finding out about 1/2 child?

Question

my daughter is almost 8 and after 7 yrs her dad wants back into her life, and i an fine with that. they talked on the phone last night for the 1st time ever, today i founf out by some one i don't know, they are saying that they also have one of his kids and they send me a photo of him,

My question is do i ask the dad about the other kid or see if he says anything ...........

oh yeah we live in texas and he lives in oregon it has been that way for7 yrs and this other kid lives there

Answer 1

Absolutely!

You are the Mom and have your child's best interest at heart; if he hasn't been around, you can't expect that he will innately do that which SHOULD come to a parent naturally to protect and respect you and yours. You have every right to ask questions in a situation like this, because you have to think about how HIS past, present and future will effect your daughter if he is going to be in her life now.

I speak from 1st hand experience, because I have a 10 yrold with a guy a met in college (1995); he had one son before we met in college (now 13), another in the midst of our liasons(11), I had my daughter (now 10), he married and had 2 mores sons (now 5 and 6), divorced, got remarried and has a 2 monthold daughter now...do you see a pattern here...HE has alot going on and alot of children! Therefore, I have to protect my daughter's best interest, because I don't know what is going to take place in his life from one moment to the next; it can be difficult. Like you, he has made numerous attempts throughoout her life to come around, call, give money for this-that-and the other, but most of it has never been consistent. So, be careful and be sure that you stress to him the importance of being "committed" to whatever he thinks his intentions are; your child does not deserve to be introduced to him, siblings, etc and then have it snatched from her; I have been here, so I know how these moments of overwhelming guilt and curiosty can propel the biological father to suddenly want a relationship. But, if the child does not respond in the way they imagined, or you start asking for financial assistance, or you don't see eye to eye on certain things, they get shell-shocked, or the novelty of the "idea" of being dad wears off and they fall back into the darkness again. Should any scenarios like this take place, YOU are the one that will be doing damage control, answering your daughters questions etc.

Prayerfully, it will all work itself out and things will progress well. But, I am just sharing my personal experience to give you insight on what can happen. Because, I have been on the rollercoaster of events surrounding my daughter biological dad ever since I said the words, "I'm pregnant" to him. You know what though, it is what it is and it hasn't been ALL bad and in my situation, I have been married since my daughter was 2. Therefore, her 1st introduction to that of a "Daddy" was with a man who's heart she was born of, though not of his dna. And like you, I have been fine with MOST of what her biological dad has attempted to do through the years, because at the end of the day, there would be no HER if there was no HIM...we did that much right together! : )

Answer 2

Daddy love probably cannot be substituted. There are of course exceptions.

When you mentioned one of his kids, do you mean that he has several families? How would it affect you or your daughter if there are other 'kids' around?

You mentioned 'her dad wants back into her life' - is this permanent? At 8 years old is it a little too old to do that?

If it is only temporarily, certainly you are not allowing your daughter to be alone (too young) with his father are you? If not, then the outing would have to include either yourself or someone. If this is the case, the opportunity may arise to ask the question, if there is/are the other kid/s.

You probably have to make some decision whether to ignore the facts from others if you would take the trouble yourself to find out the actual truth. You probably never know whether those other people is with you or against your ex.

You probably in a web of circumstance. Compartmentalize and categorize different issues and work out the solution in parts.

Whichever way, I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

In an ideal world brothers and sisters would grow up knowing each other and it would be good for the two of them to meet, but I would leave it up to the dad. Kudos for him for seeing the errors in his past and now wanting to know his daughter, but give him time to get his foot in the door.

Answer 4

No, I wouldn't ask him. Worry about how he is going to fit into your daughter's life now and maybe some issues she might have adjusting with it. Let it pass until you know he is really back in her life.

Answer 5

ask him if in the 7 years he's been gone if he has been married or had any other kids??

Answer 6

ASK HIM ABOUT THE OTHER KID