Am I being overprotective of my daughter?

Question

OK, first of all, my mother was never there for me when I was young, my father raised me and my brother. Anyway, my daughter is 4 years old and I love her with all my heart. I only want the best for her. And the only place I trust to leave her is at daycare while I work. Other than that, she's with me, at home. I am totally freaking out if she's anywhere else than with me or at daycare, and I don't feel like she's safe. My mother lives 2 hours away and she's always pressuring me to let my daughter spend nights with her. (By the way, she's also an alcoholic) So am I being overprotective or just being a good loving mother??

Answer 1

Your not being over protective at all. Your being very resonable and protecting of her. You know from experince that your mom would likely not care for your daughter properly, as she did not care for you propelry. You worry about her..as well you should..it is scary having a child I see so many people letting thier kids go alone to the park at that age..it makes me skin crawl just thinking what could happen.. My father was an alcholic..and I never let him alone with my kids. I just knew it would not be a good thing all around. I also have yet to get a baby sistter for my kids to go out. I just havent wanted to go out badly enuff to entrust my kids lives to a total stanger who claims to love kids. That may be over protective..I don't know..I honeslt y do not care either..my friends tell me I should go out..get a sitter..yadda..yadda..I just can't leave them alone with a total stranger. And I am perfectly fine with that. So I would say..relax..your fine..your her mom..you are looking out for her as any loving mom would do. :-)

Answer 2

Honestly, if you are or aren't being overprotective is only a question that you can answer. You are the only person who knows what the exact situation is in your child's life.

I'd suspect because you're questioning it, you're probably NOT being over protective. You mentioned that your mother is an alcoholic, but didn't mention if she's currently dry, working on it, or just soaking it up. You did however see fit to mention first that she was never there for you.

I'm not trying to be mean to you or start anything nasty, but I don't think you're really wondering if you're being over protective. I think you're looking for permission to withhold your daughter from your mother in order to punish her. I can totally understand that though, I did pretty much the same thing, and think it's natural.

Let me give you a word of advice, don't leave your daughter with her unless you truly feel comfortable doing so. You won't enjoy being out if your visiting and won't be productive if you're at work. Not to mention that if the child gets even the smallest cut or scrape you will never forgive yourself.

If your mother is making ANY effort to get her life together, give her the benefit of the doubt. Make an excuse that you and your daughter will BOTH be in her area and would like to stay the night. She how your mom interacts with both you and your child, maybe in time, things will change.

By the time their children have grown most bad parents realize, and deeply regret their mistakes. If yours is in this group, then it's not too late for you to get your mother back either.

Obviously, if your mother isn't making an effort, then it will sadly be her loss - of a precious granddaughter and a daughter that has turned out to be a great mother in spite of her own.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

I have a 2 year old daughter and I understand where you're coming from. My mom is questionable as well...and I'm tormented about an overnighter. But, I have a game plan!

One set of grandparents is completely trustworthy (would put their own life on the line to save her from an ounce of pain). They keep her overnight once a week, sometimes less. They've earned that right.

Another pair is good, but not perfect. They love her and would never knowingly allow harm to come to her. She stays with them every month or two and has only once come back with a skinned knee or too-wet diaper.

My mom, on the other hand, is suggesting that she wants to keep her overnight often. She seems to be scatterbrained lately, making careless mistakes around the house. She is the only grandparent who has not installed childproofing devises around the house. She gives her 4 dogs raw meat "treats" which are all over the house (trichinosis!!!). She refuses to close the door to the basement for the sake of the dogs. Worst of all, she keeps a gun under her pillow and in her car. I am preparing to tell her she must resolve all these issues before she can keep my daughter for even an hour. I will tell her I'll check each item before leaving and I will follow through with my threat.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, trust is earned. Pay attention to the precautions your mom takes when your daughter is around. If you feel okay, have her watch your daughter for a couple hours while you shop (or whatever) in the local area. When you're comfortable (if ever), allow your daughter to spend the night, but be sure to communicate your "rules". Tell her no alcohol for the night. If it seems like she doesn't like the "rules", don't let her stay. She'll get a clue and either straighten up, or your daughter will never spend the night.

Answer 4

I have 2 girls, ages 3 and 9, and also have an alcoholic mother. I do not trust that my mother can refrain from drinking long enough to take care of my girls even for just a few hours. I still will not allow my 9 year old to play outside unless their is adult supervision by myself or her step-father and rarely allow her to go to sleep overs unless I know there will be at least 3 or 4 other girls attending. I never had any really traumatic experiences as a child, but I have come to realize that the reason I am overprotective of my children is because the bottom line is that there are wierdos out there and the only person who can protect them is you.

Don't feel guilty - you can never love your child too much.

Answer 5

In Today's Society There Is No Such Thing As A Overprotective Parent Of Any Child Boy Or Girl Of Any Age With All The Sickos Out There. You Do What You Feel Is In The Best Interest Of YOUR Child And No-One Can Think Bad Of You For It If They Do Tell Em TO Flake Off. sounds like your being a typical mom

Answer 6

You are not overprotective until you have started to cover everything with cushions, follow her to school, hold her hand everywhere even when she's 10, and force her to wear a hat when it's not even sunny. As a daughter with extremely overprotective parents, I can tell you that you are NOT overprotective. Your mother, as an alcoholic, cannot be trusted alone with her. What if she cant stay away from the bottle for even one night? What if she loses control and hurts your daughter? No matter what her good intentions are, dont let her be in charge of your daughter. A lot of abuse is not "intentional." That doesnt stop it from happening. Right now, your daughter needs her mommy more than anyone else. Even if grandma doesnt hurt her, she will miss the warm comfort of her mother. She needs her mom. I doubt grandma can be of much help when the "boogeyman" comes late at night. Tell your mom thanks, but no thanks.

Answer 7

A good Mom IS overprotective. We have only to turn on the t.v. to see the horror.

If your Mother drinks, then you should always be there with your daughter. She should never be left alone with an alcoholic.

Your daughter is 4, your instincts are appropriate. These things get adjusted as kids age. Don't worry Mom sounds like you are doing fine.

Answer 8

Don't worry you aren't being overprotective. She's 4 & needs your protection. Leaving her with your alcoholic mother isn't doable but you already know that. You are a good loving mother. If your mother pressures you too much I would tell her the truth; you don't trust her to care for your daughter.

Answer 9

I don't think you are being over protective regarding leaving her with your alcoholic mother!! That would be child abuse just waiting to happen! No way would I leave my child, no matter what age with an alcoholic.

I wonder why you trust the daycare and not an adult babysitter in your neighborhood? It causes me some concern that you say you "freak out' if she isn't with you or at daycare. You need to get over yourself on that one. She will have to go to school in another year. Your freaking out could cause her major separation anxiety and make school absolutely miserable for her.

Answer 10

No.But don't know how to explain this but I'll try.I always lived with my grandmother,aunt or boyfriend,never really lived with my mom either,my moms also an alcoholic but guess what,I now have two children( one almost 2 and the other 5)and,one the way.I work full time,my job is at least 1hour away and my mom watch my children while I work.LISTEN she may drink and sometimes get high.But while my children are around my mom is always sober,she wants them around all the time,what she does is she do not drink when there around and I think that's gonna help her stop.Trust your mom and give he a try.don't leave your kid alone with her until u know shes not drinking while keeping her.BEST WISHES.