Why can't I stand her? I mean, I absolutely can not stand her!!?

Question

I have a 3 year old daughter. I honestly can not stand her. I don't know if it's post partum depression from my 9 month old son, but she just keeps on doing stuff that annoys the heck out of me. On top of it, her father is no better than a 2 year old himself and never tries to teach her right from wrong. I get so furious with her. No, I don't go over the top and all out beat the heck out of her, but she is just too much. I honestly feel like she needs to be sent to a boarding school where they will force her to behave and obey without intentionally destroying everything she touches and intentionally trying to injure her little brother. She likes to throw glass and she likes to try standing on her brother when he's crawling around. That's not the worst of it, this is her on a good day. I honestly can not stand her and want to send her to a boarding school, and I hate feeling this way about her. I was not raised in a family like this, and I just don't like her.

I hate feeling this way, I can't help it. She is included in everything. She is given toys all of the time when funds are available, and I do spend a lot of time playing with her. I am usually a very patient person, but after so long it's just too much.

Answer 1

ohhh! i am so sorry for the frustration you are going through!.... and to top it off, it doesn't sound like your hubby is much help. I would agree with everyone else about talking to your doc about post-pardom depression, it will help YOU and your daughter.

Please keep in mind above ALL else that no matter how you feel, your daughter NEEDS you to love her and show that you love her UNCONDITIONALLY. As everyone else has said, I am sure she feels the frustration and that is why she is acting out. It is said that 100% of the time when children that young are misbehaving it from lack of attention, and NOT lack of discipline. I know it sounds awful to expect that you could possibly give more attention to her when you are spread sooo thin between the new baby, her behavior and your feelings, but that is why talking to your doctor (or pediatrician) will be soooooo helpful!

Do this for your baby, toddler and yourself, and keep your chin up girlfriend, this too, shall pass.
God bless!

Answer 2

LOL

I'm not laughing at you in a mean-spirited way, just in the way that you think your child is doing something completely out of the ordinary. Hon, she's THREE, it's the age of drama queen, it's the age of testing limits and seeing how far she can go, it's the age of wanting you to help her do it herself, it's the age of coming into her own personality.

She does not need to go to boarding school; if you send her, then send the 9 month old too, because in a couple of years, he's going to be the same way!!! They ALL go through this sweetie, your child is not doing anything that is not in accordance with being 3.

If you are going through some post-partem depression, then see a doctor right away, there are meds that can help tremendously. Otherwise, you need to get a new attitude, right now! Don't hate her for being 3, enjoy it instead, even when she drives you nuts!

I know this, because mine is 3 too, and my older one is four, so she just went through it last year.

Answer 3

You're obviously going through a trying time with two little ones and you could certianly use some help from your spouse.
You have to keep in mind that your daughter is going through one of the roughest stages there is. I find that this age is more challenging than even the "terrible twos".
Still....you have to be the bigger person since you are. Try and regroup and not carry over frustration over past events that she has done. I wouldn't be buying toys for her even if there are funds though. Most kids seem to have too many to begin with. Birthdays and Christmas. Period. Sounds extreme but you'll both be the better for it.
Find things she likes to do and reward her each time she focuses on being a good girl. (reward with good attention not material things) Read her plenty of stories. Make sure she gets tons of outside time and exercise. Create point systems for good behavior. Ask and tell her how instrumental her help is for her baby brother. (simple things like asking her to help get a blanket or diaper etc)
The list goes on and you'll be tired but she'll come around.
It's your only daughter...make sure she knows that you love her....right now she probably senses your frustration more than your love.

Answer 4

let me share what I do, then maybe that will help you. i have a 2 yrold and 5 mo old. Now this may sound like i'm not addressing your question. but i think the root of the problem is toddler not getting 24/7 attention.... and how to cope with this.

its all about making your day better so your are not battling with the toddler all day. I noticed that my toddler behaves the worst when i'm feeding the infant. So i try to time the infants feeding time while Toddler is sleeping/napping. This is not always possible. so if I have to, i'll turn on the tv for lil while.

TRY NOT TO DO HOUSEHOLD CHORES WHILE YOU ARE TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS. for me, everytime i try to do something else. my toddler acts up. So during the day i dedicate my time for the kids. i take them to the park, for walks. ( i joined MOMs club- they really helped with this kinda stuff. They are almost free to join) House works and cooking are done mainly on the weekends.

Most importantly, after your husband gets home, take some alone time. ex: go to the corner coffee shop and read magazine for 1/2 hour or take a nice bath...

my toddler just woke up and he is about to give his sister a hug.... aka squeeze till she can't breath anymore... so let me go referee that....

Answer 5

Well, first of all, that's a really horrible thing to say. She is acting like a normal 3-year-old. My daughter is 4, I know. And it sounds to me like you're just really stressed out from having a baby and a toddler and maybe you need just a little break. If your daughter is totally out of control, you should use time-outs and talk to her like she's a real person. Explain to her why she can't do these bad things she does, and make her listen. It also sounds to me like your daughter is craving attention and you need to show her some love right away. It is really hard for a little girl to deal with having a new baby in the house, especially when her mommy is spending all her time with the new baby. Try and put yourself in her position, it may give you more patience with her. I don't believe there IS a boarding school for 3-year-olds, but if there is, you'd be making a huge mistake by sending her to one. She needs you, she loves you, and you'll miss some really important stages in her development, and crush her little heart by sending her away.

Answer 6

shes 3 years old, its quite possible shes doing it for attention because she feels like her younger brother is getting all the attention...why not trying doing one on one things with her. thats an awful thing to say that you just want to send her away to a boarding school..she probably has needs that she feels arent being met since her brother came home.

Answer 7

Okay. She is Just acting out is what it sounds like and being that you have a younger child to tend to is more reason for her to gain your attention. I have a 4 yr old and I'm 7 months pregnant i can understand your dilemma with a "testy toddler" reinforcement from her father is important I've been battling that fight myself being that I have a boy and his dad and him r really no diff just size..LOL...your lil girl sounds like she has a lot on that little mind of hers and needs to vent she may benefit from a stroll to the park or maybe find out if there are any drop in daycare facilities(if shes not FT daycare already) to aide you in redirecting her antics. have room in your backyard for a trampoline or climbing structure? these do wonders at tiring out testy children.

Answer 8

I would check into the post partum thing. That could be the problem. You may not have had it with the first one at all but the second kid could hit you very hard.

Answer 9

See a therapist,for the post partum.3 is just an age where kids are testing thier limits.Good-luck!God-Bless ya!

Answer 10

Anger and irritability is definitely a sign of postpartum depression. Please get help for yourself. Your daughter is definitely picking up on your anger and may be worse just to get any kind of attention from you. I am not judging you, I have a wild 2 year old boy who can be too rough with his 11 month old sister. Today he didn't nap and was basically psychotic. My husband and I had to tag-team with him so neither one of us would be tempted to scream at him or hit him! It's hard but this is probably just a phase for both of you. You can take a anti-depressant while you breastfeed so please consider this.