Bad Behavior vs. Bad Habits?

Question

My husband and I have been talking about this subject.

My son (9mo) will come up to us if we are eating in the living room and literally beg for food--crying, screaming, standing right next to us, and reaching out for our food. He will do anything to get a taste of some good food. While it's cute now--I know it won't be cute when he's two. I feel this is a habit we need to break now whereas my husband feels we should continue meeting his demand for food.

Do you feel reinforcing bad behavior causes bad habits which later will be harder to break?

I suggested to my husband we should give him something to eat whenever we sit down for lunch or a snack in the living room and then ignore him if he begs. Do you think that would be a better idea for this or am I over-reacting?

We have had to break bad habits before and I certainly don't want to do that again!

It's the weirdest thing--he does just come up stands next to us. When we acknowledge he is there and don't give him food--he just starts crying even if he ate three minutes before. I feel he's doing it because he wants something new and not because he's hungry.

We eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day together at the table. We've done this since day one. When we are in the living room we are having snacks or just a sandwich--we have a lot of structure.

I tried to make it clear it was just snacks when he begged. He always has dinner with us.

Answer 1

My daughter is 2, and she has always done the same thing. Yes, she will come up to me if I am eating something in the living room, even if she just ate. I don't think it's really a bad behavior or a bad habit, it's just more curiosity and naturally wanting what someone else has that they don't. I've come to realize that unless I'm willing to share whatever I'm eating, I don't eat it in front of her. You do a lot of quick snacking at the kitchen counter while they are playing in the living room that way, but it saves the headaches of your child whining for your food, especially when it's something you don't really want them to have.

I think the best solution is to either snack on something when he's not paying attention, or when he is taking a nap. If you don't want to do that, then yes, maybe save a snack for him to have when you have yours, or snack on something you can share with him to make him feel included. It's not a demand for food, it's just what kids do. At my daughter's age, they want anything you have, and always want to be doing what you are. So it is natural. You just have to work around it for now.

Answer 2

At 9 months of age, the child is still forming bonds and emotional attachments including trust...... as well as exploring the world...... Don't eat in front of the child unless the child is included.... thats not fair and you don't want to leave him out. Why would he have to beg anyway...... reinforcing bad behavior does form patterns but this is good food (sign of the kids intelligence, use of innate survival mechanisms) and a need for reassuredness that you will respond. Unless of course the child is overweight and eats All the time, then this could be a medical condition.....but relax and live a little. Enjoy the fact the child will assert what he wants to get his needs and wants met. Don't break the spirit........Toddlers will leave their own plates full just to eat from yours and love the attention.....they want to be just like you!!!!!!!!! Its okay.........

Answer 3

I believe in structure. I believe that children are comfortable when they know the rules and can depend on you to enforce them the same every time. With both parents in agreement. If you don't agree then you need to discuss it when the child is not around.

Bad eating habits can create an over weight child. It would be better if you fed your child at the table. It would be better if you two ate at the table as well. Make it a family event. Dinner with out TV. That would resolve the problem.

You don't eat off your husbands plate and your husband doesn't eat off yours and your child should not eat off either of your plates. He can have a plate of his own.

Might as well start off with proper habits then the child doesn't have to re-learn what is expected later. Like when he goes to grandma's or friends. You want to be proud of your children and they do reflect your skills as a parent. So naturally when they are good and people comment on them you are proud. You don't feel good when you go somewhere and your child embarrasses you.

Answer 4

I feel it is never ok to reward bad behavior. After making lots of mistakes with my son. and swore when he was 3 he would be in reform school by 8, then I learned a different approach. I raised my child using "Positive reinforcement" and today he is a responsible adult, attending college and working toward a better future. There is a book on the method, but I don't remember the title. Check the library

Answer 5

your son just wants what you have, he will continue doing this as he gets older it is natural. wanting food that you are eating is not a bad habit just curiousity and he wants to be included. if you want a snack to yourself do it when he is napping. but otherwise share and cuddle with him and make him feel loved and secure.

Answer 6

Since he's only 9 mos, he probably can't ask you with language yet. (You could teach him sign language!) If you want to avoid having him beg, be sure to offer him something up front. Surely he isn't crying and screaming from the start....he works up to that I would imagine.

Answer 7

while i would'nt encourage bad behavior i think 9months is a bit early for them to realize whats apropriate behavior and whats not.But the sooner you teach them good manners the better , but don't get bent out of shape behind it.

Answer 8

y dont u give him a plate for himself if he wants it i say give it to him