our lives...he makes all the decisions when he is with them and basically tells them what he wants and thats what they do. If he wants to go to the mall...they go to the mall...if he wants to go to a certain place to eat thats where they go...its all about him when he is there.....so when he is home...he thinks that our world and decisions that we make for the family also should revolve around him....
2006-11-13 06:04:30 · update #1
You are not alone. Teens are a pain. That said you need to take action now. Talk to the grandparents. I don't mean have a chat where you suggest some things, I mean LAY DOWN THE LAW. You are the parent. You tell them what he is allowed to do when he is at their house. If they can't handle that then he should not go there without you.
Next let him know you will not put up with disrespect, regardless of his acheivements otherwise. Seriously, go to family counseling, even if it's just at your local church or wherever. Find out why he feels so hostile towards you. He's probably hiding something and resents that he can't fond a way to tell you. It may be something small to you or me but a big deal to him.
Best of luck to you. Hang in there.
2006-11-13 07:21:08 · answer #1 · answered by JJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the book HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN AND LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALK by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Kids can get mouthy at that age, and you need to be firm but thick-skinned. It can be difficult to get the right balance. You might also ask Nana and Papa what they do, to see if it's any different, get some tips. Or he may just be saying it to razz you.
There's not enough info for real advice but that's what I'd start with. Be united, that's important. My 13 year old girl is the same way--my mother calls it "street angel, house devil"--but in our case the problem is I am divorced from her father and he dislikes me strongly, so will never support me to her (i.e. he would never say something like "you need to speak respectfully to your mother!" which is something I would say, no matter how much I disagreed with him, unless he was a criminal or drug addict or something.
A strong father insisting on respectful behavior is helpful at this age, particularly for a boy. Mom can then later say "what's the problem, honey, tell me about it?" It's a little like good cop/bad cop, but it can work very well.
Good luck!
2006-11-13 05:38:50 · answer #2 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time with your son at the moment. I have a 10 year old little girl and she is just the sweetest. Most people envy the relationship that we have but I will tell you my secret. I am MOMMY and BEST FRIEND. I don't have a problem with talking to her about serious matters or pulling out the old Monopoly board game a play with her for hours. I tell her that I love her every day even moments after reprimanding her. You see children despise authority and embraces it all at the same time. Stop trying to buy his love with over showering him with the things you think he wants. Sit down and learn about the things that he truly enjoys and NEVER reward bad conduct. He will respect you greatly for that. Good luck.
2006-11-13 06:07:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have a nice sit down with your parents / in-laws...whatever the case may be. Also, I would tell that son of mine that if he wants to play at Nana and Papas house, then his attitude will change. He is more than old enough to stay home alone (if this is the case) and tell him that spending time with them is now going to be considered a privilege!
2006-11-13 06:18:52 · answer #4 · answered by Mom to Foster Children 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he is just a typical unappreciative teenager. Let him come home from school to an empty bedroom with just a bed in it. He will learn what appreciation is then. Good Luck.
2006-11-13 05:27:58 · answer #5 · answered by mary3127 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him to Outward Bound this summer. It is a tough camp that teaches self respect and respect for others. A year at military school would do a world of good, too.
2006-11-13 05:27:37 · answer #6 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
SPANK HIS BUTT! It ain't gonna kill him. I get spanked I ain't dead! It's okay as long as you don't get out of control! He'll thank you for it in the long run!
2006-11-13 05:39:21 · answer #7 · answered by shorti241 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋