Not to sure how to feel, would you be upset?

Question

My mum and I are quite close but last night she said a couple of things that made me feel a bit, actually i don't know how I feel!
She told me that i was a great disappointment to her and my dad and she hoped I would have aspired to better things. When I asked what she meant she said that I would have had a better job (i'm a teacher) and that everything I do wasn't something she could be proud of. I'm 32 years old, disabled and she says I could have made more of my life. I could understand it if I still lived with them but I moved out when I was 17 years old...

Answer 1

I would be upset. As far as I can tell you have done very well for yourself. I would wait a while and then ask her what she meant. Perhaps she was in a bad mood or maybe you had unintentionally hurt her feelings. Moms are people too and sometimes they screw up.

Answer 2

I personally would be upset if my mum said that to me. She may not have meant it the way it came out, and if not she should have chosen her words more carefully. Take a look at yourself you are a teacher which I think is a very hard job these days, you have undertaken a lot of training to do this job and worked hard to get where you are. Maybe you could have been a top brain surgeon, maybe this would have made your mum more proud of you but I hope you are happy with what you have chosen to do in your life and you should be proud you have achieved so much, regardless of your disability.
Talk to your mum about this, maybe she has regretted things she didn't do in her life and thinks you can compensate her by achieving the things she did not. But this is your life, you are her daughter and she should be proud of you no matter what.

Answer 3

Well I do not want to get into any disagreements between you and your mum, but I would say to you well done you are doing well and I would be proud of you if you were my daughter. Teaching is not easy these days its very stressfull and to have moved out of the family house at 17, what more does she want. Carry on doing what you are doing your mum was just having a bad day.

Answer 4

That would depend on whether my Mother was always criticising me or whether it was a one off. (because of illness or the like)
If she were always having a "dig" then yes! it would hurt (yet again) if she were ill then I'd excuse it.
I've got 5 kids (youngest 16 yrs old, eldest 35 yrs old) & I'm very proud to just be their Mum. What they do with their lives is entirely up to them. I've brought them all up to be individuals. The lives they have is entirely their own business (although I wouldn't be happy if any of them turned out to be a mass murderer)
I don't have the right to tell my Children how to live their lives anymore than they have the right to tell me how to live mine.
As long as they're happy with their lives then I'm happy.
My Children have had issues with their Father not being proud of them, dispite their forever trying to please him. My answer has always been "if your parent is still saying they're not proud of you by the time you turn into an adult. (although I think it should be there from birth) Then; give up. It's not happening.
This is your life, Just live your life the way you wish to as long as you don't intentionally cause hurt to others & as long as you do stuff to make yourself proud of you.
You seem to be on the right path.

Answer 5

Yes. I would be upset!

My mum died last year, but she always supported us in everything we did, and I can't remember her ever criticising me. She was a very special, loving lady, and loved by everyone who knew her, and I know that I was incredibly lucky to have her for a Mother.

The one person you should always be able to rely on to stand in your corner is your Mum. You need to speak to your Mum, and tell her how upset you are. Maybe she didn't mean it the way it sounded, or she may not realise how upset you are. You have a career, and you have looked after yourself for the last 15 years. You are not a drop out on drugs! My heart goes out to you. I hope that you have some close friends who will support you in the way your Mother should.

Answer 6

Be proud of your achievements in life.Sometimes parents will say things that are not very kind or without thinking how it will impact on the child (regardless of their age).You sound like a successful young lady who knows what she wants in her life.Tell your mother that what she said was a disappointment to hear but that she is entitled to her opinion.Don't make the mistake of believing her words.She should say she is proud that you achieved so much since you left home at 17.Perhaps she is disappointed that she can't say she was supportive of you.

Answer 7

It seems to me you are a daughter to be proud of, so well done you:-)

It is possible your mother has some problems of her own, either deep seated ones that you can't know about from way back, or, she isn't as well as she once was and she says things that come out badly through the stress of it.

The first thng to do is call her up and ask her if she meant all the unkind things she said and ask, did she know how much she'd hurt your feelings. She may not remember, or have even thought what she said was cruel. She may apologise and realise she was out of order, or, she may reiterate them again. But you need to know how she is thinking right now, after the event. Even if it hurts again.

I have a friend who had the kindest and most caring parents, they were always there for her, then one day, in his seventies, her dad snapped at her for the first time ever, and she took it very badly... I had known him since I was age ten, then, some 46 years and to me, this was extremely out of character and my instinct told me something was not right.

I am a psychic medium and live through instinctively tuning into people... can't stop it... at 61, it's too late to try. I've learned that mostly when people are unkind, it's because they are afraid, hurting, angry, sad, or ill.

I suggested he may not be well, and asked her more about his life, and it occured to me, he may be suffering from dementia, or, Parkinsons.

In the event, it was the latter, he died within the year.

It was very hard on my friend and I was sympathetic, but I admit to being not a little irritated inwardly, by her anger towards him, which i couldn't stop picking up even before and after she spoke about him... and since my parents had never been there for me in all my life, and she had a super dad and mum, whom she'd lost patience with, because he was unwell, I felt life was somewhat unfair at the time. I was there for her and everything I said as a 'suggestion' on his moods, turned out to be true.

That was five years ago.

May I suggest you speak with another family member about this conversation, privately, your dad if he's alive... or a sibling, if you have one. If you don't have one, I suggest you find the closest relative to your mum, or the closest friend she has, and have a private one to one with them... and ask if they have noticed any changes in her manner of late.

They may also have been at the receiving end of unusual and out of character behaviour. If they have, then it's possible your mum is not herself and possibly unwell. You then need to chat with her GP.

If however, she is OK with all others, it's possible your mum was feeling envious of you, or even mulling over her own life and regretting things she never did herself.

Sadly, age can make some people resentful and not a little bitter, not all elderly people are wiser... wisdom comes at all ages, we don't acquire it by dint of age.

There could be any number of reasons why your mum behaved this way and said the things she did.

Please try and discover what caused this out of character attitude before you sink into depression and perhaps fall out with her... if as you say you were always close, then clearly something is amiss and now, it could be your turn to do the caring...

good luck and God Bless you both.

Answer 8

I would be upset. Your a teacher! That takes guts there. If you are happy with the way your life is, then dont listen to what she is saying. I'm proud of you. I could never be a teacher, . It takes a special person to do it.

Answer 9

You should ask her why she feels like this,you have a very rewarding career and if you have a disability then I'm sure things haven't always come as easy as maybe they would have for other people.You have every right to be upset with her over this unjustified comment.

Answer 10

Personally, I'd be really upset if my mum said anything like that to me. It sounds as though you've done really well for yourself in life. Your mum's the one with the problem here; it sounds to me like she needs to learn to be grateful for the daughter she's got, instead of mourning for the one she wishes she had. You should say that to her and see how she reacts.