Why do I keep gravitating towards them? Lately, all the guys I've been interested in have been reserved to the point of unfriendliness. Sometimes they make the effort to talk to me and hang out with me, and at other times, they ignore me or act indifferent. I get the impression that they don't care if they talk to me or not. I feel that I'm the one who does more of the legwork when it comes to maintaining the relationship (s). I can't tell if they are interested or not, because sometimes they respond well to me, and sometimes they don't. Their wishy washy behavior is confusing to me.
In the past, whenever I dated guys who wanted to spend lots of time with me and showered me with gifts/attention, I automatically started backing off. Why am I drawn to people who don't seem that interested in me and get turned off by those who are? How can I change this pattern and find a guy who will show me that he wants to be with me?
2006-11-13 05:16:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Welcome to the confusing world that is your human nature's interest in the male sex. Some women would absolutely LOVE to be showered with gifts (as you have aforesaid) but they realize that that is not the way to go because, even though you're getting stuff, LOTS of stuff, you can't help but remain attached to those who are very shy of you. They're not ignoring you on purpose because some guys are actually afraid of very beautiful women for unknown reasons.
2006-11-13 05:20:25 · answer #1 · answered by Cold Fart 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've got a problem... You want to fix a guy...
The guys that want to shower you with affection. You don't want or respect. The guy that treats you like nothing is the one that you want the most.
You are associating what you "can't" get with an importance of being something that you need to get. Instead of looking for someone you can't live without. Look for someone you can live with.
He wants to shower you with affection or gifts. Fine. Enjoy. Indifference is not love. It doesn't necessarily mean it is worth going after either.
Take some time, stand back away from the guys and decide what you want in a guy. Think about it. Then seek him out. A pleasing personality? A man with boyish good looks?
Just remember that he may be trying to communicate with you on a level you're not used to. That doesn't mean it's wrong. It means you may not be receiving his communication of love because you're expecting a different form of communication.
He gives you gifts... You think he wants sex... He treats you with contempt... You think he's mysterious and alluring... Fact is, he sees you as an object, not a human... So the more you try to attract him, the more he's not accepting.
Remember, find a guy you can live with, not without.
2006-11-13 05:26:22 · answer #2 · answered by James B 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
this is how I am too. I think that sometimes, that's just the natural order of things--if a guy seems too available, you immediately lose interest. however, if a guy seems indifferent or uninterested, it makes you want him more. we want what we can't have, because it's the thrill of the chase. you need to change your behavior towards guys if you want to find a guy who wants to be with you--instead of going out of your way to make things work, perhaps you should act indifferent. if he's really interested, he'll wonder why you're not, and it will make him want you more. just don't seem so available all the time. it's really hard--trust me, I struggle at this as well--but my best friend does this and she has guys wrapped around her finger. she always has the upperhand in the relationship. always.
2006-11-13 05:21:47 · answer #3 · answered by bosox.girl23 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get some counselling. It seems like you might have had a parent in your life who was emotionally unavailable and you are going out to find someone like them and fix them. I'll save you the time and heartache, you can't change anyone else. The only person any of us can change is ourselves, and the only reason any of us change is because we decide to and then put in the time and effort, and then it's tough to change even a little. People pretty much are who they are. When you meet a guy, he will grow up over the next 10 or 20 years, but you are pretty much, what you see is what you get. You should learn to like the guys who are more emotionally available, or resign yourself to a lifetime of empty relationships.
2006-11-13 05:20:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wonder the same thing too about many women like yourself too. It seems to me you are afraid of a committed relationship with those type of guys you have dated already at that time which you may have felt it was too much pressure then and feel like it is not a challenging relationship or something along that line. Or perhaps may be you are attracted to the opposite attraction relationship thing. I really don't know. Maybe, you are looking at the wrong place for guys. It is funny I have the same problem too. I am attracted to women who I find attractive and they aren't attracted to me at all, but the ones I don't find attractive seems to find me attractive. It all too bizarre, can't seem to figure it out, I don't know why this is happening to me. I know what I want out of a relationship, but seems to be a tough one to find. I wonder, am I trying too hard to find one? Am I overlooking it, which was under my nose all this time? Why this dating and relationship thing has to be this complicated. I guess the best advice is don't set your standard of relationship too high, or have high expectations of a relationship and just take what you got of the best of all the relationship and go with the flow? Good Luck!
2006-11-13 05:41:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know that this isn't a good answer to help you but I can't resist the oppertunity to let you know that It's pretty hard on this end too. I'd make the guess that you're a pretty good woman and one of us guys recognizes that and tries to do things to show you we care (sometimes at great mental and physical expense) and then get pushed away, well, it doesn't do much good for our self-esteem or willingness to try and be a "good guy".
2006-11-13 05:36:28 · answer #6 · answered by CJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys are so caught up in self-doubt they cant act.
Act for them and start a conversation, just dont expect too much if he actually seems to be good for you. A guy and his self doubt can take some time to penetrate, hope for the sleeping Prince Charming.
2006-11-13 05:25:40 · answer #7 · answered by F1antasyMaN 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a proven fact but women are attracted to bad guys, looks like you like to play hard to get. but trust me when you really want to setttle down you'll stop playin' thats how i used to be, be mean to the guys that really liked me and give my all to the ones that only wanted me for my looks, but im so over that now just learn to appreciate someone
2006-11-13 05:24:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to change guys who appreciate you, you don't think you deserve, so you got to keep telling yourself that they really do care about you and stop going for the ones you no don't to make it easier for you,and you don't have to worry about getting hurt because you don't give all of yourself to those guys because you no deep down that they don't care about you..
2006-11-13 05:25:41 · answer #9 · answered by troble # one? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you r talking about the old me, then I took down my protective wall, did some soul searching about who and what I wanted in life.Think about you 1st and not the guy, then they will get curious and want to start to get to know you better.
2006-11-13 05:20:26 · answer #10 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋