How do you find/make meaningful ground and connections with someone new? Is it appropriate?

Question

I've been out of the social scene for a while for school, work, etc., and last I was there it was in High School.

While never a "player," I was very popular as a fun and great guy to be with, always willing to "drop the game" for some meaningful conversation or just be with for a while.

Now that I've hit my 20s, college is letting me breathe a little and I'm realizing that I'm still attracting a lot of attention.

My issue? I see the "rules" have changed a lot.

High School made it easy to complain about parents, the pains of life and have a good time laughing it all away and being sincere with someone you liked.

Now that I'm out, I find that girls spend a good amount of time with me but conversations get a bit awkward and a lot of times drop. That they don't just leave right there is odd-because they like me, I know-so I'd like to know what I can do.
I just want to hear what people think; is making/looking for a deep, open connection with a girl wrong when you're older?

Seeing my first two responses I guess I needed to add something: that deep connection was something that was completely normal to me and the girls at school. It's a big part of "why they chose me." Their words.

So while people can have fun with surface stuff, it's craziest and most fun for me when that connection is there.
It's what I'm used to, that's all.

And trust me, I've been a rebel all my life with an electric violin plugged hard into my arteries and a skateboard for my feet.
I know crazy good times with my g/f's. I just want to know how to keep it going in my later years.

Thanks!

Answer 1

There's nothing wrong at all with silence in a conversation; in fact, I find it preferable to meaningless, silence-filling phatic noise. ("Phatic": good word; look it up because it truly describes elements of your sitch.) To keep a convo going, be a genuinely interested audience. This could be challenging if the one talking is prattling on about something in which you have no interest, but I suspect that's not the case in aborning relationships. And it's absolutely OK to re-direct a stalling conversation by changing subject; just do it with tact and charm. Your communication skills, which are apparent in your query, will serve you well. As for being out of practice, dude, we all are. As the so-called rules change (which they do continuously), it's either adapt or avoid. The fact that you're seeking suggestions speaks volumes: You're wanting to participate and not merely be a passive observer. Take risks -- safe ones, OK? And try not to let less than desirable results devastate you. Have patience and kindness for yourself, the same as you do for your friend(s).

Answer 2

NOO! Of course not. Its all about the connection that makes us want to come back for more. But that kind of connection that doesn't have to be sooo deep. Date. Do something fun and crazy. Just cause you're "older" doesn't mean you have to stop having fun.

Answer 3

from what i can see you have to stopped pretending that connections are like they show it in movies,,haha, the only connection you need is to get along and like her.. then date her.
and have fun....