My parens have made life hell since I've gotten engaged. They do not like my fiance and have been very close minded about things if they do not agree with them. They want me to be their "baby girl" until the day I get married. I got so fed up that I left and told them I was moving in with my fiance. They say that they are very hurt and upset that I left and they blame my fiance. I just want to find harmony. I would go back and live with them if they would ease up on me and let me be an adult (I'm 26 years old, respsonsible, have a good job). I know I hurt them and that hurts me but they've been so hard to work with in this engagment. What is supposed to be the happiest time of my life has been miserable.
2006-11-12 11:05:11 · 10 answers · asked by Kimberly P 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My fiance is a great guy who does alot for me. He is respectful to my family, has a great job, beautifully maintains that apartment we are to share when we get married, and treats me great. We've had the occasional disagreement, but it was always resolved and we move on. My father feels that my fiance is not a true man because he doesn't pick me up everytime we go out and because his family has different feelings about living together before marriage.
2006-11-12 11:55:19 · update #1
congratulations on your engagement. You would have to sit them down and talk(not yell)about your relationship with your soon to be husband. Tell them that you are a grown woman and that you have a steady job and that you are a responsible adult. It's time for them to see you as an adult and not a baby and if this person makes you happy, then they should be happy for you and stop playing the blame game. Please try to find a way to have an adult conversation with them and also let them know they know that nothing they say will change your mind about this person.Learn to stand your ground.
2006-11-12 11:14:59 · answer #1 · answered by judy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sadly we hear way too many cases like this.Parents that have trouble letting go of their adult children.
Don't they have enough faith in themselves that they have steered their child/ren along a good path & that the child will hopefully make the best decision for his/her own life.
If they have made an unwise choice - then that is part of life & learning- the parents made their choices in life - there comes a time when they must cut the apron strings & allow their off springs the chance to do the same.
Have your parents said why they don't like your fiance??
it could be a case of they dont think any male will ever take as much care of (as you stated) ""their baby girl"" as they have- so it would not matter who you chose - you would have the same problem.
are you an only child ? it does happen that some parents expect more of & cling longer to an only child. or if they have had more - but have "lost" ( through death or otherwise) others then they are fearful of losing the remaining ones .
however in trying to keep the 'child' close to them - they often create just the situation you are faced with.
there are so many other good answers here for you to think about; but I would suggest that as you have made the move to ""leave the nest"" then it would not really be in your best interests to return to living with your parents- even for a short time. most definitely not until they can treat you as an adult & respect your right to make your own decisions
do you have relatives/family friends who you feel comfortable talking with who may be able to speak with your parents??
2006-11-12 20:30:26 · answer #2 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 26 - you have every right to live and act like an adult. Your parents are using guilt to manipulate you into doing things their way - it is very immature on their part.
You need to accept that you are no longer responsible for your parents or for their feelings. You need to do what is best for you and the new family you are building with your fiance now - and if your parents are hurt by that, that is not your fault. As much as you love your parents, you have to put your fiance and your pending marriage first or it will fail.
2006-11-12 19:17:21 · answer #3 · answered by Chrys 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is hard. Lots of parents have trouble letting go. I'm nearly 50 and when I visit my dad it's just like I'm 14 again.
You have a right to make your own decisions and to marry the person you love. Maybe you should tell your parents outright that you're not a child any longer and that while you love them, you must have your own life. If you are planning to have children, bringing that issue into the conversation might help matters. Thinking of a grandchild and how sad it would be if they are not involved with your household might turn them around.
Best wishes.....
2006-11-14 00:31:16 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. Switch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, i don't know your fiancee, but if they don't like him it's probably for a good reason. review to yourself why they don't like him. maybe they've seen him treat you poorly or talk to you in a way that's not nice. maybe he should be making more out of his life job-wise or make more money. maybe they just don't want to lose you. schedule a family meeting with your fiancee and your parents. schedule a time that is good for everyone. talk to your parents at a different time than your man and tell them each you want a peaceful open minded conversation with all parties. let everyone speak and defend their answers, get this out into the open now BEFORE the marriage. if you can't get your parents to see YOUR way and get harmony, if the relationship goes sour with your fiancee, you may feel more compelled to stay with his sorry ass if he turns out to be MR. WRONG just to spite your parents. this would be a mistake. but to chose one over the other is not good by any means. you shouldn't have to choose. don't let the parents talk bad of the bf and don't let the bf dis the parents. let them know you won't stand for it. maybe another option to make them happy would to be setting the marriage off for a long period of time, such as a year or two to make sure there is compatibility. it's not a long time at all if it's meant to be, right?
2006-11-12 19:48:45 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you need to respect your parents and maybe relax and see things from their point of view. What you say about your dad - it is very loving of him to be looking out for you. Sometimes, even though you are 26, you need to listen to others with more experience. It's not always a good idea to live with a man, for example. As my mom always said to me - "you will always be my baby girl" - as I'm the youngest girl of six kids. Now that she's passed, I wish she would be around to bug me....
Listen to your parents with your heart a little more open....
2006-11-13 05:08:23 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard for parents to let go of the children and they want to protect them and not let them make Mixtec's like they did and there must be a reason they don't like your fiance for some reason. I know i try to protect my children from hurt or harm.
2006-11-12 19:13:46 · answer #7 · answered by fonda b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll let you know as soon as I know. I am 31 years old, and my mother was so upset with me for marrying my second husband that she didn't attend my wedding. None of my family did.
2006-11-12 20:37:09 · answer #8 · answered by WMR30 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they won't listen to you then DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM. They need to learn that you are going to be independent.
2006-11-12 19:12:53 · answer #9 · answered by Without a Doubt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell EVERYONE to pi$$ up a rope. It's time to be grown.
2006-11-12 21:01:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋