My grandpa passed away last year and now it's only my sister, my grandma, and myself living in the home.
My mother, who doesn't live with us (thank God), is a deadbeat, drug addicted, perpetually ill, manipulative, pathologically lying, person who is constantly putting stress on everyone. My grandma can't seem to decide whether to cut her daughter off completely, or forgive her and try to help her, so there ends up being swings from one extreme to the other. I have decided to cut off contact from my 'mother' and my sister is almost at the same place as myself. If my grandpa were still alive he would have cut my mother off at the time we found out about the drugs, but now he's not here to support my grandma.
My grandma is depressed and angry and every little trial in our lives becomes a big horrible crisis which she "just can't handle anymore". She keeps taking it all out on me because I'm the oficial family "safe person" to take out their feelings on.
2006-11-12 10:06:13 · 7 answers · asked by Dysthymia 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My grandma just started taking antidepressants for her depression but it will be a while before they start working...
2006-11-12 10:06:50 · update #1
this is her daughter and deep down she is programmed to love her,,the physical and mental support your granpa provided may have been invaluable to her in deciding how to handle this problem and now he has gone the onus to abandon her daughter is all on her,,,yes this woman is your mother,yes you can see how badly she has handled what she has been given but from your point of view she failed you and your sibling,,she has been given every chance and has still thrown it back in all of your faces but this woman is your grandma,s daughter,,and that will not go away,,she gave birth to this woman,,she raised her and her instincts tell her to never give up,,to always love her,to want to believe she can change,,is it at all possible for you,,as the one who is wanting advice,,to allow her to get all this off of her chest?,,it may be a little close to home but to listen to her may allow her to feel her feelings are valid,,if she senses all this anger directed towards her daughter the last thing she needs is to hear you dont want to validate her need to sympathize with her daughter.the medication will help but it wont change the fact she misses what normal relationship she would have had if her daughter would have chosen the right track,,sometimes we have to do what we dont want to do for those we love and your grandma has to deal with you,your sister,who both feel let down by their mother and feel the best thing would be for their mother to be gone,,and the feelings she needs to help her daughter.this is an awful situation to be in and the answer is never going to be a simple one so all you can do is allow your grandma the option to talk and to know you will listen without prejudice,,it may be hard for you but it is hard for her too.
2006-11-12 10:22:45 · answer #1 · answered by lex 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Grandma is easily starting to be older and while her toddlers stay a coarse existence, that is going to deeply emotionally harm any mom. A sadness of failing to offer any candy fruit out of her lifework. in line with possibility you're able to try being greater mature, a sprint help to youthful siblings so as that they might difficulty her much less, consult from her and your grandpa and make an apology if something you do deliberately/ by accident hurts her. Ask them in case you are able to help. Asking facilitates. proportion your days with them, provide them any present, a flower each morning or night. do merely something yet do it from heart. concentration on learn.
2016-11-23 18:04:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same scenerio in my life, as my gramma lost my grampa. I took it day by day. Went there everyday to help her out, took her shopping, even went out for a beer (I'm 32 and she is 74). You know, she told me that she wasn't mad at anyone inparticular, other then my grampa who had passed, leaving her here alone. We took her to the doctors to find out that there was something wrong with her, and now, we found out that she will never get better. My gram was just diagnosed with dementia, which is why she is so angry all the time. She will never get better, it's hard and frustrating for me to see her like that, and yet, I'm still there everyday. As I know, one day that she will not be here, and I will regret doing otherwise.
2006-11-12 10:15:31 · answer #3 · answered by prairie_babe74 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have patience! Caring, understanding, etc. My family has cut off my middle son, 21, cuz of the stress he puts on everyone, and I am in the middle. I almost went on depressents also, but then realized, just listen, but do not get upset for it is not your problem. You have 2 think of yourself before you end up in trouble.
2006-11-12 10:13:44 · answer #4 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
try and make sure she is taking them too.
Try and discuss with granny how you love her dearly, and you don't want to see her health go because of your mother. Let her know that even though your mom is your mom, you and sister think of her as your hero, and that you 2 need her to be there for you, be sane for you and to be healthy.
It's hard for her, because mom's have these weird feelings for their own children, even if we have a lot of bad eggs. But let her know you need her, not your mom, but her.
2006-11-12 10:20:55 · answer #5 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
stay out of her way until the medicine takes effect or just listen to her tell her how much you and your sister love her
2006-11-12 10:15:05 · answer #6 · answered by Dee 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to change anyone other than yourself?
Even then....
Everything will fall into place... It already has and continues to...
2006-11-12 10:09:02 · answer #7 · answered by jonas_tripps_79 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋