I need help the father of my baby is 23 now and we used to go out for 2 years but then he grabed me and chocked me one night when we where drinking and being stupid and my mom found out and kicked him out because he was living with us! um i mean hes a real nice guy but hes always in trouble with the law like getting into fights and stuff! my brother and mom tell me not to tell him because who knows what will happen (my brother grew up without a dad and he is awsome hes in every church activity)!the dads moms boyfriend has money and we dont know if hell try to take my baby if i dont get back with him because his mom doesnt like me any more! and my 14 year old sister and my grandma are telling me to tell him cause my baby needs to know his dad! i just need somebody to give me some advice! thank you!
2006-11-13 00:08:52 · 16 answers · asked by mypnut07 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
i wasnt pregnant when he did this to me and he doesnt know im pregnant should i tell him
2006-11-13 10:19:33 · update #1
Hi hon. I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're in, but I'm going to try to give you some advise. First and foremost, since what's happened has already happened, PLEASE, learn from this. You can find a nicer, better, more successful guy who is NEVER in trouble with the law and who treats you a hell of alot better than choking you.. I know you may feel like you love this guy, but trust me.... there's better out there and you deserve it. You're going to be a mom, this means watch the drinking!! It's no longer just you, it's you and your child and you're going to need to put your child first. I am an advocate that if a person is a fit parent, they should never lose their child. So if your baby's dad is a good dad, not abusive, capable of caring for a newborn, etc, let him see his child. If you ever, at all, are worried about your baby's safety while with the dad, then do what you have to do to make your baby safe. (if this means keeping the child from him, then do it.) As far as custody, it is expensive to hire an attorney. You should have a domestic relations section in the court house of your county, they can assist you with both support and custody matters. This is a pain though, if the two of you can work out an agreement ahead of time, then try to go that route... get it in writing. (make sure he follows through, make sure you're getting a fair ammount of money) And don't worry about his mom taking the child away. 1.) they won't take a child away from a parent unless they can prove that the parent is unfit. (through drinking problems, drug addiction, neglect, abuse, etc...) 2.) judges won't give custody to a grandparent when the child is already in the care of a *fit* parent.
I wish you the best of luck in this situation and please.... make sure you put your child first from this point on.
2006-11-13 01:40:34 · answer #1 · answered by rachael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do think its up to you to decide whats right for you, however I also believe that the father of the baby should be told, but not so he can take the baby, or that the baby needs this man, any nice man can make a great dad for your baby.
Don,t go back to a violent abusive man, he will not change while you are pregnant.
Be brave, be strong and get the right kind of help, if your parents are supportive, then go also to get help for single mums to be.
Enjoy your pregnancy, and look toward being a good mum, single mums can do as well as any unhappily married mum.
You will be a good mum, and strong mum, if you do all these things right, from the very start, and that may mean having someone with you to let the fellow know, that yes he is the babys dad, no he won,t be having you back to beat, to humiliate or degrade, but yes he has a right to know, and then leave things to work themselves out, get the assistance you need, support groups are everywhere, don,t let this man or anyone bully you into thinking the baby needs his dad, he may do later in life, and that could be his paternal dad, but it could be someone who loves you and your baby and respects you.
Children have the right to know who their parents are etc, and you may find that you can share the baby with his dad, with visiting etc, but I would wait till you have baby and see , if the drinking stops and the man handling, no child deserves that either.
Get on with your life , and enjoy your pregnancy without fear, of him, without fear of hime finding out, do it all the right way, and I am very sure you will be a strong and capable loving mum.
Sandy T
2006-11-13 00:28:54 · answer #2 · answered by Sandry T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look if you are scare of what he could do why dont you put an order against him of what he did to you, but you should tell him becuase then when years pass trust me he's going to say that it not his, next you not going to loose your kid if you'll be a good mom and you have a good place for him, if you all live together and you don't have a space for the baby well...but finish school don't you get in problems and at soon as you finish school get a job. That will let them know that you are responsible. And girl start making decisions and stop saying that he's a good guy!!! Get real a man that is able to put a hand on you, that get's into fights a lot is not a "good guy" he have some problems and you're not a psychiatrist or his mommy Get real!!! Love your self.
2006-11-13 00:25:18 · answer #3 · answered by jenny-PR 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he's like this with the aid of fact he's a teenager who isn't waiting to be A FATHER. the acceptable concern you'll be able to desire to do is get him to sign away all parental rights to the toddler, and supply it up right into a closed adoption into an grownup, sturdy, 2 parent residing house with a mom and a dad who're in a position to advance your newborn. you're saying which you probably did not ever do something to him ... yet you probably did !! You had his newborn whilst he did not prefer it. every physique is all up in palms approximately it being a woman's determination - our bodies, our determination ... yet what with regard to the adult males !?!?? you will on no account get any admire from him, so stop whining approximately how harm you're and FACE the reality that he's a sizable jerk. You had a newborn with a huge JERK. the only severe verbal substitute you may have is the only the place you ask him to sign the paper so as which you would be able to undertake your newborn out into the sturdy, loving, CALM, grownup residing house that it merits. this finished concern is a D I S A S T E R, and the guy who would be harm by making use of it the main is your toddler. i think of you may heavily evaluate adoption.
2016-10-17 05:28:20 · answer #4 · answered by lander 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you feel is the right thing, if the baby's father wants nothing to do with the child; sounds like you have a great support system, get a job to take care of the baby . Maybe you will find someone better later to be a father to your child.
2006-11-13 00:14:43 · answer #5 · answered by Heather M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your brother isn't the issue, it's your bf. I don't know the exact nature of US law in regards to the father's rights in your particular case, so you should ring the police for advice.
Your mum did the right thing by kicking him out, what other choice did she have? He could have left you a paraplegic. Do you think he'd have cared for you and the baby if you were paralyzed? I doubt it.
I don't think anyone will try to take the baby, and if they do call the cops.
2006-11-13 00:31:58 · answer #6 · answered by Bad bus driving wolf 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all he has no right putting his hands on if you are pregnant especially at your month. if the baby's father (mother doesn't like you I suggest you don't have contact with her she may think you're trouble for her son. if your baby father tries to take your baby away after birth you need to get parental rights just because you're having his baby doesn't mean you have to get back with him he's abusive! my advice may sound kinda mean but there are a lot of 17-year old young females who raise their babies fine with or without the babies father. and yes please tell him that you're having his baby it will hopefully calm the situation if it doesn't then you should avoid contact with him.
2006-11-13 00:20:33 · answer #7 · answered by Danielle L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel that each child if possible should know who their parents are, if this man is violent then you should be careful. you and your baby come first. better to only have one parent and extended family who will love and care for them. don't get back with him just because he will take the baby, that is no reason at all, try and make a life for yourselves. Sounds like you will have the support of your family to do this.at the end of the day it is up to you.
2006-11-13 00:19:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what? You have to be real, tis is no game. Having a baby i a responsabilty that you have to deal. the father of the baby has to know and help with the baby. Yor are some young.But everyting will be fine I have 3 of them.
2006-11-13 00:15:56 · answer #9 · answered by Geraldine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest giving your baby up for adoption - so he/she will have a good, loving, stable, supportive home - doesn't sound like you are able to provide that right now. Do what's best for your baby.
2006-11-13 00:26:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋