Help Family Holiday question????

Question

I don't know if anyone cn relate but Holidays lately have been a bummer to even think about. I recenly got married and I have a mother in law who seems to make things extra difficult. In my family seeing each other for each holiday is really important. My mother in law believes that we should be trading off holidays. She wants us to do Thanksgiving this year with her and next year t my moms. I am really agianst this idea. She thinks my idea is unheard of and nobody does that. I said my family always has and it is important to me. I told her she can do lunch and my mom can do dinner or vis versa. She still didn't like that but there is not much we can do about it. Do you think I am wrong

Answer 1

You are not wrong, however you are in a very common situation. Parents fight over their married kids all of the time. You have to be straight with everyone and say HEY we are a new couple, which means we are starting our own new family. Life is full of changes and most changes are good if you welcome them as blessings. Tell her, We want to see everyone every year, and if that means a meal at each home on special days........well hey you're the one doing the driving all over the place so tell them this is your choice. Or suggest that once in a while, both sides of the family pile over to your place. If you let her badger you, she will never stop and it will get worse. Stand up, tell you you love her but you all need to have some boundaries otherwise holidays will never be enjoyable. As far as her saying your idea is unheard of.......well I guess she doesn't talk to many people because families do all kinds of things for all kinds of situations. When Mom's like that are so concerned about getting their way that they put aside the happiness of their kids, they really have some self confidence issues and really need to choose to be happy in life or they'll be very very lonely one day. I wish you good luck.

Answer 2

Compromise, my dear. Remember, you're not the single woman you once were. And with that being sad, you must keep in mind that you have an extension of yourself, which is your Husband and your new Family. I understand that this time of year brings alot of frustration and stress for married couples especially when they are trying to keep both sides satisfied. Compromise and consideration are the key answers to this equation and both sides new to realize this. Perhaps you might want to consider eating dinner with your folks and eating dessert on his side, if the 2 houses are within a reasonable amount of distance or you might want to consider your Mother-in-Laws idea of trading off the Holidays as long as you and your spouse agrees. But, please do not fight or argue over these mishaps for this is the season of thanks, family, warmth and love. Happy Holidays!!!

Answer 3

So does your mother in law mean you need to spend the entire holiday together with her? (if that year is mother in law's year?) If your mom and your mother in law's place aren't too far away from each other, I think your idea is actually better. You get to see both side of families...Try to convince her that seeing your own family is as important as seeing your husband's family....

Answer 4

My family is the same way. It's a huge ordeal on holidays to be together. My fiance and I have a daughter together so it's now even harder cuz both of our familys want us to be there. So I said well his family can have all of Thanksgiving and my family can have all of Christmas. Just suggest something like that. Good Luck. I know how families can be once you start a family for yourself.

Answer 5

Absolutly not!! I'm in a very similar situation and I do what you do. My boyfriend agrees, half and half. We do every holiday like that. And if they don't like it then oh well. The only time I see my family is on the holiday's because they live out of town. I think it's fair and right. If your mother in law can't accept that, then I don't know she's just being selfish. Good luck!!!

Answer 6

When you get married, you really need to conform a bit to please the in-laws. I would just try to move far far away from that woman lol that way you can skip seeing her altogether lol. I would do both dinners when I was with someone. Go eat at both places,, just go ealier to one and then u show up a little late for the other if thats the case and both want to be the hose on the same day. There is nothing that says you have to spen the entire time with one family.

Answer 7

Ultimately you and your husband (yes, he has a vote), needs to decide for yourself...I see wisdom in what she is suggesting, so the holiday is a quality day with the family you are with...not being in such a mad rush. It has just been difficult through the years, with my husband's 2 children, to always feeling we had to rush through dinner, rush through gift giving because they always had another destination. That is how we did it with my parents and in-laws....we switched Thanksgiving everyother year...then one year we would go to my mom's on Christmas Eve and his parents on Christmas day...then vice versus the next year...It just seemed like it was better for us, not having to be in a rush...and better for who's home we were visiting...not having to have the day revolve around our time agenda...I hope you can come up with a happy solution for everyone...the real question is...Do you want to...or maybe you just want what you want...It is our human nature...

Answer 8

Hey I really do not think that you are wrong but how about you just give her idea a try and see how it works and if you are not very comfortable with it than you should go to the one place that your used to home with your mommy or at your home stick in there it is hard trying new things but it might turn out good you will never know if you do not give it a try.

Answer 9

You don't have to let your mother-in-law dictate how you will spend your holidays. Since you are newly married, it's important to establish some boundaries with your in-laws, or they will continue to be demanding and manipulative. It's also important for you and your husband to begin setting your own traditions for the holidays, which can include both families, but will be respectful of your own desires.

Answer 10

yes ,you should split the holidays.I have been married for 24 years and in the beginnings i was more concerned with my family traditions than my husbands family tradition.It caused alot of troubles.If you feel you cant go the holiday with out seeing you're family then g see them in the morning and his in the evening.But eventually learn to split them up one gets thanksgiving and the other gets Christmas and then reverse it next year i found that works the best.You need to make his family know they are important to you as is your family.Talk to you're husband and see if you cant set up a schedule and go from there don't cause a war over something that isn't worth it trust me I've been there and don't want to go back