I have been with my husband for 2 years now we seperated 4 months and we got back together then got married Jan 13. I have a 11 year old daughter. Yes she can be snotty but my husband gets on to her so often like everytime she doesn't say something his way. And when she wants something he will say well why does she need it. It is really starting to bother me bad. My daughter is my sunshine. She has gone threw so much already. And I feel that I have so much to make up to her. I use to use meth but been clean now for 2 years and still going strong my child never seen me use but I wasn't there for her. And I gotta make that up. But I feel when he gets on to her everyday she is gonna recent him bad.I love my husband very much andf I love my daughter very much but this situration I am in is driving me crazy what should I do?????????????????????????????????
2006-11-13 00:47:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think your husband should listen more to your daughter. He's not picking up on what she might be feeling and thinking, which is hard to do with kids and hard for men to understand. This happened to me with my step daughter. I finally learned to listen and reason with her. I gave her choices and and she had to take responsibility for those choices. You as a mother I believe have to act as the facilitator or referee between the two. The main thing is for everyone to remain calm and not get upset. Set guidlines for the daughter, like good grades get a reward or bad behavior get's a consequence. dr.phil.com has a ton of ideas on this topic.
2006-11-13 01:23:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I do believe there is much more than you realize going on in your family.
Your husband most likely does not understand that she is your daughter and not his. She was too old when you two got together for him ever to be really recognized as her father. Probably not even a step father. Just because ha married you it does not automatically make him the father and have all the rights of a father. He needs to back off and try to understand.
You most likely have spoilt the girl much more than you should have. Even if you say you do not I would bet you have and even more so now that you are having problems wirh your husband.
Family counceling might be a good idea for all of you to invest in. creating a family the way you have is at best difficult and if all do not try and understand where there place in the family is then it becomes very difficult.
Often when just living together things seem to go quite well but as soon as the I dos are said things change and some times very much to the detrimant of the family relationship.
I do hope you took into consideration what it would be when you two got married.
There is another facter that may be at play here and sometimes is hard to define. Your daughter may antagonize your husband deliberately to create problems between you two. Your daughter may not even know she is doing this but under the surface she has to share you with him and she may not like that very much.
I do not know you or your family so i can't give any real advice other than see if you can get profesional help to sort out the problem. This will take time and many vissits . some will need to be each of you alone with the counceler and some with just you and your husband and the rest with all of you there.
Nearly always this kind of situation is a combination af many things and not easy to solve over night.
Good luck.
2006-11-13 01:13:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situations as you with my ex husband. We married I had already had two children from a previous marriage and then we ended up having two more. My second child was the child that he was always the hardest on. He was up and down with him. I being very protective would come out like a mama bear. It did not take long for me to realize that no matter how long you have been together, that the relationship between the two of them had never earned respect and trust. Respect for each other brings trust. When you trust then the respect for how each other feels and how the act will develop a relationship between them that will be positive. In order to do that, he has to back off and spend positive time with her, getting to know her going thru ups and downs with her one on one. He has to pick the battles that are worth defending and wining, not to look as he is the man and the hero in the house hold. I hope this help you, take care, and congratulations on being clean. That takes guts and courage to overcome that, if you can do that, then you can get over this next hurdle.
2006-11-13 00:59:56 · answer #3 · answered by peaches 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should remember why you were seperated from your husband to begin with. Your daughter is first and foremost the most important thing at this point. She is 11 and they are all snotty at that age. Hell, what's he going to do when she hits 14? I'm sorry, but you need to step in and remind him that he needs to work with you on this. If he isn't willing to make her a better human being instead of critisizing her all the time, then you need to leave him for good. You said she has been through so much already, I'm sure she doesn't need this added to her pain. My suggestion is to sit down with your husband and explain to him that he is way too harsh. If he isn't willing to meet you half way, then get him out of there. The teenage years are the most crucial and if he can't make it through this age, he has no business trying to help her become a beautiful young lady. Good luck and GOD bless.
2006-11-13 00:57:07 · answer #4 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First i am very proud of you for kicking the drug habit. I think you should talk to your husband and tell him how you feel about this. We all want things that we don't need, but that never stops us from wanting it. You should always try to be there for your kids, but you can never make up for lost time. But now that you are there for her, don't spoil her, or you might have a bigger problem later. Get her the things you know she needs and give her the things your hearts wants her to have. Good luck & take care
2006-11-13 01:08:17 · answer #5 · answered by truckinglove22 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really cannot tell you what to do. This one is a toughy for me.
I assume that she is not his daughter. If he isn't, the best advice i can give is that you shouldn't put anyone except God in front of your child. However, you do not have to make anything up to her. You are there for her now and that is the most important thing.
That is all i got.
2006-11-13 00:56:57 · answer #6 · answered by Osunwole Adeoyin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-23 19:21:51 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter come 1st but talk to your husband and tell him the situation and set rules together! Is this his daughter too? If you need to talk email me!
2006-11-13 01:03:25 · answer #8 · answered by angelwinks619@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be there for your daughter. Help develop her into a healthy human being. You should talk to your husband about his verbal abuse of her and tell him you don't approve. I know you love your husband but what he is doing is damaging her self esteem.
2006-11-13 00:58:43 · answer #9 · answered by greylady 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you are overcompensating her with material goods which will never work and your husband realizes it.
There is nothing wrong with giving your duaghter love, but don't hurt everyone and your relationship with them by making yourself temporarily feel better about your own guilt.
Perhaps counciling would help you.
2006-11-13 00:55:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋