Do you think it is ok for a mother to put her 16 year old son out?

Question

I ask because my sister just put her 16 year old son out, he dropped out of school, and smokes ALL day. She tried everything, finally she said if you're grown then be grown!!

I'm kinda confused though I agree with what she meant, but I couldn't imagine it being one of my kids.

What do you think...no smart answers puh...lease

Wow... these are some great stories and opinions...I will have to let her see this...BTW, I am about to drive and look for him now!! Thanks!!

Answer 1

When is enough enough? My mom put my older brother out at 16. He had stolen the family car for the 3rd time and wrecked it for the 2nd. He smoked pot, skipped school and finally got expelled. Tried to kill me by shooting a target practice arrow at me (I was 8) and it hit me in the chest. (Fortunately it was from quite a distance and bounced off my breast bone. I still bear a scar to this day) Arrested I don't even know how many times for petty theft and assault. Spent time (6 months) in Juvenile detention. NO amount of tough love, counseling (private & family), or understanding helped.

What is a mother to do? It was either she throw him out and save her own sanity or kill him. When she finally threw him out I was 10, and I remember thinking how quiet it was around the house. My brother being removed from the family household was the best thing that ever happened to my childhood.

About my brother: He stayed with a sympathetic family down the road and was just as nasty to them until they threw him out. By then he was old enough to join the Navy with his GED and Mom's signature. He got thrown out of the Navy with a less than honorable discharge and then took up with a young lady. He eventually married her and then it eventually fell apart (drugs/alcholol). Later he went into prision for 7 yrs. and it was the best thing that ever happend to him. He finally stoped and took a good look at where and what was happening in his life. When he got out he was a COMPLETELY different person. I am proud of my brother now; he is a decent human being now.

edit - To all the ppl who are correct in saying that social services will come and try to make you take your child back. They came and threatened my Mother with jail time if she didn't take him back in to her home. She put out her wrists and said, "Lets go." They backed down.

Answer 2

Although I do not agree with what your sister is doing,it is called tough love.She is hoping by showing him the door he will change his ways and grow up, which sometimes, can do more harm than good.But not in my case.

My mom showed me some tough love and do you know what I did? I joined the Armed Forces and grew from a 18 year old punk(yes I will admit it) into a man very quickly.

Tough love is hard to accept and hurts both the parents and the
child.But sometimes it is the only solution.

By the way my mom and I now have a very close and loving relationship as I have thanked her for showing me the way. I grew up without a father he left me when I was 3.

Answer 3

Legally, she's responsible for him until he's 18 and she could get in a lot of trouble with the authorities. Is his father around? Please tell her to rethink her decision. A mother's job is to take care of her children, not throw them out. My brother was a lot worse, he went to 6 different schools in high school and did drugs. My dad was out of the picture, and every boy needs a father. My brother is now dead. As I sit here and cry by being reminded of my brother's past, I ask you to tell your sister to rethink her decision. The idea is not let them go, the idea is to not ever give up on them. Once they realize that no one cares, they soon give up on life, please don't let that happen with him. There is always hope. The worst thing of all is losing a son. I've seen both of my parents suffer because they didn't make the right decisions with him. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

If he thinks he's grown up then put him out into the real world where he has to do everything for himself. This means getting a job and finding a place to live and even if that works out he has to learn to pay his bills, do his own washing and housework and cook for himself. He'll soon realise just how easy he had it at home and if he decides to go back to school and move back home then he might appreciate his mum and what she does for him.

Answer 5

Without knowing the rest of the story...I'm betting that when mom said she's "done" then there is MUCH MORE to this story than what you've stated here. Knowing of similar situations of this type of behavior I would say your sister needs your suppost now more than ever. She's done one of the hardest things a mother would have to do besides bury him and maybe that is exactly what she is trying to prevent with this "shock therapy"
I commend he courage to stand up for herself and in what she is doing she is really standing up for her son!
My prayers to all three of you !
Stac

Answer 6

i went through the same situation my son is now 18 i threw him out because he would not attend school or abide by the rules after four months of being on his own he realizes he can't make it on his own it is much harder being grown with no job and nowhere to go he now respects my rules and follows cerfew

Answer 7

technically unless he has been declared by the courts to be independent, she still has to support/provide for him. In your sister's situation, I understand her putting him out, because she's had enough of his disrespect. I think she should possibly look into a program that might be able to help him.

Answer 8

I have to say I don't think it was the best thing to do.

I think, he needs a lot of help...and she too...needs to know, there are other ways around each problem.
I understand, been there with 16yr olds being very hard to handle.
But...they do need to stay home, for a little longer.....

Answer 9

man... different strokes for different folks... her son may need some tough love and that might work for him... cause God knows if i could go back and live with my mom again.... i would! but because that's the way that your sister chose to handle her situation doesn't mean that it's the correct way.... people do what they think is best... and that worked for her... but if you do right by your kids and raise them right... you probably won't have to worry about that

Answer 10

I personally don't think it's okay what she did. She should have tried to get some couseling for him or some other option. While I don't have children, I don't think I could ever do that to my child. Just my opinion.