What is fear of commitment?

Question

I love this beautiful, wonderful woman and I know the feelings are mutual, but it seems like she won't let herself experience or express that feeling. She is really not commited to anything in life. She works hard, but I really think it's only to try and forget that she is avoiding commitment. I am just wondering if anyone can shed light or share experiences on fear of commitment. How does it manifest itself? Has anyone had success dealing with it? I want to hope, but I don't really know what I'm getting into. I know I can't change her or help her unless she asks for it. I am just hoping to set some reasonable expectations for myself if I choose to pursue this further.

Answer 1

fear of commitment comes from past relationships, she might of been deep in love and gave her heart 2 another man and he shattered it, my wife was like that when we met, sit down and talk about trust with her and make a solid foundation that the relationship can grow on and time will do the rest, talk 2 her about past relationships good and bad and share ur experiences with her to. good luck

Answer 2

Commitment phobia is the fear and avoidance of having to commit to anything, but especially relationships.

Symptoms of commitment phobia
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Commitment phobia can express itself in all kinds of different ways, but typically sufferers may exhibit any of these:


Being overly critical of the other partner in the relationship, and/or the relationship as a whole.

Annoying / hurting the other person, thus sabotaging the relationship, even if it’s considered to be working well. An example of this, might be consistently turning up late for things – whether with apologetic excuses, or not.


Being scared of getting noticed, because the other person might want to start a relationship. In fact, they'll often reject other people from the word go, so that a relationship barely gets off the starting blocks. The feeling behind this, can be to protect themselves from even the prospect of allowing others’ to get too close.

At the other end of the scale, a commitment phobic, may be flirtatious and appear to want the attentions of other interested parties, desiring even a longer-term physical relationship. But, eventually the fear can, and often does, win out and the other person gets pushed away, leaving broken hearts in its wake.


Fearing being swamped by others, and thus losing sight of who they feel they really are.


Unable to face or explore the prospects, issues, or thoughts, of living together, or getting married.Some commitment phobics may want to find Mr or Miss Right and get married, but will often have somewhat unrealistic ‘ideals’ over possible suitors.


Often friends and relatives notice and will often make comments like: 'you're being too picky', and ‘Mr/Miss Perfect’ just doesn’t exist'.


Sometimes they'll fall in love with other people who just aren’t interested in forming an intimate relationship. The reasoning behind this can be that the commitment phobic has, (deliberately, or otherwise), chosen a person who can’t/won’t, form a lasting relationship, and so they are ‘safe’ from having to make that long-term commitment.


There is also the type of sufferer who enters a relationship, can’t commit, then leaves at some point, only to return sometime later, before leaving yet again. This yo-yoing can happen time and time again leaving hurt, bewilderment and distrust in its wake.


There can be the avoidance of having to commit to anything. This can also involve jobs, tasks, timekeeping, as well as personal relationships / friendships. Interestingly, it can even involve undertaking treatment for the commitment phobia itself.
The causes of commitment phobia

The causes of this phobia can be many and varied, but often it starts in childhood, and can sometimes be associated with a loss, or trauma, of some kind, possibly parental separation, divorce, or bereavement.

Another possibility, is that the child might have witnessed, or been a victim of, poor role models, or even abusive relationships during those formative years.

Not surprisingly, this can (consciously, or unconsciously) colour the way they feel and take part in relationships as an adult, too.

Often, at the fear's root, will be a fear of loss, or rejection, by others. The subconscious feels, that if it happened once before, it could happen again.

Guilt, too, can play its part.

To avoid this pain, there will be some kind of distancing from others, in order to 'protect' themselves and to keep some semblance of control.

Answer 3

Every girl I've been with that has claimed to love me more than life itself, has had a fear of commitment... and they ended up sleeping with other men and completely screwing me over... obviously she doesn't love you (no offense intended). If she was in love with you she would be just as willing as you are. Don't jump into it, just enjoy it while it lasts... cause it won't.

Answer 4

Fear of commitment is responsibilities that go with it!

Answer 5

Drop her like a hot potato, there is no hope.