I don't want to be clingy to my ex boyfriend. Why am I still clingy to my ex?

Question

I broke up with my boyfriend 2 1/2 months ago. We were together for 4 years. I thought I was doing pretty well. I started a new hobby, made some new friends, got in touch with my old friends. But, I still find myself clinging to my ex. I don't need a loser like him in my life! He has a new girlfriend. He was mean to me and lied to me the last year of our relationship. I tell myself that I'm going to get rid of him for sure, but the next day I find myself calling him. And he calls me too. My friends seem to take forever to return my calls, but he's almost always available. I find myself checking my phone to see if he called. Sometimes I don't talk to him for days. Other times we talk 3 or 4 times in one day. I do miss the person he was the first 3 years of our relationship, but that's not who he really is. Maybe at first I wanted him back, but even if it's good at the beginning again, everything would go right back to the way it was. What's my problem?!

Answer 1

Sever all contact with your ex. It's the only way to go!

Whilst you are still in contact with him you cannot possibly hope to move on. Change your phone number if necessary and leave yourself a note on the telephone that lists the reasons why you shouldn't be with him (he was a liar, a cheat, etc etc) that way, when you are tempted to get in touch with him you might just think twice. And when you pick up the phone to ring him, ring a friend instead.

Always remember that you split up for a reason otherwise you would still be together.

He's always available because his life isn't all that great and he is using you to boost his self esteem - at the same time this is only undermining yours.

Of course you miss what he once was, but remind yourself constantly that the person he is now isn't the person you fell in love with - he died a year ago.

It's really hard to shut the door on a relationship, but this is exactly what you must do - permanently. Only then will you be open to everything else that life has to offer - which may include Mr Right.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I feel you, I in the same situation right now except my relationship was two years and it's only been two weeks since our violent brakeup and usually he calls but I don't think he will call this time, which is good. I think you still love him obviously, and that is normal. I try to occuppy my time as much as possible, hang out with girlfriends, I vent then I try not to talk about it anymore. I go see my wonderful newphews and I go out to the club or mall or where ever I can have fun. I finally committed myself to giving out my numbers for the first time. We have broken up alot before this and I've never tried to associate with other guys because I didn't want to. Now I know I love this man more than he ever gave me credit for but I'm OK, and talking to other people I think is helping. I do look at my phone and things but I even changed my phone number, I know I will never call him and truely like you said he too is not good for me. He's the controlling dominating insecure type. It drove me crazy but for some reason I am still in love with him. I getting better and its only been two weeks. So it will pass I promise, you now I can see it right now but it will pass. I know I've felt worse once before. IT WILL PASS!!!

Answer 3

I don't need a loser like him in my life! This is what you say dump him and move on there are lots of nice people waiting to be discovered you further write "He has a new girlfriend. He was mean to me and lied to me the last year of our relationship." I see nothing in this man what Do you see??

Answer 4

You are a clingy person and do not want to give up on the "first three years". You need to have some self control and go cold turkey with him.

Also you do not write of a new man so I assume your not getting any and could be gettiing horny for some.

Answer 5

You are nice he is not try to move on and find a nice man and make him and you happy,

the player is the hater for he destorys all around him and dies alone for at the end everyone hates him, hate the player for he is the game.

In other words don't think about a loser that lied to you love and huggs, dave W.

Answer 6

it is hard your so used to that person being there and when you get lonley you want that person there. ive been going through a similar thing and its hard and it hurts. at least you have realised that he had changed so you just gotta think of the nasty person he has changed into and thats not what you want and he's stringing you along and edging his bets between you and his new girlfriend. you dont mention kids so i take it theres none involved so get out there and enjoy yourself. start a fresh. good luck chick.x

Answer 7

It'll take a while to get over him and the constant companionship he offered (and still does via phone). Just give it time. I think what your experiencing is normal and in time the urge to call him will go away.

Answer 8

well, i belive deep inside you still love him , and love is not a light switch you can't turn it on and off, but like the old saying goes time heals all wounds, not saying it won't hurt cause it will but in time you will become stronger, and maybe yall have a friendship, and if hes talking to you like you say, watch it don't fall into that trap like i did, cause alot of men want there cake and eat it too,

Answer 9

You just haven't found another guy to take his place. Keep looking for a new guy to date. That's the only way to get over him.

Answer 10

Get detached - cut the a-cord!