I found out my g/f has cheated on me but she doesn't know... What should I do?

Question

I recently discovered my g/f of a year has cheated on me with someone she met online. I found out by snooping in her email and im histories. Before she actually did anything, that I know of, I had suspicions and was looking at them and she caught me. She knows I have trust issues from prior relationships. She was upset I was snooping and I told her I wouldn't do it again, but I did and found pretty much a confession of sex with this other guy. That was about 5 days ago... I haven't said anything to her about it hoping that she would confess. I do my best to treat her like I know nothing about it but I can see she is getting an idea that something is wrong. So how should I go about confronting the issue? Should I ask the guy that I've never talked to whats going on between them, confront her directly or hold out and hope she has a conscience and craks?

Answer 1

you both need to get out of that relationship, for the simple reason that you have lost your trust in her already. you don't deserve to have a gf that cheats on you and she doesn't deserve a bf that snoops on her stuff behind her back. it doesn't really matter whether she really cheated or not: what you got is like stolen evidence - it's bound to be inadmissible in court. if it reaches a point that you pretend everythings okay when deep inside your judging her for cheating, time to move on.

Answer 2

Well,i think there is nothing wrong with snooping if you are in a relationship with that person. I feel like two people who are together as one should have nothing to hide from one another and i don't consider it snooping its just being curious about your significant other. But if i was you i would not confront the guy because you are not involved with him so he owes you no explanation. Play the game with your g/f like there is nothing wrong for a couple more days. That way if she doesn't crack you know she is untrustworthy and she will lie to you in the future. Or if you just cant take it any more confront her because she was wrong and she has no reason to have done what she did.

Answer 3

i've been in your situation before, lots of times

i would steer clear of telling her how you got the information or having any long discussions about anything. in my heart of hearts i'd want to know why? and what is it about me that made you do that? and all sorts of other questions.

what it has to boil down to is:

are you willing to keep her cheating self? is she good enough for you despite that behaviour? can you forgive and ignore?

or do you need to go? if what she's done has spoilt everything and there's no future there, then you need to move on.

it won't help you in the long or short term to have her find out how you found out that information. i'd just break up with her sweetly, with minimal conversation. let your eyes do the talking, if you say "i have a feeling you're cheating on me" it's a thing she can latch onto and attack, if you tell her how you found out, she'll have something to say, if you say nothing or if you tell her that she's free to see anyone she likes, at least she'll think "!" or whatever but the moral ground is still yours.

i would leave her with as few words said as possible because the silence would be more powerful for you than anything else you could say.

Answer 4

So what if she does crack and end up confessing? Is that going to justify her actions? Of course not. If she had a conscience, she wouldn't have cheated in the first place! Drop her like a hot potato. Then get some help for your trust issues before persuing another relationship. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

When dealing with the heart it is a very touchy subject. When I had suspicions of my ex husband cheating on me, I let it ride until I actually had proof. We had been out with friends and the girl I had thought he was cheating on me with actually reached in his pants right in front of me, they were both drunk but that is no excuse. I then confronted him about it and he flat out denied it. I tried to just let it go but it just ate at me and eventually we ended up getting divorced. They got married and she ended up cheating on him and getting pregnant by some other guy. Knowing how badly it hurt me that he cheated on me he gave his new wife another chance.

You can either let it eat at you and your trust totally deteriorate or you can confront her about it. Let her know that you have went back on your word about looking into her email sure it may cause a break up but if she is cheating on you with this other guy then it would cause a breakup anyway. You are entitled to know if the woman you are sleeping with is sleeping with someone else.

Another thing you could do is be so super sweet to her buy her flowers, things you may not have ever done before and she just may get a conscience and tell you everything. Either way you are bound to get your heart broke. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

There will always be the hope that maybe she will confess but you know deep down she doesn't ever want you to find out because she knows she will screw up any chance of being with you.
I found out the exact same way my partner cheated on me, she never slept with anyone but she did kiss them which is good enough as cheating, i too have alwasy had trust issue's and i was always snooping although it was wrong i will admit that i am glad because i would never of found out and in a way i am glad i found because if it came out later it would of hurt more.
I confronted my partner and she admitted to it which really hurt but we are both glad it happened that way which meant we could both move on from it and become stronger.
I still have my worries but doesn't everybody?
Ask her out straight if she has slept with anybody since you two have been together and see if admits it or denies it but from the look or expression she gives you she admits it.
What would you do in her shoe's if she found out that you had slept with someone else, would you be upfront and honest with her or just wait till she found out for herself or would you keep it a secret?

Answer 7

First rule of a relationship: someone is going to cheat, it's inevitable; it's nature.

2nd rule: It's not your fault or anything about you==it's about her.

3rd rule: Think positive

And now the best part, use this to your advantage and start talking to her about "swinging"! Cause right now, that's what she's doing, only without you. So, if she truly cares about you and you her...time to communicate and lay the "true" feelings on the table...times, they are a changing and sometimes ya just gotta go with the flow and both parties must understand what each wants out of their relationship. And if it's going to be one-sided....BUD, better to know now and cut your losses and get out.

Good luck but, remember...once a thief always a thief...know the playing field and the "rules" before you challenge the competitor.

May the force be with you on this one...

Sincerely,

BS from Canada

Answer 8

You solve nothing by talking to that guy. He doesn't know you, maybe he doesn't even know she even has a boyfriend. Your problem is with her, she's the one that betrayed your trust. Confront her and then leave her, she's not worth your time & trouble (besides, I don't think you'll ever be able to trust her again). There are a lot of nice girls out there, I'm convinced you'll find someone else and forget all about her.
Good luck!

Answer 9

Well... I would confront her about it! Even though it's snooping, at least you know and you found out. There's nothing worst than looking like a fool. At least you know about it. Tell her that you know. Or play a game................. tell her to go see a physic with you.. maybe that will make her come upfront about things. But don't make it seem like you don't trust her.. just play it off like you want to see what's in the future with the both of you.

I think imma bout to this with my man...

Answer 10

it's time to stop holding it in. tell her that you know what she's been doing, end the relationship, and move on. what she's doing is terrible and you deserve better than that. don't try and contact the guy she's cheating with, he may not even know she has a boyfriend, and it's not between you and him, it's between you and her. and the faster you can get out of this relationship the better off you're going to be. I'm really sorry about what's happened, but for the sake of keeping your sanity, tell her.