What's your absolute all time favourite joke funny story anecdote etc>?

Question

thanks xxx

Answer 1

night.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

This makes me laugh every time! Silly, but cute.

A koala is sitting up in a gum tree ... smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"

The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting
smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says: "Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much water did you drink?!!"

Answer 4

Sunday school?
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half and ram it up your ****!''
The Teacher fainted.

Answer 5

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”

The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”

Answer 6

THE 3 KIDS AND THE GENIE: once apon a time there were three kids. a blond, a brunette, and a redhead. the redhead found a lamp and she rubbed it and a genie came out. the genie said go down that slide and while your going down, shout out your favorite drink and ull land in it. the brunette went down it and said chocolate milk!! and she landed in chocolate milk. the redhead went down and she said SPRITE!! and she landed in sprite. the blonde said WEEEE!!… THE HIPPIE AND THE NUN: Once apon a time (Approximately, 30 years ago) there was a Hipster who had just gotten stoned. He got on a bus and sat at the back where there was a Nun reading the Bible. Being stoned, he asked, “Hey. Wanna hook up and score?” The Nun simply replied, “No no, thank-you anyway. My virginity is Sacred.” Feeling stupid, the Hippie finally gets to his stop and is about to leave when the bus driver stops him. “Dude, if you really want to hook up with her, you should go down to the Church every Sunday. She is a Christian and a dedicated one too. She literally LOVES Jesus!” This gave him an idea He dressed up as Jesus and walked into the Church on Sunday. Sure enough, he saw the Nun praying. He walked up to her, held out his arms and said, “Behold. I am the mighty Jesus Christ. Lets score.” She was overjoyed After it was over he ripped off the Costume and screamed, “Hah! I’m really the Hippie!.” The Nun simply replied,” And I’m really the Bus Driver.”

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Answer 7

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and quite
considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's
relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

The note read as follows: "Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The
witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they
think I'm leaving my name, registration, address and other particulars.

But f**k you...I'm not.

Answer 8

absolute time favourite joke funny story anecdote

Answer 9

My fav joke is the one about the three building workers!

There are three workers sitting on top of a sky rise eating there lunch, one Italian, one Aussie and one Irish guy, they all open their lunches then the Italian says man if i have to eat pasta again for lunch tomorrow i will jump off this building, then the Aussie guy says if i have to eat bacon and egg pie again tomorrow for lunch i will also jump off this building, then the Irish guys says if i have to eat green bread sandwiches again tomorrow i will also have to jump off this building, so the next day they all open their lunch boxes again and the Italian has pasta so he jumps, then the Aussie and finds he has bacon and egg pie so he jumps and the Irish doe's the same, anyway when it came to there funerals the three wives get together and the Italian wife says if i knew he didn't want pasta again i would have made him something else, the Aussie wife says yes me to if i knew he didn't want bacon and egg pie i would have made him something else, then the Irish wife says i just don't get it he made his own lunches!

Answer 10

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:



1)Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2)There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ***.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”.
12)The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry”.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

Answer 11

If you want some good blonde jokes/anecdotes i suggest you check my previous questions, though other people have posted em since, i got there first.