my bf stays with me and he told me he was going to give me some money on the bills.well a whole week went by and nothing. i know he has it in the bank too. he also has seen me struggling a little also. well as soon as i started acting like the relationship needs to be over thats when he says he will give me the money today. he knows i like to go ahead and pay on my bills. why was he holding off so long? and he didnt forget about it either cuz he said once he was going to give me the money. he said it with a little attitude also. he has done this before. its like he wants to see me whine and argue about it before he give it to me. he should help pay cause he stays here too. should i break up with him because i have had this conversation with him before. he is 43 and im 37 and he should know better.its too stressful asking someone over and over to pay their share when they already know they should.should i just go ahead and put him out. or get the money and then put him out.
2006-11-13 03:24:46 · 5 answers · asked by eaglestraces123 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
oh yeah i havent had sex with him in over a month so that might have something to do with it. but thats no excuse not to help pay these bills.
2006-11-13 03:26:04 · update #1
i guess in his eyes if i control the sex he will control the money and if that is true then that is very bad the way he thinks.
2006-11-13 03:27:02 · update #2
This is a toxic, dysfunctional relationship. I'm sorry but you'd both be better off without each other. This reminds me so much of my first husband, who was passive-aggressively hostile like this.
I don't know all the dynamics of your relationship, but there are power struggles going on. You withhold sex, so he withholds money. Both suffer. Both lose out. Both feel deprived, and rightly so. You are both cutting off your noses to spite your faces.
I'd say have a heart to heart with him and name the behavior. Tell him how it makes you feel, without blaming. Say something like, "When you don't give me money when I ask for it, I feel hurt because it seems like you don't want to help me. It makes me feel panicked that I'm not going to be able to pay my bills on time. Is this true? Is there anything that's bothering you?" Then watch his expressions, and listen to what he says and doesn't say.
There should be an apology forthcoming -- from both of you to each other. And then you should watch him to see that he keeps his promise to give you the money when he says he will. If he doesn't, then I would suspect passive-aggressive hostility, or some neurosis/insecurity about money. Either way, these are his problems, and they're getting in the way of your having a good relationship. I'd suggest that if, after the talk, he slips back into old behaviors that you re-evaluate.
Good luck. You need to talk to each other, clear the air, and stop withholding from each other, because this only creates resentment, anger and hostility.
Hope this helps. Cheers, K
2006-11-13 03:32:55 · answer #1 · answered by Kate 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to collect only what he owes for his share of the bills, then tell him it's not working out and ask him to leave and get his own place. He sounds like he's very hard to get along with and you don't need that kind of drama in your life. There's too many nice guys out there, for you to be stuck with this grump... Good Luck to you.....
2006-11-13 11:34:26 · answer #2 · answered by P-Nut 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know but Ive been told a green grasshopper has a red A@#:OL
2006-11-13 11:26:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
watch how he treats his mother/sister. I bet its the same patterns.
2006-11-13 11:26:18 · answer #4 · answered by SmartPerson 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is. He has the money (and the power); you don't (and you don't).
Exercise your power and break up with him
2006-11-13 11:27:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋