I'm atheist but what should I do about the kids?

Question

I grew up christian... I became atheist as an adult. My husband is christian, as well as pretty much ALL my friends and family. My dilema is... should I take my kids to church so they have a faith to believe in? Should I allow that, not believing in it myself? In a way I kind of feel like I'm allowing them to believe in something like Santa Clause or something. But also, in a way, I wouldn't mind them having something to believe in.... and I don't want them to be outcasts, being the only ones not to go to church. I'm not sure what to do but I've been thinking about it a lot lately....

Answer 1

They're not the only ones not going to church (mine don't), and honestly most kids would *wish* they weren't going :)

I have some of the same issues -- no belief in god whatsoever, morom and catholic familes (hard core), and two kids. I'm *honest* with my kids. I tell them some people believe in god, but I don't. I also tell them why I don't, and I encourage them to be skeptical, think logically, and not believe anything somebody tells them (even me!) without proof to back it up. Yes, there are some challenges that come up -- one of my son's friends invited him to a party held at a church, the intent of the party being to "fellowship" and bring on new members. I told him he could go if he wanted to, but I would not allow him to join any church (he's 10). He decided on his own not to go, and told his friend thanks but no thanks because he didn't believe in god -- and they're still friends. Most kids don't have the absolutism about religion that their parents have, so they don't feel like ostracizing somebody for different religious beliefs. On the other hand, another friend invited him to join the CubScouts, and I told him absolutely no -- I explained that they are intolerant of people who don't believe in god, that they exclude people based on silly predjudices (gays), and that we don't believe in treating anybody that way.

Please don't compromise your own logical conclusions just so the kids might "fit in." Teach them to think for themselves, and then let them make their own decisions in most things -- I don't think you'll regret it, and being honest (both with your kids and your kids with their friends) will produce the best outcome in the long run.

Answer 2

Yes. Similar situation here. I'm a divorced atheist. My ex is Christian, and my daughter went to a Christian preschool before starting in public school this year. My fiancee is Catholic.

I don't want to oversimplify the situation, but it's hard not to without going into a really, really long answer. If I were you, I'd discuss it with my husband and try to agree that each parent has a right (an an obligation) to let their children know how they believe. You do this by explaining things at a level your children can understand. Ultimately, you want your children to grow up and choose their own path. The only way to do this is for you both to respectfully share your thoughts and feelings on the subject of spirituality.

Good luck with a very interesting question.

Answer 3

I also grew up Christian and am now an atheist. From personal experience, I'd suggest you don't take them to church. Hear me out. When I was a little girl, it was a very intimidating thing to hear of everlasting flames and evil devils. It was very real to me, and very tormenting. When I got "saved," there were grown adults crying and telling me I was doing the right thing. I really feel like it's a form of brainwashing. If your children ask to go to church, then by all means, let them go. But from personal experience, I always have something nagging at me from my childhood.. some sense of punishment to come or a giant father-figure looming over me. It's not fun to know it's all fake but not be completely able to block it out due to childhood indoctrination. I would be a lot better off if I hadn't been raised in Christianity.

Answer 4

Why not give them a situation where they are free to make an informed decision? Your husband should take them to church, and after, you and the children should talk about what they said in church and how you feel about it. If the kids ask why you don't go to church with them, openly and honestly explain to them that mommy doesn't believe in God but loves that everyone is free to study and learn and believe when their heart tells them to believe.

Don't make it a point of contention. Make it an opportunity for growth and discussion.

Answer 5

You made your choice to become an atheist as an adult, not as a child. You might want to give your children the same choice. At the present, you might encourage them to go to church, at least to learn the other side. Then when the time comes for them to decide whether they want to believe in a God, or a Dog, or even an all knowing Supreme Being, a Creator or a Destroyer, the choice will be theirs. It is better not to try to force feed any belief upon any rational being.

Answer 6

Bringing them up in the church isn't all that bad. I was, and I am an Atheist. They do teach good social skills and morals. Just have them keep an open mind. But like santa clause, they must eventually be taught the truth. By then they can make up their own mind...

Answer 7

From the mouths of babes... see, that's a problem with being an Atheist, I think, as one who becomes a parent. And a good parent at that, one who truly cares and is concerned for the social well-being of their young ones.

You yourself said "I don't want them to be outcasts..." since, I believe, you feel that they are not as strong as you may be to have similar religious convictions and reasoning capacity, and you have relented to allowing your children to go to church, any church for that matter --which is quite ADMIRABLE and altruistic on your part. The question now is WHICH church should they go to, right? Or something along those lines...

But the point is--and you'll have to agree--that quite obviously as it becomes apparent, that Atheism is purely for selfish reasons ALONE since it otherwise doesn't regard or profess altruistic behavior as a general rule.

Kudos to your good parenthood and honesty in spiritual matters.

Peace be with you.

Answer 8

Think about it from the opposite perspective.
If you were the Christian, and your spouse were the atheist, how would you handle it?

I think you should let them go to church with your husband. When they are old enough to understand, you can explain to them why you chose to become an atheist.
In the long run, they will choose for themselves, just as you did, and just as your husband did. In the meantime, your relationship with your kids will be better if neither you nor hubby try to force your choices on them in this matter....

Answer 9

I am a Christian but I have chosen to NOT have my children baptized. I instead have chosen to allow them to choose for themselves. Caution, they will be influenced by the world around them. However, I think this the best course with any child. Children are people too and fully capable of making their own choices when they reach those points in their lives. I do not push my faith on my kids or allow anyone else to do so. Just concentrate on raising them right and let them worry about things like this when it comes. If you raise them to know right versus wrong and teach them to make good choices always, then you have done your part. The rest is up to them. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

i could say that except your 5 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous has a handicap (not being crappy, only trouble-free), she must be sufficiently previous to start forming her own opinion. the different 2 i could consider you're a sprint youthful. As for the grandparents feeling that "they have a appropriate", they don't have a appropriate to do something with your infants which you do not provide them the main suitable to do. How does your SO experience approximately this? Are you and her in settlement? in my opinion i could (and do) tell everybody that YOUR needs in this depend are actually not negotiable. those are your infants and could be raised as you notice in effective condition. I truthfully have been VERY fortunate and my daughters grandparents are know-how approximately those issues. Her maternal grandmother is christian yet in addition a lesbian. My mom has not something to do with my daughter, My Ex is a Pagan, and my SO is a christian (convalescing catholic as she calls it). My toddler gets approximately besides rounded view of religion as i think of she would desire to ever desire. she would be able to have each and every area to ask inquiries to as she needs to.