Our 4 year old son is adopted. He has been with us since he was 5 months old. His birth mother lost custody of him due to years of drug abuse and illegal activity. His birth grandmother was given an opportunity to gain custody of him but said she didn't want him (had 2-1/2 years to change her mind...this was a very slow process). The birth family knows who we are due to our presence at the court proceedings. It was a closed adoption.
The birth grandmother has called and left voice mails several times (we are listed in the book) and we have not responded due to the inappropriateness of the calls (she was slurring her words in a few and other times talked about how she wants to know her grandson and bond with him.) Recently, she CAME TO OUR DOOR and rang the doorbell and ran and there was a bag of cards and presents from her family members for my son. (we are donating to child charity) We are somewhat alarmed. We have thought of moving and/or restraining order.Thoughts???
2006-11-12 11:36:28 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Change your phone number(s). File a restraining order.
2006-11-12 11:39:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is such an icky situation. I can absolutley see why you would want to protect your son from these people because of their history. It would be hard to understand why the grandmother would not have spoken up sooner than this. It sounds like the family doesn't want the full responsibility of being the child's grandmother or mother. It seems they want someone else to go through the sleepless nights with a sick child, the cooking and cleaning and financial upkeep. They want the easy part, with none of the stress. This of course could be wrong. They could have been going through a difficult period at the time of the hearings. But if the grandmother is slurring her words she is probably in the same lifestyle.I would say that you are in no way obligated to do them any favors at this point. They seem cowardly to become productive members of society. If you do however decide to give them a chance, a long talk should come first. If they are rational people at all, they will understand your concern. They will undergo any change you deem necessary if it means being a part of his life. They will understand that this will take time. I feel so sorry that you and yur son are even put in this position. I hope this is resolved soon, so you can continue to enjoy being parents.
2006-11-12 19:55:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has the birth mother EVER signed away custody? If she hasn't and the court order gives you custody - I would file a contempt motion against the birth mother and the birth grandmother. In a closed adoption, the birth relatives no longer have any legal reason to visit the adopted child. In an open adoption, you can allow the birth relatives to have a relationship with the adopted child.
If the birth mother signed away custody - you need to have an attorney inform the birth grandmother that her contact is no longer welcome. Be extra vigilant for kidnapping attempts - avoid leaving the child alone for an instant because the child would respond to his birth relatives.
2006-11-12 19:41:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a bit sacry.
Just keep your child inside and always stay by him. Don't let him out of your sight for long. Consider what works best for your family. If you can move without much hassle, and it benifits your family and everyone near you, then move and unlist your phone numbers and adresses.
If it is hard for your family to move, then I suggest talking with the grandmother to figure out what she wants. If she had given him stuff, then maybe her notions are honest. I would not be hastey in an restraining order. If she appears unstable, then take matters into your own hands. Your son's saftey comes first.
Choose the solutiong that best suites your family's needs.
Good luck, and kudos for adopting a child.
2006-11-12 19:43:55 · answer #4 · answered by erock 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like grandma is feeling the lose now. They did sign him over - they did adopt him out, so they gave up their rights. I may have considered keeping the cards. Your son may have liked them further down the track. You could get a restraining order or block your phone number. Firstly though explain to grandma that she is no longer part of his life.
2006-11-12 20:05:54 · answer #5 · answered by auntynoall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your best let the grandmother see the child 1 day a month he needs to know where he comes from if you don't keep it from him he wont go looking for the family when he is 18 just set some rules and if they break them stop the visit i too have a adopted child
2006-11-12 19:56:18 · answer #6 · answered by momas1959 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get the law involved in this she is DEAD wrong . The only one you need to worry about is that child . He would get totally confused if you let her near him . Don't let some woman come and disturb the poor kid . Tell her to forget him and if she ever comes to your door again call the cops and have her AS* thrown in jail. GOOD LUCK.
2006-11-12 20:04:25 · answer #7 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're first priority is your son. Contact a lawyer and find out what you need to do to protect him. Make sure anyone he's left in care of (preschool, friends, etc.) know to NEVER allow anyone to pick him up except for your and your husband.
2006-11-12 19:59:17 · answer #8 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to move but i would change your phone number and make it unlisted, and a would file harassment charges on them. She didn't care about him before , so why care about him now , right?
2006-11-12 20:38:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move quickly
2006-11-12 19:40:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋