We have been dating for over a year and a half, and usually get along very well. The last two months have been a bit rocky but we seem to be working things out.
Today I volunteered to make Thanksgiving dinner for him and his son, and he told me he had already made plans without me. In the past we have spent the holidays together, so I was very shocked by this information. When I asked I was going to be included, he responded with, " you can go with if you want."
I feel very bad that I was not included, and I feel very unwelcome by the way he did invite me.
I thought we had something special and I was an important part of his life. I've always treated him with love and respect. I don't know if I should go with, break up with him or what. Need some advise please. Thanks
2006-11-13 04:14:14 · 31 answers · asked by sunshineasd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like you are losing him. Have a calm talk with him and express how you feel. Ask him what is on his mind and where he sees your relationship going.
Frankly, most people have trouble with communication and that can destroy an otherwise good relationship. Find a way to communicate and make sure you listen to him too.
Sue
2006-11-13 04:18:54 · answer #1 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When he made the plans were you together, apart, or fighting? If he is going to his family's house, have you met them already? If you were not together when you made the plans, he might of not told the person he would be bringing a third and if he is going to his family's house there may be some issues there, like he is embarrasted of them or he feels uncomfortable because he has not introduced you yet. I would be very uncomfortable with the responce "you can go if you want". I would call him up and say "I would like to spend Thanksgiving with you, however could you please ask (whom ever invited him) if it is ok if you bring a third, so I don't feel like an univited guest. Please let me know by Friday, so I can make other plans if it is not ok". This will give him a way out if he does not want you there and by saying you can make other plans doesn't make you seem to needey. If he tells you he can't do that or the person said no, I would move on with my life because he took the easy way out. My boyfriend would not attend a holiday where anyone (even his mother) said I couldn't be included.
2006-11-13 04:31:37 · answer #2 · answered by Mel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like things are really "working out" at the moment. And in his view things may still be rocky if he's treating you as such. Or he's a got a grudge of some sort and he wants to hurt you.
I would look at resolving the "rocky" issues before adding the pain you feel for being left out of holiday plans. If you can't get past the issues of the last two months, then perhaps you need to move on. Spend time with people who actually care about you.
2006-11-13 04:23:03 · answer #3 · answered by -J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your relationship is in danger, and you need to talk immediately. You say you've been dating together a year and a half -- that's a substantial amount of time. You also say that the last two months have been rocky, which says that there are unresolved issues in the relationship. You need to resolve these issues before they tear apart the relationship.
It sounds like something has shifted in your relationship, and he is the one who is shifting away. I'd re-evaluate the relationship and have that heart-to-heart with him. Listen carefully for what he says as well as what he doesn't say. Where is the mother of the child in all this? Has she re-established contact, and were you not made aware? Also, has he proposed marriage at all to you? Or are you just living together? I don't know the details of your relationship, but you do.
I would go ahead and make your own plans with your own family for Thanksgiving and possiby for Christmas too. Just remember, holidays are a weird, wonky time when all of people's issues are on display. So this may be you, or it may be him, or it may be both of you. But whatever you do, talk to him and resolve your issues before your issues dissolve your relationship.
Good luck, hope this helps. Cheers, K
2006-11-13 04:21:22 · answer #4 · answered by Kate 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh I would rather sit at home and have a frozen TV dinner than to go with him under those circumstances. That was really not nice of him at all, you know he never even considered your feelings at all. I mean is he giving you a ride or do you have find your own way there, too? LOL im sorry I would not go. And if possible go home for Christmas, make the plans and dont tell him.
2006-11-13 04:32:06 · answer #5 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask him why he made plans without including you from the start. Tell him how it made you feel and that you don´t know what it means . If he gives you a reasonable explanation or tells you that he is sorry for what he did, you should go with him . Just make sure you let him know that you will not accept this kind of treatment anymore no matter what the reason
2006-11-13 04:22:41 · answer #6 · answered by Eileen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said the past 2 months have been rocky, so perhaps he had made plans during that time and did not know if you would be in the picture at this holiday.it also sounds like this relationship still needs a lot of work, best get started
2006-11-13 04:21:40 · answer #7 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hm.. well, you're getting to the 1.5 yr mark..have you two talked about marriage?
Hate to tell you this but I think he is pulling away. I wouldn't go to Thanksgiving if that was how I was invited, either. It sounds like you two are dating, you want more committment, and he is pulling away. Because, I'm gathering from your tone, we all know if he proposed to you, you would accept. But he hasn't. He also has a child which I'm sure adds more dynamics to the situation than I want to think of. Don't cheat yourself... you should be dating a man that doesn't want to lose you! Is this man acting like someone who values and respects you? Don't lie to yourself. Unless you did something absolutely horrible to this man lately which you are not mentioning (I don't know exactly what you mean by 'rocky')... he doesn't sound like a very promising man and partner to me.
To make sure, you need to talk to him about exactly what you posted in the question. Communicate with him so he has the chance to vocalize his concerns, then make your decision.
2006-11-13 04:24:17 · answer #8 · answered by carlaerickson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty clear this guy no longer sees you as special enough to include in holiday events. He may even have made the other plans as an excuse to get out of doing anything with you. It stinks, I know, and you may want to rethink your future plans. Perhaps future plans of your own- without inviting him. If you see the need to make a holiday dinner for someone, try other family, or friends, or even someone nearby who has no family in your area with whom to celebrate.
2006-11-13 04:23:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and pretend it was a "mental cramp". Talk to him and try to make him understand what you feel. Perhaps he didn't mean to leave you out or maybe he has something big planned and he is trying to surprise you. You should still try to clarify things with him. Let him know that you want to be included and expect to be included. If he can't hang with that then you are better off just breaking up.
Good luck.
2006-11-13 04:20:08 · answer #10 · answered by crazy_monkey_jr010 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were left out of someones holiday plans, especially a significant other, I would move on and find someone who does want me to join them during the holidays of the year. I know its hard to break up with someone, but you are better than to be treated like that.
2006-11-13 04:18:01 · answer #11 · answered by designerista 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋