My paternal grandmother passed away and I did not go to the funeral. My mother said I am a terrible person for not going. Well let me tell you why I did not go and you tell me if you agree with her. My dad passed away in 1991. Since then his side of the family has had little to do with my mother, my sister and I. They only call when someone has passed away. I moved two miles from one of his little sisters and she never called or came by. ( Yes, I called her and went over there twice ). There have been a few times over the years I have called them all and told them my number, address etc. with no communication from them. My mother's address and phone number have remained the same for these last 15 yrs since my dad passed. I feel like since they never cared for us why should I go pretend to care about them? My grandmother is dead she doesn't know if I was there or not. For those that believe in ghosts or whatever, I do not so please don't say she does know! Thanks! Sorry so long!
2006-11-13 03:51:08 · 33 answers · asked by Patty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I guess I should've mentioned my grandmother didn't call any of us either. I hadn't seen her in years. I do not think you have to go to someones funeral to grieve for them. I didn't respect her, None of them care for us. Even when my father was alive I can count on one hand how many times my grandparents came to our house.
2006-11-13 03:58:30 · update #1
No, it would'nt have opened up a relationship with them, there have been other deaths in the family and I attended their funerals with no change.
2006-11-13 04:01:44 · update #2
Brandi: I do not believe dead people can hear you talking to them. I am a christian and the bible says no communication between the living and the dead. Besides if that were the case, why would I have to talk to a dead body? If it were possible to talk to the dead, I could do it anywhere!
2006-11-13 04:06:39 · update #3
It sounds as if that side of the family isn't interested in "family values". They can't ignore the three of you for 15 years and then expect you to come to your grandmother's funeral. I think you made a statement and that's ok. Why continue the hypocrisy by attending the funeral. Life's too short to spend it with toxic people.
2006-11-13 03:58:41 · answer #1 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
A true christian believes in forgiveness. You dont attend funerals for the dead, but for the living. Obviously it was important to your mother. Thats one reason why you should have went. I think you could have been there for the people you do care about to help them grieve. You are a far cry from what I expect of a christian.
2006-11-13 05:21:04 · answer #2 · answered by chillin charlie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you made a decision and followed through with it... I went through a similar senario, my mother's mom and I were not close at all... (This was ever since I was a little girl and could remember)... She always showed favortisim to my brother and my cousin's and acted like she resented me... My aunts say that it is because, my dad left my mom while she was only 6mos pregnant with me... "But what in the hoo-haa does that have to do with me", so when she died- be it that I was a minor, I had to end up going to the funeral... There were alot of tears, but I did not offer any... (Had none to offer)... I didn't even feel sorry that she was gone... I had no emotions to my grandmother at all... Everyone was looking at me like I was crazy or something but why should I pretend or act as though I was close to this chick now that she is gone and didn't have one word to say to her or her to me when she was here.... Shoote: "Good Riddens"! ] But, I think that you did the right thing... It is not good to be phony... True I loved my granny, and I sure you may have, but only from a distance... So if you all were distant while she was on this earth, then why change it when she leaves... Stand firm and stand your ground... Do what you feel you need to do...
2006-11-13 03:59:23 · answer #3 · answered by Dani_n_keem 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should have went. WHY? - because you're family & that's what family does, they stick together. When did expecting something become more important than giving? Attending a funeral is an act of respect - for the person who has passed and for the family. You could have opened a door that would have put you back to communicating with your family again. Now, you will never know...
2006-11-13 03:55:46 · answer #4 · answered by T. 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I had an identical issue at present, when I misplaced my super-grandmother and replaced into asked to furnish her eulogy. i replaced into going to verify a poem, yet then desperate it would be much extra very own to proportion a number of my wide-unfold memories of her. talk approximately her little behavior, issues that make you smile once you bear in techniques her. Ask different participants of the kinfolk what their wide-unfold memory is and comprise that. i'm so very sorry on your loss, i be attentive to the variety you sense precise now. One little tip, once you're examining out your speech or poem, take it sluggish - it's going to be tempting to hurry via it yet do no longer. attempt and stay calm, take some deep breaths and bear in techniques how proud she would be of you. Wishing you all the very ultimate.
2016-12-10 08:19:14 · answer #5 · answered by girardot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. Showing up for appearances sake is wrong. You would have felt in your heart if you had needed that day to say goodbye. Funerals are for the living, a way of coping with their loss. If those relatives have never made the slightest effort for you, despite your own efforts, then you certainly don't owe them anything. You are NOT a terrible person, tell your mother you are an honest and realistic person who doesn't show up to funerals to impress people sheesh.
2006-11-13 03:55:45 · answer #6 · answered by alwayslarat 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Honestly, I don't think your a bad person at all. Funerals are for the living not the ones who passed away. You may or may not regret your decision, and that's something you have to live with. I have had the same experiences of my own with similar family issues and know how you feel.
2006-11-13 04:00:27 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm with you. I hate people's hypocrisy when it comes to funerals. People who hated the person when they were alive going to 'pay their respects'. It's just ghoulish. I respect you.
I didn't go to my grandmother's funeral. It was very different reasons though. We were very close and she always talked about a park she went to when she was young, so I went there instead and i know it would have been what she wanted.
I'm totally with you. If you didn't like the person in life, don't be a two-faced hypocrite when they die.
2006-11-13 04:02:19 · answer #8 · answered by Katya-Zelen 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd say you made your own choice based on your history and feelings. Don't let your mom lay a guilt trip on you. You are an adult and capable of making your own decisions. If contact with your father's side of the family hasn't been reciprocal since his passing, and you were'nt close with your grandmother.....then it's really up to you. Just tell your mom, and anyone else who gives you a hard time that you chose to say your goodbyes to your grandmother in your own way. Best of luck, stick to your guns!
2006-11-13 03:59:37 · answer #9 · answered by Jeniphish 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The fact that they showed so much ignorance toward you yes that is wrong. However, if you had a close relationship with your grandmother, regardless of what others said, you should have gone to her funeral, now you would only go to her funeral for your grand mother no one else, just to show your love for her. But if you and your grand mother weren't close, maybe it is not a bad thing to not go, maybe you just don't feel the connection.
2006-11-13 03:55:48 · answer #10 · answered by nedjine05 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋