Something wrong with this picture? Do I need help?

Question

I am 24 years old and I think that my relationship with women is very very odd. Ever since I have know I have been attracted to women that have had problems in their life, both at School and when I was at University. I believe that I can help them in some way or another.

This all came to a head when I met a bipolar older woman at work recently and we had a relationship. She is divorced with 3 kids and sleeps around with other men a lot having unprotected sex. I have recently had to break this friendship up as I said to her that I wanted to be more than friends believing that I could help her in some way to get back on the straight and narrow and to get her back on her meds.

Is there something wrong with me in people's opinions. I find it really hard to concentrate on myself and I enjoy looking after other people. Sometimes I concentrate on other peoples problems so much I don't see mine, but I really cared for this woman at work she was very special to me.

Answer 1

Have you fallen for her? If not, I suggest you do not get involved in her matters too much. How sure are you when you say you can help in one way or another? Make the women fall in love with you when you don't like them in the first place?
I think the female friend of yours has lost faith in relationship maybe due to her ex-husband or that she prefers to stay single and carefree in her life? Whichever the case, how can you help her? If you fallen for her, just court her normally and prove yourself as the guy for her. If not don't get involved. She'll ask for help herself if she needs. Just assure her that you'll be there if she ever needs some advice.

Answer 2

Well I agree with you. Something isn't right. What is right with you is your level of self-awareness. By being aware that seeking out partners that need you, you are more than halfway there to making a change in your behaviours.
You may be either a "People Pleaser" or a "Co-Dependant" personality type. You may feel that the only way you can be accepted by others, is if you become needed by them. So you position yourself with people who have difficulty managing their own lives, & you try to step in & control their lives for them.
The result is, they resent your controlling ways, (rather than appreciate you) & you end up losing yourself because your focus has been on everybody except yourself.
This becomes obvious to you when you are outside of a relationship, & you suddenly find yourself free of your obsession, & feeling undeserving of self-care.
What you have done in the past, can be described as toxic behaviour. I tend to do this myself. (ie: Yahoo Answers). It's an escape. Worrying about others, means you can push your own issues asside, & feel justified in ignoring them.

The is a self-help book titled "Co-Dependant No Mre" by Melody Beatty. It may help you identify some of your behaviours, & give you a perspective for change.

Answer 3

The way you put it sounds a little crazy hon, but I know exactly what you are saying. I do the same thing. I love to help my friends with thier problems and so much that mine are not an issue compared to thiers in my eyes. But like I was told you need to pay attention to your issues and not thiers because the reason you do this is you are avoiding dealing your problems and that is not good. Take care of your self then you can better help others. K

Answer 4

No. There's nothing wrong with carring about others and trying to help. But you need to stop getting caught up in the trying to save them syndrome or being the man of her dreams deal. You can't change any one but yourself. Work on yourself first. Then you'll be better able to help others. Don't settle for jus any woman who comes along. Make sure she's what exactly what you want in a life long partner then go for it. Stop stretching yourself thin. Take some personal you and self improvement time. Put God in the middle of this and ask HIM for help and you can't go wrong.

Answer 5

there's nothing wrong with for trying to help out other people but when you feel like you have to get involved with them on a personal level then you're only bringing on unnecessary problems onto yourself. helping other people out is a good and noble act but if you don't take care of yourself first then how are you going to help someone else. concentrating on everyone but yourself is very damaging in the long run and isn't recommended. you can care for someone but you can't change someone who doesn't want to be changed. you need to take some time and figure out what it is that you want out of life and also what you want from a woman in a relationship and then try finding it. first deal with your wants and needs then deal with whatever comes your way cause otherwise it can burn you out. i'm speaking from personal experience. good luck and take care of yourself.

Answer 6

I know what you are talking about cuz I'm kinda like that also, first we have to accept that we can't always help people and it be wonderful but there are women out there that need and want a guy like us cuz i found one with many problems one is that her twin brothers are bipolar but its a great relationship remember it must be mutual cuz if she don't appreciate your help then she doesn't see you for who you are good luck

Answer 7

You are co-dependent. It is in the psych text books like any other psych problem. Many nurses are co-dependent. It is not a problem if you understand it and work with it. If you run around confused and have problems - then it is a problem.

Answer 8

Charity begins at home! Your intentions however good may not work in ciricumstances you have outlined.

Answer 9

in my opinion you also need help.

Answer 10

ooooooooooook