Just had a talk with my mom who buys more than Santa for Christmas. I have two living children,3 and 4,and I want them to have great chrsitmas but I dopnt want them to get soooo much for various reasons. She's always overspent on Christmas and birthdays and put my dad in serious debt over it. When I asked her to keep it at 4 gifts each kid,she cried. As if Im going to jip them and theyll have coal in their stockings. Whats her problem. Their other grandma only buys one,maybe two inexpensive gift so she dosent need to worry aboput being "showed up". When I asked her to get me nothing or if she must I said a keepsake involving my infant who died. She said "Oh, but thats not enough". To me its EVERYTHING! I dont want cashmeire,id rather have a shirt with his feet printed on it.
2006-11-13 00:08:13 · 8 answers · asked by TrofyWife 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Many times you find certain people over give, to make themselves feel better. To see the look on the small children when they are opening all the gifts is a pleasure. Some people do it for the joy of the children, some do it for the jjoy it brings them. Sounds to me like your mother is in need of some real love and appreciation, perhaps if this was evident in her real life, she wouldn't have to find it in the eyes of your children. I really would not be so hard on her, you know there are worse things a mother could do. Let her know how much she is loved, and the fact that you are all together at the holidays is all you ask for. She might limit her spending, if not, try to make her switch her gift giving to schooling fees, needed clothing, or setting up a bank account for your childrens college fund. This way she is helping as well as doing something great for your children. Also, for herself. Give unconditional love to her, she sounds like she needs it. Good luck, and happy holidays.
2006-11-13 01:25:05 · answer #1 · answered by june clever 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you lost a baby. I know that is very hard.
I am a grandma, and sometimes in the past, I spent way too much, too. I think since you asked her not to give your children so much, and she insists on it, ask if you could put a few of the things away and give them to the children at other times, as a "thinking of you gift". Please don't hurt her feelings!
As for her getting your dad in serious debt, I think that is something between them, and he should be the one to talk to her about it if it bothers him.
Some people just have to buy a lot of things! Maybe she didn't get much as a child, and now she feels she can do things for you. Since I don't know your mom, I sure don't know her reasons.
I would say accept what she does and try to enjoy Christmas. You don't want this to come between you.
2006-11-13 09:05:33 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to buy books for the childrens' section of the local library or your church...Accept only x number of presents and tell dad the rest are going back...your choice. I never had this problem...The kids are going to be getting older and the toys more expensive...If you return gifts, give money back to dad to put in or on the bill...How sweet a daughter....
2006-11-13 10:47:18 · answer #3 · answered by Patches6 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's wonderful that your mother in so giving. I have a mother-in-law who does not recognize either one of my step-sons but dotes upon her nephew. On the other hand, My mother is also one of those "spoil them rotten" grandmothers. What we have asked her to do is if she is going to buy tons of gifts for the children then most of them must be educational toys. We have also suggested that it's better for her to put money into the children's education than in buying them toys that they will grow out of in a few months. She's glad to put some money into their accounts for college.
2006-11-13 09:10:17 · answer #4 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send them back unopened and refuse them or tell her if she gives too much you will donate the items to needy children. Even 4 gifts each is alot!
2006-11-13 12:44:05 · answer #5 · answered by KathyS 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when she delivers the gifts (if there are more than the 4 you limited her to) i'd say "thanks....now, which 4 would you like to leave for the kids....and shall i return the others or would you like to?"
2006-11-13 11:37:33 · answer #6 · answered by SNAP! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell mom that anything over the 4 you told her will be going to charity. and thank her for allowing you to do so.
2006-11-13 08:48:16 · answer #7 · answered by craina c 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her again and tell her she is guest at your house at Xmas. You rule not your mom, she needs to pay respects to your wishes as well. Be firm!
2006-11-13 08:16:47 · answer #8 · answered by plie3824 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋