Does he have a chance?

Question

Ok I was wondering what chance do I have of gaining full custody of my 8yr old son? My situtation is my sons father has been harrassing me since I was pregnant. I gave him joint custody. He never took advantage of the time he had, and he never paid support cause he either wasnt working or he was hurt on the job. Now here is my problem in May he called dcfs on me 3times in 4 months an then put an order of protection me. It was dropped 3 days later and I didnt have a lawyer. Then at the end of his summer vacation he refuse to give him back. Then I get paper that said he filed for full or temp custody and me supervised visits I didnt have time to retain a lawyer but I showed up and the judge gave temp custody to him pending final hearing. The judge said we need to set a time that is longer than 30mins His grounds for seeking custody is I have moved 4times in 8yrs and I have had 5b/f and my son who is a.d.d failed 1st gr. Does he have a leg to stand on? I do have a lawyer.

O ya dcfs dropped all allagations, and going to court on my side!

His dad is a compulsive lier

Answer 1

Wow, can we say "trainwreck"? Your question is complex, so let's take things one at a time. First of all, if the father didn't take advantage of joint custody and has been harassing you, and has called the law on you several times but the charges have been dropped, then no, I don't think he has a leg to stand on. I think that the court will find in your favor overall.

But let's look at the other issues here. I see that
-- you got pregnant but didn't get married
-- you have a man who harassed you during pregnancy and after
-- you got pregnant by a compulsive liar
-- you've had DCFS called on you (I don't know what this is but it sounds like child protective services?)
-- you have retained a lawyer, but late in the game
-- you've moved every two years, which isn't exactly stable
-- you've had several boyfriends
-- your child has a learning disability

Over and above the custody issues, I think you should look long and hard at your life. Is this the kind of life you want? Do you want your son to grow up in this kind of environment?

If you don't already have your formal education (high school diploma, college), GET IT. Get some training at a vocational/technical school and get a steady job that pays well. Stay in one place for more than two years so your son will grow up in a stable way. Children need stability in their lives... so do you.

Think about why you've had a new boyfriend nearly every year for the past eight years. You don't need a man in your life; you should be with someone because you want to be, not because you need to be. Approaching a relationship as an equal partner and not out of need or unfufilled desires is the way to go.

I'd also suggest that you read up on and research ADD so you can be your child's first teacher. You need to know how to help him read and focus and sit still, and you're going to have to give him a lot of help and support to deal with his learning disability.

I understand that having your son is important to you, but look also at your own life and get that straightened out, too. A good education would enable you to get a job that pays well so you could stay in one place. Some deep, thorough inner work would help you stand on your own two feet emotionally so you aren't running from one man to another. YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR YOU.

Good luck with the custody hearing, and good luck with getting your life stabilized, centered and calm. This will also help your son's ADD, because he needs a lot of stability.

Cheers, K (teacher for 14 years)

Answer 2

I used to deliver unending possibilities and sweetness why I was once constantly getting stepped on and used. I not often deliver something greater than a moment danger until you're an excessively near and depended on confidant.