coping with a loved ones suicide......please help!!!!?

Question

I just found out this week that my aunt committed suicide last Saturday night. Some times i think that i am ok but then all of the sudden it hits me and i start crying uncontrolable. How do you cope with this? We were really close. Im 21 now and have lived with her from the time i was 15 till i was 18. She cared about me when my parents abandoned me. I was unable to attend her funeral b/c i just moved to another state and didnt have the money to go home. I didnt ever have a chance to say goodbye. I never thought that anything like THIS would happen. she has been terminally ill for some time with HEP C. I could have been ok with it if she died from that but for her die by her own hand is tearing me apart. A part of me is angry with her for not thinking about all the ppl who care about her. Then the other part of me is so sad b/c i know i'll never see her again. How do i deal with this? Please help I've never been this down in my life about losing someone to death.

since i moved away from her home she has lived alone.she had money problems trying to pay the bills (i worked from the time i moved in with her at 15 2 help out) she had several other diseases including mental ones.the night this happened she took 35 ambians then called her mother 2 tell her where she wanted to be buried and how she wanted her arrangements.her mother thought that it was another 1 of her "stunts" that she has pulled before. i always took her seriously, i knew what she was capible of.she was isolated.No car, no one to really visit, we kept in touch by phone and email.she had just been dianosed with naralepsy.(think i spelled it wrong) but her insurance wouldnt pay for therpey or meds to treat it b/c of all the other diseases.when she got hep c her life went down.I lived with her then and she always seemed depressed when i would leave and glow when i came home from school.we did everything together. she was my "granny" but i feel like she was my mommy.i miss her so much

Answer 1

You poor baby...I cried with you when I read what you wrote. I am so sorry you have lost someone you loved so much. You are going to have to go through the grief process which you are already doing. It is very normal to be so sad and crying and then be mad the next minute because she took her own life and left you. That is a very healthy reaction so don't worry that you are not ok. It would really help you to talk to someone like in a support group. Try calling a mental health center or hospice and see if there is one near you. It just helps to be with people who know what you are going through. Also, if you believe in God it is comforting to go to a church even if you are not a member and just pray and be with other people who care. The way you feel will not go away really quick but it will get better after awhile. Keep talking to people on here too. Email me if you would like to talk to someone. I will pray that the angels will put their arms around you tonight.

Answer 2

She was terminally ill so I assume she was both in physical and emotional pain? Day in and day out she probably sat and thought about how her life was going to end with hep c. I'm sure she researched it to the end, looking for a more humane way to die. I assume she was taking meds for it? What about therapy, did she do this or was she just going through the process. I have to feel for her as I do the survivors but I can't say that if I new I was dieing that I too would wait for the cause to end things. I am sure she thought about all the loved ones left behind, you especially. I'm sure she weighed the sides of living with this pain and keeping all her loved ones happy TO ending her pain and suffering and Hoping that her loved ones would be able to see her at peace! I too have dealt with losing a loved to suicide and I was angry as heck and didn't understand why he did this to me, too anyone but then I also realized that he was the one who was in pain, he was the one who saw no other way, he is the one who suffered, he is the one who died. I lived and I hated having to live with such a loss but I was ok, he wasn't. I can be angry with him or I can remember our lives together and try to understand the why. He did not do this to hurt me, nor do I think your aunt did this to hurt you, they both wanted/needed something else, Peace! Your aunt was a kinda hero to you by taking you in, remember this and still think of her as a hero, she loved you unconditionally and you should give her the same respect. She loved you and you remember this, remember everything. My friend will always be alive with-in me, keep your aunt alive in you!

Answer 3

You have to except her death first of all. It is always so sad when someone falls away, but she really is still there in spirit. Maybe she was in pain from her illness and she felt the need to stop the pain. I dont know. I would save up some money and go visit her gravesite. It would help you get some closure and feel like you could tell her goodbye and that you loved her. Please just dont feel angry with her, her pain (emotional or physical) was so powerful she probably only did what she did to make it stop.

Answer 4

I have been writing back and forth to some friends who have just lost 2 daughters. One 27, from a drug over-dose, and the other, 39, from what now seems like questionable circumstances and a drunken, abusive husband...

There are mysteries and questions we will have about this life and the consequences of it, until the day we ourselves are taken away...

This couple is coping with the help of their faith and the fact that as long as we have a memory, as long as we choose to dwell on the good about a person and not the bad. As long as we will make celebrating their life and not their passing, the focul point of our day. We ease a lot of otherwise unbearable pain...

When you left her home, you said goodbye. No matter where you are. She is no further away from your heart now, than she was then.... God Bless...

Answer 5

It is very hard to deal with a loved one committing suicide. There is no magic words to say to you. Only time will heal those wounds. You will never forget her and that is a good thing. But with time, it will not hurt as much. The best thing to do is to talk about it. Find anyone you can to talk with; a friend, teacher, counselor, etc. Talking about your feelings will let you get them out and deal with them. Don't try to hide behind them, that simply won't work. I recently had a friend who killed himself. It was very hard to get through. I still miss him and sometimes it's hard to believe it really happened, but I know that it did. I have had another friend do it as well. It's really hard for the ones left behind. Just do the best that you can do and keep going on with your life. Do something to memorialize her; write a story, poem, plant a flower for her. It sounds corny, but it helps some people. Good luck.

Answer 6

'sNot everyone answer will help you, take the one that does. I can only share my experience.

My Uncle took his own life in 1985. He and my Aunt moved to our property ten years prior to live out their old age. They were very close to my mom and dad. My aunt died. My uncle was so ridden with grief and unable to care for himself that on Christmas Day he shot himself. He waited until my mother was on a plane to San Diego to see me, my father had planned on taking a later flight because of a storm. My father found him, cleaned up the mess, made all the arrangements, spent the vacation visiting me with mom, and right before they got back on the plane, he shared the situation. We all grieved but realized he was ready to go. He was not in distress, he made a choice.

Sometimes choosing the way out is more dignified than letting the nurses and doctors seeing to your death.

As far as saying goodbye, she wanted you to remember her how she was. She did not want you to remember her sick and dying. Keep that in mind. You will suffer a loss, but as time goes by it will be less painful.

Answer 7

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Try writing a letter to get out what you are feeling, but it's going to take time. Each day you will grow stronger, maybe you'll have to write several letters. Talking out loud isn't bad either. If you find you have aggression behind this/with this take a kickboxing class, dancing, aerobics, something to release build up energy. May God comfort you in this time.

Answer 8

Dear Abby or Dear Margo just did a thing about this... They posted the below website as a resource for groups that help people dealing with the loss of a loved one due to suicide... Please, find someone to talk to hun, this is more than any one person should bare alone.

http://www.suicidology.org/index.cfm

Answer 9

I am really sorry to hear about your loss sweety. Its unfortunate that this has happened to you. and more heart ache will some to you as you learn to cope and deal with this loss. My suggestion.
Cry, Cry, Cry. and let it all out.
and pray.
Ask God to help you cope and deal and heal.
I know that in most cases of family sucide, there is a lot of bame on oneself. I hope that you realize that you aren't at fault and blame. I am sure that your aunt loved you as much as you loved her.

Answer 10

I may be able to just be a friend to listen or more SORRY to heard of your bad news but the more info. I can give you but not here email me. I feel you'd want to be more private about dealing with this.