have a problem with my 13 yo son?

Question

first dont say he needs more attention cause that is not it he is always with me doing something....my son tries his hardest to get on my nerves and he only does it with me around eveyone else he is the best well mannered smart kid..but when its just him and i he will cuss not at me just scream out stuff like u stupid bast--- or stuff like that or he will just sing really loud or jump in the house or yell stupid stuff or no offence but act like he has mental problems maybe i have a short temper i dont know but this stuff really gets on my nerves and no matter what i have tried to do to punish him never works can someone please help me its to the point i dont want to come home from work its more relaxing there... and dont say let his dad deal with it cause thats not an option... and dont say that its because he doesnt have that male figure because he does....

some of u have said maybe i am spending to much time with him i agree but its not me who is pushing that it is him who wants to be with me all the time if i go to the gas station he wants to go if i watch tv in my room he is rite by my side... when i am cooking he is there... i have tried to encourage him to go play or ect.. but he just likes to be with me... he has had alot of deaths in his short life of people who meant alot to him and i think he is scared i may die to...

Answer 1

i SOOO can relate. Have you ever thought about add or adhd? not saying that that is it but my son is 10 and he can make me insane at times he acts just like your son doing alot of the same exact things. my son is adhd he is not on medication right now because he cant stand the way it makes him feel but it has started to get even worse he has a very hard time focussing on anything when it is not of real intersest to him but he can glue himself to a t.v. no problem playing play staion 2 or watching cartoons he is a very intelligent young boy he is in gate and excels in most of his subjects he too is well mannered and behaved for most people except when he gets to know them and get comfortable with them, I am not saying your son is or to go medicate him ( don't give my son medication unless he starts to have problems focusing in school which has recently started to become a problem. On the other hand I have a 13 yr old daughter who too acts the same way as your son and she is not add or adhd she is just a teenage girl who thinks she has it all figured out and that she knows it all. I love her to death but we are starting to butt heads more and more recently she thinks the world basically me is out to get her and that I am just unfair probably 90% of the time. She too is an exceptionally behaved young girl. Everyone raves about how well mannered and helpful she is I sit in wonder because I have to practically pull out her teeth to get her to clean her own room or take out the garbage ( because she doesn't believe that she hasn't put any garbage in the trash recently and if she had it wasn't anywere near what everyone else does espeacially her littler brother my ten yr old. she hasn't yet started cussing well at least not in front of me ( a few hell and maybe an arss or two ) but they were for now ligitament slips. The bad news is it's not over not even close 14 is worse and by 15 your seriously thinking about military school. But don't give up all hope I do have GOOD NEWS by about 15 1/2 it starts to tapper off and your sybil child starts to return slowly to normal. than you get the awesome relationship of not only mother but start to become a friend and they to you. I have an 18 yr old daughter as well and believe me she is far from perfect occasionally ( key word here) will try to act up and get a major attitude but now it doesn't last long and yes what I am about to tell you seems impossible and fictional right now but she will come to me and apologize and mean it!!!!!!!!!! so I am not sure if any of this helped out or not but it's what I have experienced so far in this whirlwind of parenting, About the add and adhd a way to test your son is to give him coffee or caffiene of some kind and see how it affects him my son calms down when he gets any kind of caffiene or sugar children with add or adhd have an opposite reaction to this things thats part of why they act the way that they do Well good luck my fellow motheri in battle

Answer 2

there is nothing wrong with counseling, for him, for you or for the both of you. I agree don't push it off to the dad there must be a real problem with the two of you and I know you want to be close to him. Some problems are more than we can handle by our self and there is no shame reaching out for help. As our teens go through all there changes it is to hard to guess what the problem is. The problem may not have anything to do with you it may just who he is taking it out on. Like when you come home from a bad day at work and you take it out on everyone at home. Good Luck Mine is now 30 and I am glad he is past that

Answer 3

You need to take some time to talk with your son to understand just how he is feeling and explain to him how he is making you feel in a calm and patient manner. He knows he is getting on your nerves by doing this, he is looking for a reaction, so if you can show patience then that's a step in the right direction. If getting him to talk with you alone is a problem then take him out some place public, like a resturant, and talk with him there over lunch.

Answer 4

Hello, I thought I was the only one with this going on...my son and I are always together, but lately he has been doing the same type things...I thing it is just a puberty/teenage thing...He has always been the most well behaved child and I get complimented on that all the time...I too have a very short tempered fuse and just lose my mind....but he always knows when I have had enough...I think if we just give them some, they will be fine.

Answer 5

Two ladies, both with problem children. Both always with their sons????
Perhaps the kids need some space away from you.
13 is a somewhat traumatic period in a kids life, changes are occurring, both physically and emotionally.
At 13, boys dont always want to be "doing something" with their mothers.
A closer look at the 'male figure' might also be in order. All angles need to be examined before dismissing them

Answer 6

get home one day and go mad, do all the stuff that he would normally do, he should be quite shocked so you'll have time to say- "now, do you see how that can get annoying day after day?!"

OR!!

get hold of a video camera and set it up to film him at his worst. later on when your partner is back, or someone who doesn't see that side of your son, sit them both down and play it. your son should be suitably embarrassed. if he just reacts in a bad way, tell him to keep it up, you'll film it all and show all his friends, unless he starts giving you a little more respect. embarrassment is the worst kind of punishment for a teen! and try to hold your temper, it should be easier when you know you have a plan and are in control.

Answer 7

The primary problem as I see it is that you're more of a friend than a parent. I'm sorry, but if he has manners in public or at others homes that is a definite breakdown of communications between you and your son. Has he or does he witness other males disrespecting you? If this is the case it's of the norm to him. He treats you as he sees other males treating you.He as well is possibly going through puberty which can be very confusing in teenagers testosterone is a very powerful hormone that at times can cause rational spurts of anger. (this can be compared to PMS in women). All you can do is love your son. We as parents have three responsibilities to our children that is to protect, provide and guide them. Good luck with your son things will work out. I promise.

Answer 8

Since you already stated the answers you don't want to hear maybe you should contact an arbitrator whether that is a counselor or psychiatrist and help to solve the issue. Easier said than done but you will be glad you did so later.

Answer 9

I grew up without my dad , but I think my mom was just consistent with me. She was tough, but you kind of new where you stood as a kid and what you would have to deal with if you acted like a jackass. I think kids can be taught to be well mannered especially around you if you always have the same rules.

Answer 10

13 is a really hard age to parent. They are smart mouthed and rude alot of times. I found with mine that the best thing to do is decide which battles are worth fighting..all of them cannot be fought...The best remedy for me ws to separate myself from them..I would ask them to go to their room and have some quiet time..not banish them..that would be another fight..If they can draw you into an encounter then they have WON..do not let him win..take a walk outside ask them to quiet so you can hear a TV
show..just try to show them responsible behavior habits