My boyfriend and I have been together for 13 years, and we live together. I discovered his online postings yesterday afternoon while trying to type in a URL for another website (a singles website appeared on the location bar, that's how I found out). I had planned to go with him on his business trip to Vegas this weekend, but all of a sudden I "couldn't", and now I know why. My boyfriend picked up the woman he's seeing, and they went up together. I feel like a complete moron, not to mention my heart is beyond broken. Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. We've been working on the growing pains in our relationship, and right up until yesterday, I had been so happy with the way things were going. Now, I'm just shattered. Thanks.
2006-11-13 03:28:10 · 19 answers · asked by misswrite1 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sorry…ignore the "?" at the end of my question. It's not really a question; I know he's cheating. I just need some good solid advice. Thanks!
2006-11-13 03:29:33 · update #1
Thanks, everyone. You've given me some very good advice, and now I don't feel so alone. The most confusing thing is that we spent a very romantic Saturday together, and I found out the next day.
I don't really want to stay here with all my memories, but I must as it's financially sensible. So he'll have to go. But I'll quickly elaborate on how I know he's cheating for sure: he asked all of his "friends" on the site how he should persuade this woman to go with him, and then he listed all the reasons he gave her for why she should go. So that's really all I have to go on, plus the bottle of wine I saw him put in his trunk when I was helping him pack for his trip (his dad lives in Vegas, so he said it was for him). I'm pretty nauseous right now, but I'll try to be strong, as life is too short to be wasting it with this.
2006-11-13 06:21:51 · update #2
As a woman, you've got to be strong. Men are such complete assholes these days. Not all of them, but alot of them. It's tough to be cheated on when someone claims you are their heart and they love you. I've been cheated on and thought i was pregnant by the bastard at the same time. It's tough, but stand your ground. You've got to let him know that you know. Tell him you don't deserve someone who isn't going to be faithful. You are worth more than that. Don't let him make you feel worthless. You are somebody, and if he doesn't want to be with only you, he's not worth your time. He doesn't deserve to be with a good woman if he can't just be with her. Your not a moron, you just trusted in him that he wasn't like that. I think you should talk it over with him, and if he lies call him on it. Tell him you already know, and there is no point in trying to lie. I feel like any guy who cheats isn't worth being with. Whether he loves you or not, you should be enough for him. It's not fair for you to be devoted to him, and him not do the same. Be strong love, hold your head up high you haven't done anything wrong. You don't need him if he can't be true to you. Remember you are worth more than that.....
2006-11-13 03:39:46 · answer #1 · answered by wickedkitty_21 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you ready for some hard-hitting, honest advice? Here it comes:
For 13 years you have been with someone, but never married. Why? Why no lifetime commitment? Was it your choice or his?
People think living together is ok. Paper doesn't mean anything, right? It's not about the piece of paper. It's about the commitment behind it.
Statistics show that people who are celibate until marriage are more likely to stay together and have a very low divorce rate.
People who engage in sex before marriage have a higher divorce rate.
People who live together before marriage have the highest divorce rate.
That flies in the face of people who theorize that you will do better in marriage if you live together and get to know each other first. They are WRONG!
It is no surprise that someone who made no formal commitment to you would cheat on you.
This is probably not the first time he has cheated on you. It's just the first time he got caught. Cheaters tend to give repeat performances, so if you don't want someone who cheats on you, you should leave him. Tough decision, but it's about what you really want. Is being with him worth dealing with his cheating? If it is, fine. If it's not.... dump him. Depending on what state you are in, you might be considered married by common-law and entitle to the same as a married woman getting a divorce.
Before you tell him anything, or confronting him.... if you do plan to dump him..... see an attorney for legal advice.
You have been with this guy for 13 yrs. If you break it off, do not get into another relationship for awhile. Give yourself time to heal. Establish what you want in a relationship/man. Set clear boundaries and demands. When you do begin dating again, insist on what you want and if a guy doesn't measure up, send hiim packing. He's not "the one" for you. You deserve someone who will commit to you, love you, and be faithful to you! Accept nothing less.
Best Wishes,
Sue
2006-11-13 03:43:39 · answer #2 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. But now all you have to do is hold your head up high and get out of this relationship with dignity. Try packing his stuff and leaving them at the door so that as soon as he gets home he knows whats going on and gets out of your life for good cause you dont deserve this at all. Now there is this work shop called "every mans battle" that seem to work very well its a religious group that helps couples out and has work books. If he wants to work out things make him go to one of these. You also need a support group people who can help you over come this. My heart really goes out to you and I'll keep you in my prayers. Look for God and he will always give you the answers.
2006-11-13 03:38:31 · answer #3 · answered by M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live in Vegas and commonly enough I get people on my MYSPACE saying "Im coming to vegas can we hook up?" like Im a whore or something, however there are some and they dont mind doing the visitors. Im sorry for your delimma, however I hate to be stero-typical and say that "MEN are DOGs" and most women cheat. You can either accept his infadelity or NOT, do you think he does it all the time or perhaps he just needs something new. I hate to say this but just because hes screwing someone else doent mean he doesnt love you, perhaps you should spice up your sex life with him not saying that your boring, but face whats better that good Dick, beside NEW GOOD DICK? men feel the same way about P***Y, I would confront him tell him how hes made you feel because if you dont he will assume he has gotten away with it and think its ok to do it again. Stay strong if the relationship is worth fighting for then by all means fight for it if not then dont...find someone who loves, and respect you.
2006-11-13 03:38:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! What I would do is when he gets home take him up to the computer and show him that the singles website appears in the window bar (not speaking a word to him, just let him watch and learn). then click on the singles website and then walk away then go upstairs or to the bedroom get the already packed bag of his and throw it at his feet and say I'll give you 15 minutes to get out.
2006-11-13 03:34:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys seem to have a good, mature relationship. You ahve been together 13 years so you can't and shouldn't just give up on him. I don't think getting furious and going balistic on him is a good idea. I suggest talking to him when he gets back. Print out all the information that you found that proves he did cheat (that way he can't totally deny it) and sit down and as calmly as possible tell him what you know.
2006-11-13 03:34:35 · answer #6 · answered by bree_1384 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know which hotel he is staying at, I suggest you pay his cheatin a** a visit. You may want to take a companion though. That would be a nice surprise. Or you can do that one where the girl found out her man cheated, so she recorded herself going down on his best friend, and then she spit the *** into a bowl of cookie dough, then baked the cookies and sent them to her hubby. Payback is a bi*ch, but I am sorry for you!
2006-11-13 03:33:55 · answer #7 · answered by me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow that really sucks. sit him down and talk to him when he gets back. If he's not happy in the relationship and is looking elsewhere for happiness, the least he can do is be honest with you. Tell him exactly how you feel and how hurt you are. Hopefully you can work your problems out, but if you see this going nowhere then maybe it's time to call it quits! I know it's hard but good luck.
2006-11-13 03:33:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you ABSOLUTELY sure? because if you are not, they are just suspicions because of circumstantial evidence (seeing the URL for singles) then , give him the benefit of the doubt. When he comes home ask him yourself but not in accusatory manner but in the spirit of knowing the truth. State how you felt about it, but don't point a finger at him.
2006-11-13 03:34:09 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you know. See what he wants to do about it. Then you can either work on your relationship and forgive or you can leave. We cant answer this for you. The decision is best made by you! Its up to you what you can live with.
2006-11-13 03:34:12 · answer #10 · answered by mudd_grip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋