My girlfriend is jealous of me spending time with my son.?

Question

I have a child from a previous relationship, and my current girlfriend, whom im engaged to marry,gets jealous when I spend time with him. She has told me this herself. We have had countless rows because every time I get him, she dissapears. I would like to spend the time with the 2 of them and for them both to get along. My son is only 4 years old. I had to go to the courts to get access to see him so this only puts more strain on the relationship between my son and I. I just worry about when my girlfriend and I marry, what will happen then? we are not currently living together as we are waiting to build a house. I fear that when we do, things will just get worse. I have tried to talk to her about this, but she just says nothing. It was hard enough to get her to admit what was wrong in the first place! I'd appreciate any help on this.

Answer 1

Your girlfriend seems very immature and I would worry about marrying this person. Does she realize she will be your son's stepmother? How is she going to treat him when you're married? You need to do what is best for your son, and his emotional well being, and she might not be a good choice.

Answer 2

I sympathise with you having such a tough problem. The thing you need to really think hard about before marrying this woman is how things are going to be for your son if the two of you have children - if she's unwilling to be a part of his life now, it's likely that once she has a child of her own, things are going to become a lot harder. Your son is only four and he's already had to cope with his parents divorcing - obviously you're putting his needs first, or you wouldn't have posted this question, but think to the future as well. However, your fiancee needs to have a chance to make this right - let her read all these answers - it will show her that you're very serious about this, and also let her see what other people think. She may suddenly realise how selfish she's being. If she really loves you, she will do her best to accept your son too - he IS part of you after all. Good luck.

Answer 3

By not respecting your son she is not respecting you. If she disappears when you spend time with your son and makes no effort this is probably going to be her attitude to many more things. You obviously are a doting dad to try so hard for access to your son....if he hasn't picked up on her attitude yet, it won't be long before he does. Someone who supposedly loves you would never undermime a 4 yr old child and the relationship with father and son. You and your son come as a package, there is no compromising when it comes to your child. I don't think things will change for her, any changing she MAY say she'll do will probably be temporary and by the sounds of things only fuel her resentment. You sound like you have a lot of goals, and a real good guy. Take your time and find the woman who truly loves you and your son. Best of luck

Answer 4

She can't understand the love you feel for your son because she has never had a child herself. I think she is worried that you are still too connected to your previous relationship by the son you have with your ex. She needs to understand that if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you then she will also have to spend some time with your son. Well... for the next 16 years anyway (he'll fly the nest by 18 or so). If she can't even spend time with him now then what's it going to be like when he starts growing up and he starts to see her as the "evil step-mum".
She should remember that if you didn't love her you wouldn't be engaged to her. Remind her you want to spend the rest of your life with her.
Hopefully from all the answers you've got from here you'll be able to find the right words to explain to her how important it is to you that she gets along with your son.
Good luck!

Answer 5

Sorry - but I think your 'girlfriend' is very immature and selfish.

You sound like a fantastic Dad and I know that there would be many other women who would love that quality in you.

You son is only 4 years old and she is behaving like this - it beggers belief.

If she is sulking now, maybe when you marry her, she will be more controlling. I really suggest that you postpone the wedding for as long as it takes you to realise that she is not nice enough to be responsible for the care of your little lad.

You are already under enough stress having to go to court and need a girlfriend who can support you.

Also I would postpone building the house because she may just hand around because of the house. Sorry, it's not nice to say that but, she sounds like she is only interested in herself - a 'what in it for me' type of person.

I wish you good luck and hope you keep focussed on your lovely little lad. You can have 100 girlfriends but how many sons can you have?

Answer 6

Seriously, what you need to do is wave goodbye to your girlfriend. There will be someone else out there for you. If she can't understand the importance of you spending time with your son, your very own flesh and blood where will she draw the line?
Not to mention that if you keep this relationship going she will never be able to accept your son into her life and will grow to resent him who will in turn grow to hate her and the two will make life unbearable for each other AND you by involving you in every petty little thing/argument. You will be forced to pick sides and if you pick her side your son will hate you for it and if you pick your son's side - Game over.

If she gets jealous of you spending time with your son what happens when you move in together and want a night out with your buddies?

Your call fella, but you can't choose your family everyone else can go fu*k themselves.

Answer 7

If you intend to experience specific within an unique holyday then Miami is your place, exactly like you might find with hotelbye . The resorts and the historical hideaways of Coral Gables from Miami will surely impress you similar to the famous Ocean Drive. Ocean Drive runs over the oceanfront in Miami Beach, moving the historical Art Deco structures and the famous reel of mud called South Beach. In Ocean Drive you can get equally to the day and to the night for a slow cruise and some drive by sightseeing. Another place worth visit may be the Vizcaya Museum and Gardens. The architecture, the causes, and the graphics it has are typical worth the journey to go to that lovely place.

Answer 8

2 major problems in that relationship...
1. Your girlfriend is selfish. She should understand how important your son is to you and shouldn't reject to you spending time with him. She should get to know him also and learn to like him because once you two get married he'll be there for the rest of her life. She can't choose who your son is so she should just accept it.
2. Lack of communication is one of the biggest relationship killers. If she can't talk to you freely about what's bothering her than it will only get worse. She needs to be open to you about what bothers her.
So to answer your question of what will happen... It'll get worse... Either she'll leave because of your son or she'll make you stop seeing your son which is entirely unfair to both of you (you and your son) Don't let her get in the way of your child. relationships come and go but family is forever and you'll only regret it every day of your life if you let him slip away.

Answer 9

Tell her how much this means to you. Your fiance probably feels threatened by your son, as he will be your number one priority and will occupy time which she will see as time you could have spent with her. She must come round to this idea if it is to work between you. Explain that it would mean so much to you if you could spend time as a family, and even suggest that she spends some alone time with your son. It sounds like shes keeping her distance so not to get attached, i think she may be scared of the situation. Explain what it means to you and suggest a fun day out as a family. Hope you can resolve this. Take care.

Answer 10

Okay. I feel really bad for you because I know exactly what this is like. As much as you may enjoy your girlfriend your kid should be the most important thing to you. If your girlfriend can't accept that you have a kid then you need to leave her. When you had the kid you made a commitment to raising him, and let me tell you that from experience, you will miss out on a lot of great things if you aren't with your son. Best of luck.