I am hurt because i came to the realization that my boyfriend along with all the other men in the world look at other women even when they have girlfriends. I understand the whole "men have to spread their seed" but it really breaks my heart to realize this.He loves me alot and we have been going out for three years but I still can't get over this fact expecially when we can't even watch tv without some girl wearing hardly anything showing up on tv. I don't want him ever thinking about any other women than me and I can't stop feeling upset about this situation. I got mad at him about some music video, and he said "well i am a guy i am going to look at a girl who is wearing lingeray i am visual".
I just can't deal with this fact of life that any boyfriend i have is going to at least once a day notice other women, what can i do to deal with the harsh reality of life that i have been avoiding?
2006-11-12 14:27:38 · 19 answers · asked by Janeystar23 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Here is the deal. If you are confronted with an attractive man who makes you laugh and flirts with you, you will start to respond to him - you cannot help attraction.
There is nothing inherently more moral about women than men.
2006-11-12 14:30:54 · answer #1 · answered by Pastor Sauce 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You need to read some books on men and women. It's natural for either of us to use our paradigm as a basis of assessing the other sex - only problem is that it does not work.
I'd suggest you read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge and "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. You'll find that at the heart of every woman is a girl wanting to be adored and found alluring by men. You get hurt because he looks at another woman, and you feel like you've fallen short. You haven't fallen short. You just haven't found out what a man is all about.
Men could generally care less about being captivating or alluring. If you try to imagine such a scenario, it would be really queer. Men do not feel this way at all. Guys are wired to be physically thrilled by attractive women. And that's a good thing. The way a lot of women behave, the human race would be doomed if men didn't find women attractive.
Yet men's desire is completely different than women's. We do not think of women first. Men desire to achieve and to make an impact on the world in some fashion. They will NEVER think like women do. You need to understand men and then decide that the way men are created is different but OKAY. Also, men have an incredible ability to overlook the shortcomings in women. As you learn about men and women, you'll be thankful that men have this ability. Women are far more difficult than men.
2006-11-12 22:44:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes I feel the same way but I realise that everyone has had thoughts of being with or admiring another person. When you see a cute guy, do you look away and curse him or do you admire him? Its the same for guys, they are not gonna look away. The most important thing is to not act jealous because your boyfriend will think that you are insecure. However, if he overdoes things such as flirting in your presence and doesnt respect you then Im sure you will know he's not right for you.
2006-11-12 22:35:51 · answer #3 · answered by ShellyBelly 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are women in the world. Some of them have to interact with your man. You've totally got to accept this. You have to shed this insecurity you have -- you will feel so much better! Just realize (and repeat this to yourself as often as you need to), just realize that he's with YOU, not them, and that he doesn't even know most of the women in the world, on tv or where ever.
2006-11-12 22:34:22 · answer #4 · answered by Shibi 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girls do that too. Guys are just more obvious.
So you're saying you would never show interest to any other guys than your boyfriend? If you want your boyfriend to be like that then you have to also. Otherwise you're just being selfish and not being fare to your boyfriend.
No one can look at the same person forever. He should be able to meet with anyone, guys or girls.
No one wants their life to be restricted.
2006-11-13 16:02:56 · answer #5 · answered by cruel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is not much u can do love im in the same boat my boyfriend an i hav been together for ova a year he wuld neva eva cheat but why do they look i get shitty about movies ppl tv shows he checks everychick out make sure that u stop getting angry at him about it b coz it will cause arguments u have to think how hot u are and he must love u alot tell him u hate it but other that that dont mull over just stop thinkin about it ok an chill out some girls out there dont care just dont take notice an if he does do it just be like "i dont care im hot as an i could get anyone' just memba that k
2006-11-12 22:34:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sorry darlin it sounds like you have self-esteem issues. It is normal for men to gawk at beautiful women in videos and on tv. Is he breaking his neck in real life when he's with you?? Now that IS a problem and its disrespectful. There's nothing wrong with looking once, but if they do a double-take- shame on them!
2006-11-12 22:31:15 · answer #7 · answered by Gucci Girlie 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He is telling the truth that men are visual. A great book to read on this topic and will help you understand is called...
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. There is also a companion book for your guy called For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. I highly recommend them. Hope they help.
http://www.amazon.com/Women-Only-about-Inner-Lives/dp/1590523172/sr=8-1/qid=1163388750/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-7861698-7223300?ie=UTF8&s=books
2006-11-12 22:34:05 · answer #8 · answered by pinkee 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I believe that this problem is not him... Its you. I believe that you're jealous. As long as he's not doing anything wrong, such as having a relationship with another person and not disrespect you. Then its ok. Is it bad for you to look another HOT guy on TV or on the street?
2006-11-12 22:32:23 · answer #9 · answered by From a friend. 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
im sorry that you are upset. dont you look at other guys? who cares if he stares at a girl on tv, he'll never have her. liek you said he loves you alot and you guys have been dating for so long! ive been with my boyfirned for 2 years. he looks at other girls, i dont mind cause he knows if he touches them he;s out! lol and when we watch movies and a topless girl comes on he raises his eye brows and goes MMMM but thers nthing to wrry about. he even watches porn sometimes! . i dont mind cause he will never be with these women on tv. sometimes he loks at girls butts and goes "eww she has a bubble butt, or haha she has a butt liek you" its sort of amusing to me in a way caus ei dont mind and go along with it. just calm down and dnt worry! he's not going to do anythig. its human nature to be attracted to other people! and to look theres a saying "if he's not looking at other women, then he's not looking at you!" which in terms means he bored, or whatever.
please vheer up. has he ever givien you a reason for you not to trust him? if not then trust him he will not do anything to hurt your feelings. ust give hi a break. its not liek he;s trying to look for someone else since you love eachother so much.
feel better you have nothing to worry about! =)
and yes men are very very visual!
and you arent avoiding a harsh reality of life. im sure you look at guys while your boyfirned is away. liek while your at work or school or something. its human nature.
2006-11-12 22:35:03 · answer #10 · answered by laa dee da 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋