This is very personal. I was raped 8 months ago. I swore it off and kept going with my life...i didn't date anybody. I just recently fell hard for this guy and he fell for me but things happened really fast and now he's not into me because he is so busy with 3 jobs and work. I was so hurt by that that I am thinking about getting into a relationship with a girl. I don't know where to start with the girl thing but i would like to give it a try. I think that i am swearing off guys for life. Help me.
2006-11-12 15:24:59 · 27 answers · asked by krayz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
don't judge all guys by the actions of a few. Believe me, there are good guys left out there.
2006-11-12 15:26:53 · answer #1 · answered by jperk1941 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't an anti-gay message or anything - just some advice from someone who has been there. I was raped 8 years ago and I am now happily married with a little girl. People are people, male or female. What you need to find is someone you can trust and build a relationship with - this isn't easy no matter who you are (man or woman).
Be strong and keep on the life path that you would have pursued if you hadn't been raped. This is the best (though hard) thing you can do for yourself - otherwise the person who raped you not only controlled you for that moment in time, but will continue to control you forever.
Good luck.
2006-11-12 15:30:41 · answer #2 · answered by Heather L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you end up doing, whether with guys or girls, just try to make a point of taking things slowly so you don't fall so hard. Just get to know someone, go OUT and get to know each other instead of hanging out at each other's house (where "one thing leads to another")
You would be wise to consider therapy, or at least some journaling. There are support groups out there that you might find helpful in coming to terms with the rape. You can't just block it out, there are issues you'll really need to deal with in order to fully move on.
I am bi, my last serious relationship was with a woman, after that ended I swore off dating altogether for a while, that was a little over a year ago. Now I am dating again and this guy seems to be everything I could ever ask for in one person, but because I know my tendency to fall hard/fast, I'm making a point of taking it slow and so far it's all good. But in order to have a good relationship, you have to take care of yourself first and foremost.
2006-11-12 15:35:57 · answer #3 · answered by zmj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen, I'm really sorry that a guy raped you and that some guy just blew you off or whatever he did but don't give up on guys.. God created you to like men not girls, girls can't do anything for you since you are in fact a girl.. don't you want your own kids, don't you want you parents to have grandchildren through you and even if you have other siblings believe me they want grandchildren from all of you.. I believe being a girl is the best thing in the world because you get to be pregnant and have children.. I suggest forgiving the guy and moving on although I've never been raped I've heard from stories that it is horrible, but please don't pursue your gay thoughts trust me. And try to read the bible God has lots of advice in there :) Try other guys I'm sure you'll find one..
2006-11-12 15:39:26 · answer #4 · answered by godsgirl200718 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey don't swear guys off for life, you're missing out on how wonderful a relationship can be, but I would strongly suggest that you get help concerning you being raped. Don't just swear it off because it will affect your relationships later in life, as well as the one you currently have, and it will get worse as time goes on. The sooner you deal with this, the better. You probably need to talk to this guy that you are with, so you two are on better footing with one another and can see how you can help one another.
2006-11-12 15:55:57 · answer #5 · answered by P3ngu1n_Guy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The effects of rape can be physical, psychological, or both. While physical consequences often include injuries which can be healed over time. Several kinds of psychological results may be experienced over both the short and long term. Rape victims often undergo painful social difficulties. You may need some time to heal.
Self blame is the serious barrier to healing because feeling shame, which is a stigma within the self, produces more negative psychological effects than feeling guilt due to previous actions.
I think you will benefit from counseling for the rape victims. There are readily available try to find one in your community.
2006-11-12 15:36:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about what happened to you. I think you should go and talk to a rape crisis counselor and sort things out. I think that would be better than converting to lesbianism. Personally, I hate it when girls become lesbian or bisexual because "men are such assholes", or "they had bad experiences". It kind of makes, the "real" lesbians look bad. Assuming that there are real lesbians and lesbianism doesn't just happen after having tons of sexual assaults.
Sorry about my rant, I do feel like you are just having some common feelings that rape victims feel and you just need some time away from dating.
2006-11-12 15:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all,im sorry about what happened to you.i understand how you feel.i was in a situation were i almost got raped too.lucky nothing happened,anyways,dont rush to make any decision.if you wanna try to be with a girl,well,that's something only you can decide.but just know something,there're lots of good guys out there,and if you give it some time,you will meet the right one for you,someone who's gonna love you and acept you the way you are without caring about your past.i know it must be hard to forget,but try to not let that afect you and your personal life.
good luck girl!
2006-11-12 16:33:20 · answer #8 · answered by pinky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't let one bad experience ruin your life dont give the rapist that. I know it must hurt so much and I can't even imagine what you are going through but there is a really sweet guy out there who will treat you right. Think of it this way if you loved one type of food say icecream and then experience one really bad lot of it would you never try it again? or would you go back because you knew there were still good ones out there?
2006-11-12 15:36:19 · answer #9 · answered by lil 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with having feelings of bisexualism, but I think that you need to get counseling to get over your bad experience with 1 man. Not all guys are bad and one bad apple really doesn't spoil the whole bunch!
Your feelings for this girl are not wrong, but I think that you may have perhaps projected your feelings of attraction onto females instead of men because it feels safer and because of your distrust. If you feel that you may be doing this I believe counseling may help you. If what you feel for this girl is the real thing then go for it and don't feel guilty. Maybe you really do need to take a break from men for a while.
2006-11-12 15:32:59 · answer #10 · answered by moonsmagicdust 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What will happen if you fall hard for a girl, but she ends up being too busy just like the guy? Explore your sexuality, but don't swear off men. Girls can be just as disappointing.
2006-11-12 15:31:08 · answer #11 · answered by rlspeir 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋