Co-Sleeping?

Question

I am a single mother with a four year old pre-school son. He has been sleeping in his room alone in his own bed for almost 2 years now. He has always liked to sleep with me in my bed, or me in his, or to at least fall asleep with me but I put my foot down and made him sleep in his own bed. Lately however that has all changed and some nights I end up sleeping with him in his bed. In fact I have used it as an incentive to behave in school (he's been having lots of trouble in school) I tell him if he behaves and doesn't get a note home he can sleep with mommy and if not he'll have to sleep alone. This has helped tremendoulously - it has worked better than offering rewards (like a toy at the end of the week) or taking things away (like t.v., etc.). Is there anything wrong w/ co-sleeping at this age? I work 40 hours a week and go to school at night three days a week, I'm afraid that maybe he is missing out on speding time w/ me and this is his way of replacing it? HELP! Thanks.

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping!
I wasn't going to answer your question because I read 'momma2mingbu' response and I thought it was spot on! But I had to after reading so many people telling you it's a "mistake".

I honestly believe that every loving mom is the best mom for her child and KNOWS what is best for them. You are BUSY!! You're doing great with your boy.
Regardless of that, there is really NOTHING wrong with co-sleeping, it's natural and normal. If you are ok with it and so is he, then do it!!
However, I do agree with others in that you should try to find something else to reward him or motivate him in school.
Good luck!!

Answer 2

First, the risk of suffocating a 4 year old while sharing a bed is zero. Second, you will have to break him of the two habits, it seems; sleeping with mom and tying his behavior to that perk. I would work backwards and eliminate the link between co-sleeping and school behavior. Do it cold turkey--"son, starting tomorrow, I want you to continue to be a good boy in school, but it won't mean that you can sleep in my bed." Come up with some other reward, let him tell you what means the most to him.

Seems to me that you get a lot out of sleeping with him too, that you are spending missed time with him. If that works for you now, great but some time soon you'll have to separate and sleep in your own beds. Let's not be hesitant here, sleeping with toddlers can be very soothing and comfortable for parents too; I love sleeping with my 4/12 yo son and will miss it when he moves into his almost finished room. At some point soon though you need to wean yourself as well as your son; find a good date sometime in the future, his 5th birthday or the New Year or something, and talk him through to that point as the day that he no longer sleeps with mom.

Good luck

Answer 3

I must say that I agree with the first answer given...you need to be sure you aren't sending the message that he is only worth the love and attention if he is good. That said, I also don't think co-sleeping is a good idea either. He is obviously craving your attention so I would recommend that you do something together EVERY night, such as: playing go-fish, reading books, watching a movie, you name it. That should be completely unrelated to his behavior at school. Then as a reward for good behavior at school you can tell him this: If you have a good week at school I have a surprise for you! Make the surprise a fun activity that you two do together, a trip to the park, zoo, children's museum, ice cream, movie, dinner...there's a whole world of opportunities. Smother him with hugs and kisses every chance you get :)

Answer 4

I am a mother of two, work at least 40 hours a week and with my husbands hours, well I feel like a single mother sometimes. I agree with the postings saying that you DO NOT want to confuse co-sleeping with school behavior. Develope a bedtime routine. We brush teeth, include reading or something that won't get him too riled up, and say our prayers. Also, this has always worked with my son...I tell him to get ready for bed or ten/five/whatever minutes til bedtime. This prepares him instead of all of the sudden - it's time for bed and off you go.

Answer 5

I often went to sleep in my mother's bed when I was young. Usually it was because I'd had a nightmare, though. Of course, sometimes I just became afraid of being "alone" at night, and would pretend to have had a nightmare in order to sleep in my mother's bed. Once there, though, I always slept beautifully, as I felt safe and secure. Or, I figured, at least the monster would eat her first. :D

In any case, I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea for a while, but it should probably peter off in the next couple of years.

Answer 6

every once in a while is fine but not all the time. Instead of saying "if you do good in school you can sleep with me" say "if you do good in school we can go to the park together" or something like that so that you can both have fun together. This habit is very hard to break. and if he still wants to sleep in your bed or you sleep in his get him a new bed set with his favorite superhero on it. or just anything that will make him want to sleep by himself.

Answer 7

He's not missing out on anything.... You have to work and he understands that... My personal opinion: Co-sleeping is not good.. I wouldn't be able to convince my 4 yr old son to sleep with us.. He has to have his own space, and I like it that way!! The fact that you're even asking this question makes me think that you already know the answer.... Just do what you feel is best.. Good luck

Answer 8

I don't recommend co-sleeping. Eventually he's going to have to sleep in his own bed by himself and the longer he sleeps with you (or you with him in his bed) the harder it's going to be when the time comes for him to sleep alone. And not to mention it's dangerous. Last week a little girl in my city died because her mom suffocated her accidentally because she was in her bed.

As for the reward for better behavior in preschool, I think there are better rewards with less consequences than him sleeping with you.

Maybe going out for ice-cream at the end of the week or maybe renting a movie. Try making it fun for him. Tell him "If you can be good at school every day this week, then on Saturday I'll have a suprise for you!" That way, not only will he have a reward to look forward to, but it'll be even more fun because it'll be a suprise.

Answer 9

I don't think there's anything wrong with it once in a while,or nap time!But,every night,I don't think is a good idea!I see my niece whom is 5 and still sleep in the room with her parents!

Answer 10

I think sleeping with him is a very bad habbit. You can't make up time lost with him by sleeping in his bed. You both sleep. I think you are the one who thinks this is the way to replace his time missed out with you. - it's more you than him. He should be rewarded for sleeping on his own and for doing good in school... and that should NOT be a reward of sleeping with you. Trust me on this, my younger brother is 11 yrs old, and stilllllllllll wants to sleep in my Mom's bed. You will NOT be able to break your son from this if you keep this up. I think it's very unhealthy.