should kids pay for parents 50th wedding annv.?

Question

my in-laws 50th annv. is may 2007. In May of this year my in-laws asked that we all 4 kids and thier familys go to florida for thier annv( this was the way they wanted to celebrate).i don't know what happened to that whole idea but in the next couple months that was a no-go and thier oldest daughter sent an email that now mom and dad wanted to do a hall, band, food, open bar, invites and the whole 9 yards which i think is wonderful for them (oh this would be for 200 people) it sounds like mother-in-law is telling sister-in-law what they want and sister-in-law is planning it as if it were a surprise?????? no-one has said lets get together and plan this thing and how much should we spend & we can't get any straight answers. they have a habit of doing things and then sending a email that our portion is this much. i wonder if i should assume this is expected of us and wait for the bill. or should i assume it is not up to us to pay for this

i guess i should explain that we all live in the same town. this email stuff between siblings is terrible. i hate it. may is not that far off. and this is looking like a $8000 to $10000 shing ding. The worst part is that when they said they defineltly wanted to go to their timeshare is Florida, my husband took off work and we bought our airline tickets for 5. thought we could make a vacation out of it. We also have a son getting married in March. As i said the trip was a sure thing for 2 months and then we get this email. I called my sister-in-law and told her she would have to do a little better then a email that amounted to her details and a expected price. there last expected price was work they were doing in the in-laws basement about $100 ea. did not hear a thing again for months and then a email that our portion was $600. events like this should be planned in advanced to allow for saving. i will take the advice to get together. if they want any money from us they will have to

Answer 1

I definitely think kids should get together and do something for their parents 50th Wedding Anniversary, whether that is a party or a trip for the two of them (this would also depend on their preference). Once a general idea has been decided, then the kids should get together and decide what is a reasonable amount for each one to contribute (equal shares). If each kid can only afford $100 each (I would also give grandkids an option of contributing a smaller amount, like $20 a piece), then I would send the parents away for a weekend at a B&B or have a dinner at restaurant for the family. If each kid can afford $500 and each Grandkid $50, then I would plan accordingly for that. I don't really think it's fair for one of the more well off siblings to decide on a $10,000 shindig, then expect you to fork over $2500. I don't really think your parents would like it in the end either.

My Grandparents recently had a 50th Anniversary. They don't feel comfortable with big parties. However, they did want to get together with all of their kids/grandkids, so we had a dinner at a restaurant with the kids/grandkids. At this party we ate, had fun, and even had some cake. We were then given a wedding photo of my grandparents, and a more recent photo as a party favor? Then my grandparents were sent off for the weekend (about an hour drive to get to their location). They don't like B&B's so we set them up in a hotel. Then they just did a little shopping, etc...on their mini vacation anniversary.

It all depends on what the parents what/what the kids can afford to give. It must be voted on by ALL the kids.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

This is a tough situation you and your husband are in. I would suggest you contact all of the sibblings, wether it be by phone or conference through yahoo instant messenger. I would suggest you all talk about what the total cost of this will be and split it down the middle. This of course will be up to each of your in-laws children (like your husband and his sisters/brothers) and their spouces or signaficant other. It also depends on everyones financial situation and if they can afford to pay their part.

What I would do If I were you, put your foot down and make the rest of the sibilings have that sit down talk. Someone has to come up with the entire prices of everything that will be needed for your in-laws 50th anniversary. I know the 50th year anniversary is a special time in those two's lives.

Talk to your husband and see what he thinks about everyone sitting down to have a discussion. If everyone agrees, then its time to start the planning before its too late. Its best to get everything scheduled and planned early (way before their anniversary) so everything goes well.

I hope this helps :-)

Answer 3

Ussually the kids do pay for it, I worked for a florist and we did lots of anniversary parties and the kids always did it. However, they were always more organized and clued in about things. Maybe you should set a limit you will contribute to this party and say "hey sis in law, this is what we can afford considering how much we have spent on the first plan and our son's wedding, so this is what we will give to you. Please don't ask for a greater contribution...If you can't stay within this kind of budget, then you will need to make up the rest. I would have loved to contribute more, but considering all other circumstances, this is what I'm left to give." Maybe u can reword that, but I don't see it being ok for ya'll to have to dish out a couple grand if your not gonna get any say it what its spent on! Good luck with all this!

Answer 4

Well if it stays at a price of $600, that's a far cry from 8 to 10 Thousand. You husband will always be happy his parents lived to have a 50th anniversary. I sure was with my parents. There were 4 siblings in our family and we all split the costs of a church party. I will forever love the memories of it and wish my parents had lived to the 60th. I look at it as how much they spent time and money wise on us until we left home, what a celebration cost us was nothing compared to the amount spent on us as kids.
As far as your trip to Florida already planned....take it and have fun. Maybe see Disney World.

Answer 5

I would think that the parents would pay unless the kids offered to chip in and help. Parents certainly shouldn't expect or ask the kids to pay and if the kids offer and the parents turn them down - no one should be offended. Every family is different on these kids of things. Some couples would be offended at the though of their kids throwing them a party at all!

Answer 6

I think you should definitely help pay for it, but the fact that you have no imput into these things, your opinion is never asked in planning them is rude. I would nicely say, "Next time, we'd love to be included in the planning." Or something to that effect. That's a nice way of telling them they leave you out all the time and you don't like it. Good luck. I know exactly how you feel. My sister was the same way. Always planning our family things with my brother, then calling me up and telling me as if we were an afterthought.

Answer 7

It's one thing for the siblings to get together and throw a bash for their parents. It's another for the parents to demand that the kids throw them a party. A bit rude in my opinion.
The siblings should get together and see how much each can pitch in and then only throw a party for that amount.

You should not be expected, nor should it be assumed, that you will pay for any of it. But in the name of sibling peace, you should offer to contribute. But let them know right off the start that you can only contribute $X amount and that they need to be satisfied with that. You don't want them to come down three months down the road and split the bill evenly thinking you could pitch in more than you can.

Answer 8

You should all pitch in and have the party. However, I would e-mail the sister in law and tell her "I think the party for Mom and Dad is a wonderful idea. Tom and I have talked and we can afford this much $$ to contribute. If you need any help, please give me a call." That way you are not stuck with an outrageous bill at the end of the night.

Answer 9

Usually the kids split the cost. I guess you or your husband needs to call his parents and find out for sure. It wouldn't be fair to you sister in law to always be left in charge. I know these things can be a pain, but I guess you have to look at it in a positive way. It's the "thought" that counts!! Have fun!!

Answer 10

You should be proud to pay for there anaversary.
I mean they have put up with everything that the kids did for Fifty years.
I wish that I could have payed for my parents fiftyth party instead I helped burry my father just five months before there fiftyth