Today my son's bus driver said he kissed another boy on the bus. Last year he touched a boys but in the rest room, and when he was in the kindnergarten he was touching boys and girls. I talked to him each time and he stopped, but every once in a blue moon when i think it's over i'm blown away again, I really want to cry right now. I am a single parent and i don't know what to do. He has no male role models it's just me and him. Should i give him a spanking or what I don't know help me please.
2006-11-13 00:29:55 · 27 answers · asked by browneyeslips 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Frist of all you are not sure about it..I think you should keep on talking to him about it and that he is being disrespectful to others with his behavior.
If he does have gay tendencies make sure you teach him about preditors and not to talk to strange men or go with them...teach him safety.
If u think he is gay, what is wrong with that? will you love your child any less? why are you worried about you? you should think about your son first. He should be happy if you make this out to be something you feel is bad then you will screw up his life..you need to love him no matter what! please what ever you do..if he does turn out gay please respect that and make him feel loved and accepted or his life will be screwed, imagine this..his dad's not around and you treat him badly or make him feel like he is not loved, this will ruin his whole life..if he does not get support from you where will he go? he might lash out and become unmanageabel...so u are the only hope right now..for him..you know how people treat gay people in this world, in schools they are often made fun of or are lonely...so be careful...
2006-11-13 01:58:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
HI. I think it is great that you're concerned about your son's emotional and sexual development. I have many male friends who are gay- and many of them say that they just never felt attracted to women- that they knew from day one that women did not hold that sort of intrigue or thrill for them. Loving your son, and letting him know that you will continue to love him no matter what is the most important thing you can do to support him. Please remember that 1 in 4 gay and questioning teens attempt suicide. Someone who feels friendless, alone and unsupported will have a hard time dealing with the regular toils and troubles of high school life.
But it sounds like you have a few issues on your hands. Young boys and girls are curious abut each other- and playing "doctor" is natural and normal. Being 8 and touching boys or girls is natural and normal too- but it is very important that you explain to your son that you have to ask permission before touching another person, and that you can only touch people when they agree to it. Also- there are times and places when it is appropriate to touch other people- the bathroom, for example- is not one of those places.
Will having no male role models make your child gay- NO. Absolutely not. Having a loving, caring mom will make a loving, caring son. Gay is not somthing that you can cause. Period. Dont be blaming yourself- there is nothing to blame anyone about: you have no control over your son's sexuality.
I am not a parent but I've spent a lot of time working with kids. I think the best you can do is ask your son why he was touching the other boy- and make it clear to him that you will love him no matter what. This isnt an issue to be angry about, or to spank him over.
This site may help you:
http://www.pflag.org/
2006-11-13 00:49:02 · answer #2 · answered by Jemima 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The main thing to teach him here is to keep his hands, feet, and lips to himself until he learns and is taught when and where it's ok to touch others. He needs teaching not spanking. Practice with him through role-play. From what you described, it doesn't sound like these behaviors occur that often at all. Don't worry about him having gay tendencies. If it is or isn't, it's nothing you can change and he's so young. The school counselor may be a good resource for you to help with his school behaviors, to help find community activities that involve male role models, and he/she may know of resources for you as a single mom.
2006-11-13 20:09:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, explain to him about personal space. Let him know that he can not touch other people without their permission. And, that it is only appropriate to hug others that are okay with it, like his family. I would not worry too much yet about whether or not he is gay. He may be, but he may just be a very expressive young man, who enjoys letting his friends know how he feels. (Other than the bathroom thing) If he is gay, let him know you love him as much as you ever did and still will love him no matter his choices. As for a male role model, try enrolling him in the big Brothers program. Also, there is boy scouts, and 4H. 4H is very good because it is a mix of boys and girls, and the ages also very from 8 to 17. He should be able to see how others act and learn from them. I would not suggest spanking, because it will only confuse him further. Most people who have tried to change their children into something else, the children end up later in life very dysfunctional. They can't hold a job or relationship. And, they can't figure out why. I do know of the places that try to change your child's sexual orientation. These are usually the children who when they grow up are like the ones I described above. I wish you all the luck in the world. Take care of yourself. If you would like to email me, I would be more than happy to talk.
2006-11-13 01:47:37 · answer #4 · answered by C B 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The best way to know what is going on with a child is to talk to them. Remind him that is is not ok to touch or kiss others at school. That people have a limit as to what is okay. Is there a way for him to be involved with a mentoring program? Are there any positive males involved with his life?
Children are very curious but they do tend to reflect surroundings. Maybe he saw something that lead him to think it was okay. Hard to say. TV, magazine, and newspapers can give the wrong ideas. I even have looked at billboards and was shocked so, Good Luck.
2006-11-13 02:24:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good Heavens NO....don't spank the poor child! He's only 8!! He is WAY to young to know the difference between gay or normal tendencies! Love him...teach him with your guidance...what would you hope to accomplish by spanking him....Talk to him...explain it's unnatural for boys to kiss other boys or to touch their private parts. Get yourself on Ebay or somplace where you can find a book written by Dr. James Dobson titles "Bringing up Boys"...or you can find it on the Focus on the Family website. Have you considered a Big Brother/Big Sister program...or finding someone that can have some male influence in his life? As for your feeling of wanting to cry....single parenting is one of the hardest tasks ever! Look for a local support group where you can get encouragement, support and help when you need it! Going it alone will only make it harder on you and on your son! Also, a great place to start would be a local Church...any pastor would help you...and won't cost you a dime!!
2006-11-13 00:45:28 · answer #6 · answered by Shelly B 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Not that there would be anything wrong if he did turn out to be homosexual, but right now I wouldn't worry about it too much. Definitely talk to him about not kissing or touching other boys or girls. Like you said, he just doesn't have a male role model and the only example of how to act he has is you. Maybe, if possible, spend some time with men so that he can see how a man is supposed to act without you pressuring him. If his dad isn't around, maybe his uncles or grandfather. But I wouldn't worry just yet about how he will turn out.
2006-11-13 00:43:49 · answer #7 · answered by d1228m 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I hate to suggest this, but it's possible that he may have been molested or touched inappropriately by a male. I would get some counseling for both of you - for him to find out if anyone has, and for you to learn to deal with this issue. I don't care about being politically correct - I believe it's normal for any parent to be upset if they think their child might be gay. No matter how acceptable being gay is now, anyone is going to have their share of problems if they are gay. As parents, we don't want our children to have any problems.
I hope my suggestion is not correct and that he's just expressing himself to all people. Maybe because he doesn't have a male figure in his life, it's making him act this way. I would still talk to a counselor to find out. Best of luck to you.
2006-11-13 02:45:18 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is talk to the counselor in his school. They have resources that you may not know about. Children often repeat behavior done to them. This is a serious matter that needs to be looked into for your son as well as for your well being. This is not something that you should spank over. Go and talk to a professional about this and good luck.
2006-11-13 00:40:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If your worried about him not having any male role models go to big brothers it's free.And if your worried about his behaviour talk to him explain gently that that behaviour is inappropriate for his age.And if he is gay are you gonna love him any less?I think at this age its experimental but you could always ask him. Hes not that young. My daughter is 5 and is already showing sings of being gay are maybe even bi. Children are sexual beings they just don't have the ability to understand what it is their body's are telling them. That is why we need to keep them safe from people who would exploit that in them.Any money he doesn't even realize what he is doing and if you keep and open dialogue with him the behaviour will not surface at inappropriate times.
2006-11-13 09:38:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋