we have a terrible relationship with our 4 yr old,he tells us bad words you name it he does it all...........

Question

Our 4yr old doesent seem to listen, he wants to do whatever he wants, he will yell at us, tell us bad word's, and hit us. We always try ,or give him everything,nice toys,clothes,& shoes. He doesent appreciates what we do for him,he is also so hipper,since I became pregnant he just gotten worse, & now that the baby came and is 2 month's he is still the same or worser then before. If things dont go his way then he will just start crying like crazy...we try to spank him or put him on time out but he just cries, when he cry's it irritates me real bad so I just go bazzar with him. we tried everything but doesent seem to work so can someone tell me what really works, I just cant take it anymore is just crazy, we do evrything for him and he stills acts dumb with us..

i almost forgot he specially acts up in public or when people are around....

Answer 1

If you continue to buy everything for him and continue to "do everything" for him; he's going to keep on acting this way. You are encouraging his behavior, and like you said, you give him everything. The big problem with that though is you aren't expecting anything in return. I'm not trying to be mean, but you've taught him to be this way. Material items have no "true meaning" for children. Your son in no way understands that you are lucky enough to provide him with 'whatever he wants'. He does not have the comprehension skills to "appreciate" anything; and you're making it worse by continuing to give him whatever he wants.

Maybe you should visit Dr. Phil's website, as I'm sure he still has great advice there on how to stop this kind of problem. First thing you need to do is STOP giving him everything and anything in the world that he desires. You're not teaching him anything by doing that. Then, you need to stick with those time outs... like someone else said, you hold him in the chair even if it takes an hour for him to quiet down. You need to basically re-teach this child on how to act and you need to set lots of boundaries. But you can't spring new rules and lifestyle changes on him and expect him to just comply after allowing him to be this way for so long. Children of this age do NOT have the cognitive ability to just accept a huge overhaul in their lives. You need to stick with punishments and stop yourself from giving him stuff.

I'd also start taking toys away from him every time he acts up. He can earn them back by behaving. Even if his room ends up empty, you have to be CONSISTENT. You can't show him you are irritated; especially since this isn't his fault. But he does need to know that you are serious. It's going to take a while to erase this, b/c he didn't get this way overnight. So he's certainly not going to change over night. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

I have been a father for 18 years now. NotAmini is correct you have to regain control. If you have to spank do so, but becareful to not leave marks. Thats where others will accuse you of child abuse. If he acts up in public take a trip into the closets restroom. I am a firm believer off an *** whooping. My Mom spanked me and I am a better person because of it. Does he do this behavior with mom or dad, both? Most kids seem to see mom as the weakest link. I have been married twice, and my 4 year old seeing mom as that weak link. She is learning however and is gaining control. She just loves the little man so much and don't want to be mean. I let her know it is not mean. Kids need discipline or they run all over you. My oldest son is 18 and still listens to me pretty well although I try to let him know he is 18 now and needs to make and learn from his own decisions. Hope every thing works out for ya.

Answer 3

Keep using the same methods, if you are starting to lose it then you need to take a 5 minute break and come back. You and your husband can rotate if need be. I had the same problem with my 4 year old and my best advice is persistence and patience. Remember, you're the adult and you make the rules. Don't let the crying bully you. He knows what to do to push your buttons. Also, he might be acting out more in public because he knows you are less likely to discipline him there. If that is the case, stop what you are doing and take him directly to the car and discipline him. I t worked wonders for us.

Answer 4

We have an almost 4 yr old and an almost 1 yr old. We had a very rough summer, just moved to London from the States, he wasn't in school, it was a hard adjustment. Anyway, I talked to our pediatrician back home and she told me to read the book Parenting with Love and Logic. It really did help me, I would reccomend that you get it on Amazon if it's not in the bookstore near you. Jim Fay is one of the authors (can't remember the other one offhand). Basically you give your child 2 choices everytime, so they feel they have some control, but really you have control b/c you control the choices. Good luck, I know how you feel.

Answer 5

*We always try ,or give him everything,nice toys,clothes,& shoes*

DON'T GIVE HIM EVERYTHING!!!!!
Your son is spoiled and now it is going to be more difficult to stop the behaviors. When he starts crying, IGNORE HIM! When he misbehaves, don't spank him every time, because it will eventually have zero effect on him. The child is 4 and is only acting in the manner you have taught him to act.
WHen he acts up in public, WALK AWAY!!
Notice, I didn't say abandon him. My son tried that stunt one time, and I walked to the end of the isle in the grocery store we were in and watched him in the mirror. I could see him at ALL times, and he wasn't experienced enough in life to see me in the mirror. HE got scared and began to panic. The minute he did, I walked back around the corner and "saved" him. I also DID NOT get him anything at the store that day to make him feel better. He got scared and went home unhappy... he didn't do it again.
If he misbehaves at home, place him on a chair or in a corner, or on the steps, or something to where he cannot see the TV and cannot interact with anyone. When he gets out of the punishment, PUT HIM BACK IMMEDIATELY. If he refuses to stay, then put him back and hold him there until he does stay there. Tell him he has to stay there for 5 minutes (he has no concept of time, so he has no clue how long he is there.) and that his time isn't going to start until he stays there and is quiet.
I will promise you that this is something that is going to take you much longer to fix than it took for YOU to break.
Regardless of how long it takes your son to finally sit by himself, quietly for no more than 1 minute per year, DO NOT LET UP. If it takes you an hour to get him quiet and sitting, then work at it for the entire hour. As soon as he sits there, give him a hug, and praise for behaving for you, and then do something with him that does not invove buying him anything.
Some suggestions are:
Watch a movie
Color
Draw
Read a book
Whatever

Eventually, he will ge the idea.
When you start getting over-stressed, have someone else spell you while you go and relax. DO NOT LET THEM STOP. They must continue to put the child back into punishment until you get back.
Don't yell, don't get in the child's face, don't threaten, DON'T HIT
DO be firm, DO be consistent, DO praise him when he does right

I wish you great patience and success.

Answer 6

You must set clear rules, clear consequences and stick to them. That last part is where most fail. they set rules, and then when broken, the discipline is diferent every time or not enforced. It will be hard at first, but you must set the rules, set the disciplines for breaking rules, and stick to them whether he screams, hits, cries, or whatever else he can come up with.
Right now he is in control, and he knows it. You buy him things and when he pushes your buttons he knows he will get a reaction. You must never show him that you are angry. You must stay calm when giving out discipline. Provoking a reaction from you make him feel powerful and in control, so you must take that away from him. That is the key, you must control yourself at all times.

Answer 7

I could go on and on but in a nutshell, you are not disiplining your child. You don't have to hit him but you have to be stern and persistent. It will take awhile so BE PATIENT AND DONT GIVE IN!
ALSO..... Watch the Nanny 911 on TV. She gives some SUPER FANTASTIC advise on children who toot their own horn. You could also get a book (like what to expect when you are expecting) or see a psychologist but Nanny 911 is much easier and the information is top of the line!

Good luck and take control you are the parent and IT IS YOUR job to teach them life lessons not their job to tell you how it is going to be. Let them have an opinion, repsect them and their opinion but be the adult and parent!

PS. That is a troublesome age!
Good Luck

Answer 8

He lacks the ability to solve problems. Mine just went through that, and it was her teacher that clued me in to it.

When things don't go his way, he screams right? It is because he does not know how to solve the problem he's having, which in the mind of a 4 year old is humongous! Tell him in a calm voice "do not cry, let's figure out how to solve this problem" Then show him how.

It's important that you do so as soon as possible, not just for sanity in your home, but also because (according to my kids teacher) studies have shown that kids who can't solve basic problems like that have trouble later on solving math problems. I know, weird, but it makes sense. They need to have that skill of seeing the problem and working out how to solve it to a reasonable solution; it's the same concept with math.

Good luck!

Answer 9

<>You have coddled him far too much, and you probably tought him those words yourself. You need to show him you are in control. Say "No!" twice and then (horrors!) spank him. (I didn't say beat, whip or pummel him...I said spank him!). And don't pick him up and wipe away his tears, either. He needs to learn he is doing wrong. If you keep on the course you are going, you may find there will be serious problems in his relationship with the new baby.

Answer 10

back in the day you could beat the crap out of him but now you just cant its not acceptable i dont let my kids watch cartoons i send them to their room and they can cry all they want it doesnt bother me i dont let my 7 yr old watch animal planet i take away their ice cream after dinner or whatever we have sweet after dinner i put them to bed early if they get crazy i take away the fun places we go to chucky cheese park where ever and if it is one then i do all the above but ill take the other 2 to a fun place out and take the one thats cutting up to their grandmas